in okay and we're back we're live I'm here with Brittany Brittany how you doing good thank you how's your internet connection I'm just kidding stays connected I'm so sorry not a problem it's not a problem it's not your fault um but uh so yeah it was fun start hearing the beginning of your story but I'm gonna make you do it again and we uh like we just discussed like if your connection drops out just reconnect it'll just pick up and there's no problem with that we'll just have a little little breaks if that's what happens but uh maybe Satan doesn't want uh people to hear what you have to say so he might be no he never does so take us back to your childhood and uh just sort of fill in the gaps between then and now sort of the highlights of your faith Journey please okay so um I was raised by a single mom for the earlier parts of my life um we did not go to church and then my mom met my now stepdad whose family came to church and they lived about the church was about an hour away from us so every Sunday instead of my parents who at one time were very um much like alcoholics like every weekend was a party all the kids got shoved in a room we would wake up to throw up um that ended we started going to church so that was a really good thing for us and we me and my brother ended up with a dad in the church I think um really helped my parents's relationships Stay Together which was really good for us kids so I really loved Church growing up um I don't have I mean I I was hurt by the church in my later years but growing up as a child like it was one of the best things for our family and for our lives so by 19 I left church I did become an atheist um for seven years and then I came back to God in 2017. how old are you in 2017. yeah when I came back to God it it was it was then like okay God you're real then who are you so then I was in search for who God was and I did not want it to be the same God that I grew up in I was like it's not going to be Jesus and then everything all the signs pointed to Jesus and um here I am actually today my very first time back to my home church and I my kids are in Sunday school right now yeah today is my first day coming back it's been since 2009. no way wow yeah 2009 that's when I became a Christian again after 25 years away from the church wow that's 2009. so yeah so when you came back I was leaving so what was the uh um denomination or whatever of this church that you left and came back to um ifb have you heard of ifb independent fundamental Baptist okay okay are they primarily in the south of the states or what's the geography on that um yeah we're in LA county if you know where Los Angeles is like Hollywood where oh really L.A county is pretty big though it it's like a big stretch okay so we're about maybe 45 minutes from Hollywood ah okay okay okay so West Coast Vibes in the church or no um no we're in the desert at the churches ah okay yeah I don't know that much about California I know it's big I know yeah flaky it has reputation for being very flaky and lots of uh new age New Age ideas hippies yes people and stuff like that I don't know that too much about it other than that stereotype but um so yeah uh with the atheism like how many years were you atheists roughly seven seven years okay you say that so um did you get up to any nasty stuff uh sex drugs and rock and roll or were you just living your life normally no I had I had my first baby at 19 so I fortunately skipped all of that I didn't I was never much of a drinker and I went from like one sheltered life to my kid's father being very sheltered so it was like I went from like one controlling environment to one so it was I was which was fine like we didn't do electric he didn't do electronics either like the church taught like no social media or stuff like that um but I and then my kids like I like you know how churches that you don't do like music like outside of church music I don't know if other churches are like that but ours were super strict and sheltered so um when my kids were babies I just like had sing-along songs like I didn't really drink still I didn't curse still I didn't get into any of that my brother on the other hand he does all of that has he left the faith or is he yeah we both went to the college here and then we both left he hasn't come back to the faith yet no okay he knows you'd prefer that he did and you're praying for him and all that oh yeah he always he always says that the only reason why he might consider there being a skydaddy is because of me that's cute so uh not to get too personal but what was the deal with the um the father of your children you have multiple children it says on your profile on Twitter where we met yeah and you lost one is that true I lost one as being pregnant yeah okay was that considered a miscarriage of some sort is that what they call it do they call that oops let's see if she comes back oh she didn't is she gonna come back hey I'm back was it something I said no no I lost I lost a baby while I was pregnant is that called a miscarriage yeah they were 13 weeks the week before you find out what gender they are uh that's was that traumatizing for you it was a traumatizing experience it was like probably the most pain I've ever felt physically yeah but um you you're healthy now and everything's okay yeah I've had two children after that okay okay that's good and so uh yeah you'll tell me as much or as little as you want about your uh baby daddy there but is he a good guy are you still with him or what um he's my kid's father and my kids I have a father so that's good okay but you don't live with him I mean that's pretty much the romance is gone or what over yes just checking uh I'm not very tactful with my questions but um so at least or it was he's not married to a Jehovah's Witness are you serious oh boy wow colorful story yes I don't know much about Jehovah's Witnesses I haven't really dived into them yet so how I was raised we weren't allowed to fellowship with any religion outside of our religion so I was I only knew our religion and I didn't know what Mormons believed Catholics believed none of them none of that so and then I was atheist so then I didn't want to hear about anybody's God yeah so I still didn't know and then just recently I've diving into like other beliefs and like figuring out what other people believe and like what that looks like up against what I believe it's been interesting is it ibf or ifb ifb ifb okay so um probably we share a lot in common the first the most important thing is that we're both Christian okay the Mormons are not Christian and the Jehovah's Witnesses