oops hey i think we're live yeah we're live how is it going uh it's tyler is it yes tyler yes tyler blackburn sounds like a good scottish name oh well from the story of how it goes because i think um yeah because i think there's there's a blackburn soccer team and so um but the story goes that my ancestors got on the boat to come over and then basically the ship captain came around and people told him their last name and then he just stared at them confused like like they'd be like [ __ ] hubbard hubbard and be like you're [Laughter] so that's the origin of my name i wish i could be like oh it's from the clans who did this and that and some feats but no it's from some ship captain who just basically didn't want the trouble of pronouncing something well i'm picturing uh johnny depp uh as you tell your story like uh with all the fancy wardrobe and makeup and everything that's what i'm picturing so that's pretty cool story yep so uh why don't you start by just introducing yourself because we've never met properly we just sort of i've sent you an invite on telegram which i sometimes do i thought you were a middle-aged black man but i guess i was wrong no that's not the the joke is um what is it no it's it's i am a huge proponent of posting physique and i have unfortunately gotten chunky as of late and so um the joke is that's fats domino and i'm saying that by having fats domino is my happy because i'm not in peak like greek god condition like i used to be and so the reason i have him as my happy and most people are just like what the but the weird thing was is the minute i threw him as my abby like my street cred went up by like a good like 40 percent like people took me a ton more seriously right after i'm like i'm not sure if that's because they think i'm older they think i'm black that they're taking me so much more seriously yeah yeah i always be i was wearing being very polite to you because i thought you were a very dignified gentleman [Laughter] nope that's an internet troll sorry to disappoint so uh how old are you and where are you living these days i'm 25. i'm actually out of uh amarillo texas and there's a lot that's led me here i mean i i say it kind of i mean just to kind of jokingly but i'm also dead serious i'm a flying musical businessman i actually flight instruct and then pursue music pretty much as much as i can and then just do various stock trading or business stuff on the side wow where'd you get some deep voice puberty hopefully [Laughter] so uh is it running the family i think i don't know my um i don't know i don't think so it's just i i guess i've just at least my dad i don't think he has the same voice i do it's a little bit higher pitched does he sing and i've never i've never met my granddad like i'm like a gen z or a gen xer by like family history but then gen z by actual age of like my grandad was um yeah he lived in the great depression so apparently he was a big musician and stuff like um he used to play i think in clubs and stuff to make it through college and everything but i mean he was so old i never met the man beyond like at like four when i just couldn't remember it was he a texan [Music] think he was no he's a californian yeah yeah okay and so um yeah because my dad he just moved around a ton for work and we stayed in texas mostly and then after i finished work it was like pretty much it was right after the finish of covid and pretty much just i was like jesus take the wheel he said i'm sentencing you to well i'm being dramatic like don't strike me with lightning um i'm sentencing you to like amarillo texas and i was like really like really the only like thing i heard about from west texas is just that texas tech is there and it's a desert and there's a lot of wind and i was like i'm gonna flight instruct there but yeah no it's it's worked out really beautifully like it's been really really terrific out here whoa so before we get into all the you know the hobby stuff which is fun yeah i want you to take us through your spiritual journey or faith walk with god and uh how you ended up uh you're catholic right yes were you born and raised catholic just talk a little bit about your faith journey your parents your siblings and stuff like that so i'll have to forgive me for if i get a little emotional talking about it because i mean me and my boss have the same sentiments of those who i think are the most forgiving have the most reverence towards the subject and i mean my boss like he's he's a lot worse than i am like he's and this is this is a man that used to be a prison guard like i mean could pick people up and has stories of literally picking people up and slamming them down and then them basically rhythm and then turning lifeless on afterwards but if you get into the topic of forgiveness and i mean he's a filthy protestant i tell him but if you get it into the prop like if you get into the topic of forgiveness and the grace of the lord like i mean he he's again a giant like stereotypical prison guard like would just openly weep on the thought of the subject and i mean it's we we share the same kind of reverence towards it and so i actually grew up lds or mormon for what most people know them as and knowing my parent my my family was really devoutly lds and it just really i have the same beefs i do with lds and mormonism and whatever else that i do with protestantism is that really it's just the one thing that never sat right with me is they just freely accept that basically well god wouldn't they don't they well i guess it's more protestants don't believe that they would god would abandon them with a bible like he basically they believed that but that god just gave him a bible and said well that whole church thing i promised you not gonna happen like i'm sorry it fell apart just didn't work so here's a good book and uh you're on your own and i mean they still believe in the holy spirit and everything but it's just without i think any church structure i think it really doesn't mean really anything honestly beyond what they say it means and then for the lds they take it to another extreme of basically they believe that i mean everything leading up to the crucifixion more or less i mean that's that's actually more generous than than it is than it is accurate but they they still hold the old testament they still have the new testament but basically they believe that the earth wasn't ready for god's true church so then he just basically left everybody out in the dust for 18 years the 1800 years the martyrs were all for nothing like everybody that just worked and died for the church i mean just was all for nothing and then all of a sudden joseph smith came around and decided he had everything everyone needed it just it's with a lot of lds stuff it sounds really good on a surface value but then if you really dig deep into it it just makes no sense like what was the purpose of the atonements and it's just all this stuff that just makes absolutely no sense and so growing up with that i mean i don't mean to be like edgy teenager and like i hate my parents and everything but like i just kind of grew astray from them and just kind of from like tough family situations and my dad not being around too much and so on like i just kind of resented them and the faith even more and more until i went to college and then pretty much took the full heathen train as far as i could of basically just what however i could get dopamine out of my system just going the full way and drugs and well i can't say that for legal purposes uh like various bad things until finally i just remember just like my freshman year of college like i was i i hit the point where i was just eating steel cut outs because that's all i had in cans for like months on end and just like i'll never forget sitting on my couch just being like i'm just being so furious that i was starving and that was when i first switched on over to thinking okay like clearly what i'm doing is unsustainable here so i have to switch up the game or let's not switch up the game but just find find some other center to get something a lot more meaningful and that's why i turned turned a lot more conventional wisdom like