are not Christians so the most important thing that you as ifb and I is Catholic and you know different uh Christian denominations have in common the most important thing is we believe that God is one God but that there are three persons in the Trinity and that Christ the second person of the Trinity incarnated he took on flesh and he really truly was God truly was man and he suffered and died for us and he built the church and so we agree on all that and uh the different denominations are going to bicker and fight over um some things that are less important and a couple of things that are substantially important like the sacraments and stuff like that I I don't know what you believe you probably believe in baptism right that it's a Sacrament and that it's necessary for salvation no it's not necessary it's not necessary I feel it's necessary to walk on earth against all of The Temptations of the devil but I don't think just because the man on the cross was able to go to heaven without being baptized he was baptized how was he baptized by John the Baptist you ever heard about John the Baptist no no the man on the cross next to Jesus okay okay that's I thought it was strange you referred to Jesus as the man on the cross I thought that wasp thing no and what's interesting is my ex-husband's family is Catholic and They begged me to baptize my children every time I saw them yeah so I I got a little bit of Catholicism ah experience and and I said the same thing I was like you guys believe a very similar of how I was raised so cool like a lot of them align which was confusing to me yeah well you know the baptism of the good thief on the cross he had the baptism of Desire and uh he just didn't have the opportunity you know so uh right that's why I don't believe it's it's necessary for salvation because I yeah you can just have the desire for it but the it's like it's the same thing with sacramental confession we do we confess our sins to the priest but before I go like I went to confession today but um before I went I had Contrition I was sorry for my sins and I confessed to God and uh I'm forgiven okay and um but connected with that is the necessary condition that I have to at my next opportunity go and do sacramental confession to the priest that's just the deal that's the way Christ built his church and that's just the economy of Salvation from my Catholic perspective you don't agree obviously but that's you know not a big deal we're not going to start fighting about it but that's just the different teachings that we have you know but who are these relatives of yours that are Catholic who are they my kids father's family is very I want to say heavily Catholic but not because they don't they're not attendees of a church but they're by culture Catholic okay they're culturally Catholic yeah because you have you know you have basic precepts of the church the basic bare minimum that you need to meet in order to be considered Catholic in good standing you have to go to church absolutely every Sunday and every High holiday every uh feast day and you have to fast and you have to support the church in different ways financially or whatever and it's not a not a big deal no one's policing it but there are several conditions for that you have to confess your sins once a year you have to take the Eucharist at least once a year at Easter time the different conditions you have to meet if you want to be in good standing in the church and that's for the good of our souls because it's very good to get in the habit of of uh taking communion and these sorts of things do you have any sort of communion whatsoever like a symbolic communion with Bread and Wine every week if I was involved in a church I haven't been involved in a church in a while okay but the church is that they do that did we lose her shop Becca let's see if she pops back on hey sorry not a problem it's nice I'm not sure what you heard uh yeah do you would your church do that every week or once a month or so I'm not currently involved with the church but the church that I grew up in yes they do it monthly once a month once a month okay I believe so I don't know my memory is shot on that that's okay that's okay not a big deal but they do do it and it is important to them okay and uh I grew up I don't know if you know but I grew up Protestant in the United Church of Canada which United the Presbyterian and the Methodist churches together my background is Scottish Irish English so um the methodists and the Presbyterians are from those regions I believe the method I don't know the exact history of the Methodist Church but see I'm so slow on all the labels I'm slowly trying to figure out because I'm new to Twitter too yeah which has been an experience yeah I just got banned on Twitter that Twitter existed and that I could talk about God to people yeah over to talking about God that event cool to know about yeah well I just joined when Elon Musk took over whenever it was a few months ago and uh I just got blocked like I got locked out of my account because I put I posted a picture of an aborted baby that was all chopped up but the context like it was justified in the context like there was a good reason for doing it and I put a warning on it like this is sensitive this is violent this is you know um and uh they blocked you for that you want to let me I said I said look when I appealed the decision I said look you know there's 73 million abortions every year why can't we talk about this you know is it like is it a big deal or not like I mean is it just a clump of cells or is it a human being if it's just a clump of cells then who cares like why can't you let me show you the picture of it but if it's a human being then can we stop doing it like can we stop killing the babies right they don't want to acknowledge any of the truth on that because they want to get away from the consequences of their actions trust me that sounds Blissful to get away with the consequences of my actions wow yeah no kidding but it's not that's not how life Works no we uh we cannot mock God and get away with it we can fool ourselves for a little while but it's a very yeah judgment's coming so I believe in uh the four last things which are death judgment Heaven and Hell and I've interviewed a lot of Christians uh some of them don't believe in hell they think that God in his Mercy is going to annihilate the bad guys and so they don't have to experience an eternal hell I think that that is uh uh an absurd idea what's your take on hell I have one that's for the Devil's Angels and I believe that we're all God's children and I believe that God is our father and that he created every single one of us but having children I do that's a hard question because I could answer this and you could take it wrong go ahead we'll talk about it I do think that there are evil people that have given themselves basically over to the devil and I do believe that those people will experience Health like the people that have harmed children the people that have just completely disregarded God and so I think about myself when I was an atheist and I think about like okay was what if I had died during that time though so it's a hard question to answer because I'm like I even though I was denying God I was still morally like behaving properly like I was honoring my marriage I was not I don't know I was following all the rules I guess still so I wonder about that I wonder I think it's individually for everyone because even though I was denying God I was not evil like if that makes sense well I I would I have a couple things to say about that one is uh it ain't over till the fat lady sings so like God has a plan for you and you're on your journey and you can stray and you can sing and all these sorts of things and as long as you're repentant and you come back to him at the end we judge no man or woman before their death okay so you can have a wild life of sin and then repent and go to heaven or you could look like a saint on Earth and at the last minute decide no my pride In My Pride I am going to rely on myself and I don't uh I don't love you God I love myself and I love the pleasures of this life and you could have that inner life that disposition that orientation that makes you damnable and you're not repentant for your sins even though you on on paper everyone thinks that you look like a saint your whole life long so there are all kinds of stories of uh you know every saint has a past every sinner has a future this is what we like to say in the Catholic church and we can't judge the heart Only God can judge the heart and having said all of that um I think the the number one thing we need to bear in mind uh is God's grace the number two thing we need to bear in mind is our free will we can abuse our free will we can say no to God's grace and we can ultimately end up in health I think frankly I think it's difficult for a Christian to end up in hell because we in order to be in the state of mortal sin you need three things you need Grave matter so not believing in God is grave matter that's enough that's enough for grave matter like being an atheist that's enough okay but you need two other things you need full knowledge of of what you're doing and full consent to the evil that you're doing so if you're lost and confused and traumatized by life and you know your circumstances and you drift away from the faith and you come back that time when you're drifted away God Alone knows your heart what did you know really know and what did you uh what did you really truly love and what what was your disposition of your will so I think it's hard for any Christian to end up in hell you have to to end up in hell you have to have like a divorce from God where you like God I know you're good I know you're the you're the source of everything that's good I know that if I reject you I'm going to go to hell but I'm doing it out of anyway I would have Spite and out of Pride and out of exactly my love for this world so I think it's very rare that someone would do that especially a Christian a Christian like come on yeah well and I think that's and I know I don't want to go back and forth about this but this is one thing we just agree on is that's why I'm so against baby baptisms because I do feel like it takes away from that individual person the the recognition that they need to repent because they think that they're just safe through an action that was done for them are you joking so can you hear me yeah yeah yeah but there's absolutely no safety uh you don't have any immunity from concupiscence and concupiscence is the tendency towards evil or to sin the tendency to sin that concupiscence is with us even after baptism okay so it's not like you get baptized and then you can just do what you want to do you're going you're going to fall into sin that's why we have the sacrament of confession reconciliation um so yeah no one is that naive to think that oh I was baptized as a child so I can do whatever no I hear it often I hear often and I think that's what and I come from a family of people like that so and I'm just that's why I think like I'm like so turned off by it because I'm like you they're abusing the faith yet yes exactly and they're abusing Grace and the cultural Catholics even if they're cheerleading for baptism or whatever they're doing but they themselves are not living up to the minimum requirements to be a Catholic and this is not to put them down or say that I'm superior to them or I'm better I think everything is Grace but Grace builds upon Grace so if we say yes to a little Grace then we'll get a little bit bigger Grace and then we say yes to that Grace we can get more and more grace so we can build Grace upon Grace it's a dance between God and US god is perfect we are imperfect but if we if we pay attention to our dance instructor who is perfect then we can learn to dance with God and to cooperate with The Graces and to improve our faith walk and these sorts of things but if you're just in love with the external religiosity like like the Pharisees were like clean and white on the outside and rotten on the inside that's not that's not true religion right that's not true religion correct yeah it's called hypocrisy and if you watch uh Jesus how he interacted with the religious Hypocrites of his State they were the number one enemy it wasn't the prostitutes and the tax collectors so so what else can you tell us about about God and religion and your attitude today questions you have stuff you're reading what's your prayer life like are you going to start going to church again what what's up I'm trying to find a church it's very hard and I didn't want to come to my childhood church but it's good for my children they need to be in a good church I cannot find a church that agrees 100 with what I agree I don't know if I will find a church um the Church of Brittany yeah church that also that also had flaws I think and so and then I think with the whole mega church thing that's going on right now everyone wants a big church I I disagree with that yeah so it's like okay I can find these big church that semi relate to what I how I my views on God and how we should be living and how a church should be behaving so I wanted to be a missionary and I wanted to start churches and so and then everything that happened through kovid that was very alarming down we have to be careful here oh sorry because I got banned off YouTube for just slightly hinting at my attitude toward the whole oh really the whole thing it's very on YouTube yeah you can't express freely no no oh wow no no no no no no you I you know like I got banned on Twitter for talking about abortion and I got banned on YouTube for talking about you know what interesting I haven't really banned on anything and I'm very outspoken yeah so I'm always surprised you're not on the radar yet apparently I don't have enough followers once they well I don't have a lot of followers either but I mean once they stumble upon you and they say oh this one we've got to watch this one and then they watch you so yeah I did get recently uh sheltered on Facebook that's why I left Facebook for a while but for the first time in all of the past three years I haven't hadn't been banned or anything surprisingly but I don't curse at people I don't like I don't create problems other than like me posting my beliefs that creates problems in and of itself but I don't like go out and be mean to people let's let's talk in in sort of secret language and just say okay I'll just give you an example uh uh with the recent uh health concerns since uh the past couple of years I always uh had adopted Earl very early the attitude that I'm not going to take any mandatory um treatments or anything like that no matter what like they can arrest me they can kill me doesn't matter I'm not gonna I'm not gonna do it so um using vague language here but you understand what I'm talking about certain injections I will never take and stuff like that so um do you feel the same yeah I was actually raised um my mom would sign it was against our religion so I've I'm not vaccinated since I would lived in Italy oh no way yeah so I'm not even like it's just not a random choice for me like this has been a long time for me so there's no way they could ever get me to take it there would be no reason for me to so um I would love to dig into this more but um are you getting a lot of pushback from your family and friends or people that your employer do you work I so I did work out a homeless shelter and I was able to avoid the testing nobody like I just secretly silent was silent okay and I didn't wear the masks and nobody really pestered me about it until um the end of my time there I I kind of just left when I they were starting to get pretty strict about it but um during my time there they weren't luckily and right now I'm not working so and that is one of the things I will not do I won't wear the masks I won't yeah I won't take the injections and I won't take the test yes so my family my mom ended up getting it because she's her reasoning to me she said because she's getting older and she wants to go on the cruises and she wants to travel and she doesn't care she's like if it kills me it kills me so that's kind of how she looked at it she didn't really like look at it as it's like gonna mutilate her DNA or any of that he went grocery shopping for me and she ah because I wouldn't wear the mask so she did okay well to me to me it's just I do not want to feed the beast I do not want to feed the monster I do not want to I want to be I don't want to participate I don't want to be part of it yeah I don't want to be on team Satan like yeah I'm on team Satan and now I can travel and I can go on a cruise no I do on principal I do not want I'm I'm against Satan I'm against Satan and I'm told I'm telling you like when you deny the devil like God will provide another way yeah so like if you want to travel I'm like I'm not gonna I don't need that to travel I'll figure out another way so for sure and I haven't I travel all the time so okay ah cool we should change the subject now and I'm a perfect person because I'm not vaccinated at all but I don't know how they would ever imagine like even convincing me because there's just no reason no so for me I'm a big believer of I know you don't want to talk about it's okay it's okay it's okay I'm just a big believer of sick people staying home yeah like if you're sick stay home it's Common Sense yeah and why they think that they can reverse that and trap me even though I'm not sick like if you you would think I would be the one afraid since I'm not vaccinated yeah so and if they work then I'd be the one afraid why are they afraid of me like I have friends that won't even hug me anymore once they found out that because I've never been vaccinated this isn't a this is a 20 20 thing that you talk about we did not talk about this before so I have like lifelong friends that didn't even know that I wasn't vaccinated my like not polio vaccinated not none of it and then now they won't even hug me or let me around their children and I'm just like well I've never been vaccinated though like you just learned this why did it it didn't matter before it's hilarious it's very frustrating for me personally hilarious well you know the the Hebrew the hubris which means extreme Pride of the the uh experts scientists uh medical professionals doctors nurses whatever the the extreme pride is laughable it would be funny if it weren't so tragic but to think to think that you understand oops let's see if she comes back here oh hey hey so to think to think that you understand the human body and health and all those sorts of things it's such a sad joke like I mean you know we have an immune system we have uh yes it's true we can through diet and certain interventions sometimes you need some kind of an intervention it's like I broke my wrist and I went to the doctor right they they fixed me okay right they also made mistakes and they put the metal pin too far in so it was scratching and they had to go in and do a second surgery so these people are uh you know they have good intentions and they can help you but they can also mess up and one of the leading causes of death uh is malpractice and it's not because they they aren't trying to help you it's just because they're foolish men who are leaning on their own own understanding and most of them I don't know most but a lot of them are Godless right they're not right worshiping God so what does that say and it's same thing with the with the justice system like uh Jesus said wouldn't you be better off just uh you know accepting Injustice why are you going if you can't find Christian a Christian way of resolving this why are you going outside of the community to the you know to Godless people for justice that doesn't make any sense so it's it's in every realm Education Health Care the justice system it's all connected to God do you have a legitimate Authority from God yes or no and are you aware of that are you are you on team God or you know exactly it's just it's just it really is bizarre how we're divorcing ourselves in the West from God and it has ramifications you can see how the education system is very messed up here in Canada down in the states all the sexual teachings which are completely satanic and uh you know Evolution I mean I don't know if you believe in evolution but I'm a young Earth creationist um I just recently since getting on Twitter talked to somebody that believed in evolution and I thought that was the coolest thing because I've never really met anyone who believed in that and I'm all about I just like to learn what people believe it's very intriguing to me I showed you my shirt it's good Adam with a big head Noah and then little old me oops we lost the connection again hey hey I was just showing you I was just showing the audience my shirt my Devolution shirt because we've we're we're constantly devolving not evolving but um so but you believe in that we were once monkeys no oh okay I don't believe in evolution oh okay yeah me neither I believe it's very intriguing to me what people believe Devolution okay it's the opposite it's like yeah God made a perfect Paradise with Adam and Eve and we're it's downhill from the fall they really want to take away God's image like in every group that's up against God they want to take away his image yeah in creation and marriage and yeah male and female and all of it it's ridiculous there's a Satanist group it's called this satanic temple TST they're meeting in Boston I believe a big the world's largest satanic meeting I think of recent times and I used to be a Satanist actually when I was an atheist I became a Satanist oh no atheistic Satanist yeah didn't believe in God didn't believe in Satan but it was all it was just uh it's a stupid philosophy where you are supposedly enlightened and you put reason first and your own will you know so it's uh it's not God to be will but my will be done right that's that's atheistic Satanism they do not profess to believe in God I was an atheist for 25 years God helped me but I did come back to the faith um but my point is with this big Gathering now that's happening in the states they have very clear messaging uh that says you have to wear m95 mask you have to be double jabbed you have to be this you have to be that so it's like uh you know if that doesn't tell you right nothing will tell you there are lines with the satanists like I mean it's ridiculous it's ridiculous because you you know a lot of people think and you know I used to think that uh Satanism was rebellious and that we could be free and we don't need to be constrained by God's laws and these sorts of things but it's the opposite the slavery of Christ is light and easy and beautiful even though it's hard in this Fallen World to uh you know walk to carry across these sorts of things but it's a delight it's full of joy and the slavery of Satan is cruel and it's sugar-coated like it you know we can say well you like pleasure you like women you like wine you like drugs you like money power uh it sounds good because all those things are good right sex drugs and rock and roll are ontologically good but they're they're prone to abuse and sex is only between a man and a woman in marriage and they're open to life and so on and so forth they're narrow constraints on what uh where these Pleasures can take place illicitly and validly if we're going to be happy you know it's if we look at if we look at people that are indulging in every pleasure they're not happy right they're sick and they're demented and they're they're out of touch with reality they're insane so uh being Godly is where it's at virtuously they enjoy the angry Angry Eyes they do they do it's pleasurable to them to be in that type of wavelength I don't know if you've noticed that I do I do notice I do notice on Twitter the Dark Side of Twitter although most of my friends are Christian on Twitter um and conservative although I don't really uh have much faith in the left or the right of politics but um they seem to be conservative Christians all my the people that I'm meeting on on Twitter but there are a lot of dark things I see on Twitter like street fights and people like um just in in shopping malls or restaurants that are breaking out into violence for what reason I have no idea I don't know if it's an American thing or if this happens also in Canada but um it seems very dark and it seems like it happens a lot do you see that yeah it does you see in real life well let me tell you when we when we had the shutdown our police officers and our entire Mall barricaded off so I mean we had riots um yeah we have it very common I can when I lived out here in my hometown I could I was robbed at three o'clock in the middle of the day like they're not even like trying to do it in the dark anymore when you're not home like they just don't care like it's just very much a lack of consequences a lack of supervision I think for a lot of these teenagers and then a lot of authority there's zero like worst thing you could do for a kid is like tear down their Authority it's where they feel like they can do whatever they want and that's where you get kids at these teenagers and even that like 20 year olds because they're still kind of kids out here in this community at least they'll just be out tearing up this the place we do have a lot of that out here Rebellion is ugly it's always it's always ugly and we need education have you spent a lot of time in the Old Testament reading the Old Testament the wisdom of the Old Testament yeah yeah uh you can you just take the initiative to read uh or do you sort of read systematically or do you pick not really not right now so I've had people trying to like do Bible studies with me to where it's organized yeah and for whatever reason I'm not functioning like that right now right now it's uh sometimes I'll stay in one chapter and I'll just keep reading that one chapter just so that I can like put it get it in me and that I can retain or you know get whatever I need to get out of it but a lot of times I'm just picking a a book okay and then whatever God lays on me but you start in the beginning of the book or do you jump in I didn't not this time around I did that a lot when I was a kid and I feel like I well I feel like everything that I did as a kid I lost like through my stage of um going through being an atheist I blocked it all and I I didn't retain a lot of it so now as an adult I feel like a baby Christian a little bit and like a kind of relearning of also too because I don't want to align exactly of how I grew up like I want to align with God and make sure that everything that I believe is like what God wants me to believe so a lot of things too I've had to learn the hard way because I can't read the Bible and eat it all up at once so a lot of things I'll see in the Bible and I'm like I memorized the whole book of Acts when I was a kid and I like I've done lots of Bible reading as a kid but I don't remember any of it and I and I do want to like decipher of what the Bible says versus what like the church told me right right so we had a lot of bizarre rules I don't know if you were raised sheltered since you were raising Church no no no I was raised in a very very very loose uh like Loosely uh Protestant household where basically we were lucky if we went to church once a week like we used at different different times in my childhood we would go regularly and then at other times not so much but I always enjoyed it that's what my kids will say but I did enjoy I did enjoy church just the reverence of it and the you know the atmosphere the quiet and the calm and the prayerfulness and these sorts of things but what is uh can you talk about your prayer life because as a Catholic I have a lot of fixed prayers okay and I have sponsored I have spontaneous prayers which are my favorite where I just speak with God uh freely from the heart that's my favorite but I also have fixed prayers and I do them because I have a certain obligation because I've joined certain confraternities which are these worldwide Global uh organizations and I don't meet with these people although you could if you you know had the money and wanted to travel you can go and go to conferences and these sorts of things but it's basically spiritual connection where you are praying for certain things and you're uh you know you're in a community that's a supernatural mystical community and if like I said if you wanted to physically get together you can there are opportunities for that but um it's all about the intentions and praying regularly for each other and for the church and these sorts of things and so I have all of this to say that I have a certain amount of morning prayers and evening prayers that I need to do every day anyway and they have a lot of wisdom in them and a lot of very beautiful words and ideas that are good to meditate on any every day anyway but um they're not the same as a spontaneous prayer the spontaneous prayer is more um uh authentic and more um you you are there your present whereas with the with the rote prayers the fixed prayers the tendency it shouldn't be this way but the tendency is to just sort of go through it and it's just like you're not even paying attention because you've memorized it you're just going through it so that's the danger that's the danger with the fixed prayers but if you catch yourself and you listen to what you're praying and you pay attention what you're praying which you have to do for it to be an actual prayer then uh you can be engaged and uh but I want to contrast that with your prayer life what's your prayer life like so I believe in speaking in tongues um do you do it I was not raised to believe in that my mom was saved in a a church that spoke in tongues and then she left that and came to the ifb and raised us Baptist but I believe in that um I believe in it I think in a different way than other people believe in it like I don't believe that it's a gift just given to certain people I believe that it's something that everybody can do and that when you're baptized God opens that portal of prayer to you um it's very like meditating yeah and good for like your soul I believe and um I like that prayer style but um I also pray like you said like my communication in English hold on I think I lost you no no oh there we go she'll be back hey hey um and then I also pray like in communication me and my kids we pray okay often um my kids are a big reason why I came back to my faith because they would ask me to pray When We Were Young when they were younger and I actually kept them from everybody my parents didn't babysit once my babies got a certain once my daughter got to a certain age they did not babysit I like kept God and everything away from them so the fact that they would ask me to pray before bed I would as an atheist I'll get super irritated but I would let them do it because they're little two or three-year-olds asking to pray I'm not going to tell them no so um we've yeah I pray with them and then I have I read the Lord's Prayer every day okay maybe several times a day I probably pray the Lord's Prayer if I feel like I've or if I sin or like okay hurts if I feel like I've hurt somebody but I was given a list of like prayers like the Lord's Prayer from a Catholic that I just haven't Incorporated yet but I would like to do that because I mean I'm all for like the the prayers that already like established prayers yeah yeah traditionally um that's helpful yeah I'm all about any type of connection with God like take the time to do it I think that any type of way is good and good for us and we should be definitely talking to our creator yeah where do you think your kids picked up on the idea of prayer was it from school friends or was it just from God no I think it's innate I really believe that a lot of it's innate because they would ask the they're the reasons that got me on the journey to find God because they would ask the most just intellectual questions my oldest is very um observant like she's very she's been aware at just such an early age and she's just very Advanced so she would ask me it was mostly her asking me these just crazy questions and I'm like who are you talking to because I know that you haven't seen any you haven't seen my parents I know your grandma and grandpa aren't talking about this so it was I really believe that it's innate so yeah amazing so uh do you remember telling your children were they old enough when you came back to the faith that you would share that information with them or was it just my oldest was seven so no I didn't share it with them they were too little but they were there when I was baptized so okay yeah Okay cool so they got to see that and they do know they like they I they see me reading my Bible and we pray and they've seen me speak in tongues and like they're not on because their stepmom is Jehovah's Witness so I'm having that kind of like they're unsure where they are which is good because I want them like the fact that they're going through it early trying to figure like being aware of what's religion is what I'm not mad about it but um better to have a religion than not I believe but well yeah they um they're not they haven't decided their faith yet that's for sure okay I'm pretty sure of it so it's a long road ahead hopefully hopefully it's a long a long life ahead of them very interesting so the tongues thing I mean I do find it a little bit creepy I have to be honest um my kids said that when I took them to a Pentecostal Church okay they're like we didn't like that and I so I'm like hmm I weigh everything like everything my kids say or feel about it like I'll weigh that if they felt uncomfortable with that I'm like they're children so I'm like and they're very innocent So and I've sheltered them a little bit similarly how my parents sheltered me but still a little bit Loosely to where they are not blind either so when they say something I'm like okay the Bible says not to do that in church my children felt uncomfortable with it so but I back here she'll be back bitter butter we're probably gonna wrap it up in about 10 minutes sorry yeah my understanding yeah go ahead they also their Jehovah's Witness stepmom told them that I was praying to the devil so she also put that in her their minds for them to have like that Eerie feeling about it so I don't know I'm still like trying to figure out where I'm at with that yeah I'm pretty sure you're not praying to the devil foreign the devil doesn't want us talking about speaking in tongues to tell you something it keeps shutting down yeah well uh you know the thing is you if you are you know speaking gobbledygook and all these syllables and it's it could be you could you could just use it like you said as a meditative way of emptying the mind and connecting with God and in your heart you're uh you're praying you know like it says in the Bible about uh we're groaning and the Holy Spirit is praying on our behalf because we don't even know what to say right so there's that okay I approve of that I don't approve of the televangelists who are getting rich off of uh circus show I don't like that um with all the drama and like the hallelujahs that are not uh sincere and all this sort of stuff like they have the hypocrisy of the televangelist is pretty easy to spot I think and I'm not naming any names I mean I'm sure there's some good ones I know there's yeah I know some good ones I think people of course of course yeah it's not it's not surprising or anything but it's just kind of disgusting but even those people I wish them well and I think that they're probably struggling with uh you know having one foot in the world one foot in in God's Camp so um but the thing about the tongues is that people were understanding in their own native language when the saints were talking in tongues at Pentecost it wasn't gobbledygook it was intelligible and then Paul talks about well if there's no one there to interpret you're better off not speaking in tongues and these sorts of things it's more important to uh yeah the other gifts but um you know it's not a big deal it's not a big deal but I would be uncomfortable and here in Canada we had a movement uh a sort of Pentecostal thing that happened at the Toronto Airport and people were doing like laughter therapy uh like you know the Holy Spirit making everyone laugh and roll around on the floor and these sorts of things and it just it does look demonic and I think it is demonic like just this sort of uh letting letting yourself bark like a dog and laugh like a clown and just acting like a complete idiot uh all in the name of worshiping God I found that just nauseated I've never heard of that that's so weird I would be that would be I wouldn't participate yeah yeah yeah it's it's disturbing you know you have an intuition about like is this God lays this person Godly or not and you know what's going on here and is this a cult like what what's going on and if you if you led a sheltered life you might not know about all the Christian Cults or sex right oh my gosh yeah I'm still trying to figure out all the labels and what they mean I don't know but there are there are some shocking shocking stories and they always involve two things Sex and Money always okay when you look into these Cults these Christian Cults the pastor or whoever it is at the head of the cult is having sex with a lot of women and sometimes with men so um it's disgusting and they justify it this is what God wants this is you know and they just they fool people they fool people into thinking that it's Godly and it's not it's offensive to God so there's a lot of that taking place in Christianity there's a lot of so-called and there's a lot of that taking place in Hinduism Islam and Judea is not probably I don't know but I know mostly about the Christian Cults because I'm you know yeah I'm in the Christian West here so you have to be aware of that it's it's ugly and it's not pleasant but I think if you lived a sheltered life you're going to have to confront the fact that you're surrounded by wolves and sheep's clothing and it's not it's not just the Catholic church that's corrupt all of the Protestant denominations are subject to the same Temptations and the same tricks of the devil right yep so the pedophile priest we hear a lot about it I hear a lot about it you know the pedophiles and the Catholic church and these sorts of things they're everywhere yeah they're everywhere no every church has their people every church has their few and that's why I'm like everyone needs to be aware of which are the few or at least be alert because every every group that's kind of why I came to the conclusion after leaving the church I was like every group every group of people whether it's a church a business uh um just a group of friends together even like there's there's gonna be some some sin so you just gotta be ready to combat it and work through it but yeah pedophilia especially with the big mega church like how many how many of them are in there who knows but you have them you know you should at least know you have them yeah be on guard we have to give this is a principle of the church that we have to give people the benefit of the doubt we can't go around slandering their good name and uh gossiping and these sorts of things but you also have to be aware that you know we're not going to be naive right like you're not going to just give your children over to anyone oh it seems like a nice guy and what can go wrong what can go wrong well you'll find out pretty fast what can go wrong okay well yeah and I think that's why that's why it's so hard is in this generation too is I feel like there's just a high lack of morals um comparing to when I was growing up for whatever reason I don't know if it's just because it's in our faces more and we have more electronics and social media I don't know if that's the case and it's just in our faces more and it's the same but um it's very I don't feel comfortable leaving my children home with anybody to be honest with you like I and I don't yeah so and that's hard because you should be able to have a village where you can leave your children and get things accomplished but when you don't have other people to trust that's very hard so I think churches are important and I think you can't get away with that you can't get away from that stuff I think that churches could do better to protect children and women in that area but yeah I know Catholics are known for that the pedophilia but I really know that that's everywhere it's in it's everywhere you we have a sinful world so for sure so I know you're probably gonna have to wrap things up here so you can let me know is it is it a good time now to wrap it up or you want to talk for another couple minutes um I have like a couple minutes okay so let's do a wrap up like a final thought uh and I'll have you back again in the future if you don't mind just to talk more about the faith but for today uh just wrap it up with a little closing thought something that you'd like my listeners to contemplate because uh what you might not know about my podcast is there are a lot of atheists that listen to it um I mean not a lot of people listen to my podcast at all but among those who listen there's a percentage that's atheist Protestant Catholic some Eastern Orthodox and probably not too many uh other religions frankly but um it's particularly The Atheist I'm a little bit concerned about because they deny the existence of God so if you want to if you want to give a message that's good for Catholics Protestants and atheists it's a sort of a message of something positive because we're coming uh you know through three difficult years uh it was really hard on me and we could talk about that another time what I went through in the church okay I was physically abused in a church because I entered without a passport and I had the permission of my Bishop to do it but I got abused nonetheless and uh so uh it's been a difficult and trying time in my family and friends and in the church and everything like that so because it's a difficult time for me I'm sure it's a difficult time for everybody and uh so I'd like to end the show on a sort of positive note what what could you say to anyone that's out there I'm I always like to leave people interested in reading the Bible even if you're atheist yeah for me I didn't while I was an atheist um but there came a point in time after I um came back to God where I would crave the Bible and I would just and even still to do it this day like I love to read the Bible I think that it has so many good principles whether you believe in God or not the principles are true and good for us um so just that but also um yeah I think you know that I'm particular on which Bible I read so I mean uh the KJV and I'd like to clarify why like that I respect somebody who chooses one Bible and sticks with it more than I respect somebody who will just like flagrantly read whatever Bible so and even though I personally cannot like sit here and tell you why I choose that Bible I know like my own convictions and like with the certain experiences I've had with like my journey on figuring out which bible to read I would just tell anyone I mean pick up any Bible and then go from there figure it out God will lead you but um I personally like the KJV and there's many reasons that I'm not going to sit here and take the time to tell you why but um yeah just read the Bible I think that that's what I like to leave people with whether you believe in God or not it's all it's good yeah I have uh I converted in 2009 but I have a little Gideon's Bible that that was in a hotel room where I was staying with my wife one on one of our anniversaries I'm 27 years married now but um no children unfortunately but um we're staying in a little hotel and there was a little Gideon's Bible which had just New Testament and the Psalms I believe but um I was an atheist and I was reading it you know and loving it and I was also anti-christian so I was loving uh making fun of it you know the parts that I was able to make fun of and then secretly admiring Jesus and these sorts of things and uh so two years later I converted so I would definitely concur with you that it's important as an atheist to pick up the Bible even if you think you're being critical even if you're reading it to make fun of it or whatever it's gonna get through I mean it's gonna get through to you whether you like it or not right yeah yep it's amazing so thank you so much for taking the time and uh we'll have to do this again I hope you'll come back and share some more about your beautiful Faith with us and your ongoing journey into the church finding your church and and uh thank you okay so uh please pray for me in mine I mean this most sincerely and uh you and yours are in my prayers okay including a little baby that you look that you lost in the womb thank you uh because there's uh I don't know if you know about the Holy sacrifice of the mass but it's a representation of the sacrifice on the cross that Christ did for our sins and there's a lot of power in the mass it's uh and I've enrolled you and your family into a Perpetual Mass which means every day there's a mass being said for you and your family thank you I appreciate that thank you so a lot of races coming your way thank you I appreciate that more than you even probably know thank you I love being I need all the prayers that's what it's all about the the unity the union of prayer amongst us Christians is very powerful things so please please do make a number make a note to remember me and mine in your daily prayer of course okay of course thank you so much for having me this was a great conversation I was nervous this is my first podcast so you did very well thank you with all the Wi-Fi trouble and yeah I was gonna say you took a lot of breaks I'm sorry it's okay not a problem it was it was very nice meeting you and the technical stuff who cares that's not that's not a big issue at all and I will definitely have you back and uh say hi to the kids for me awesome all right have a good time take care bye God bless God bless you bye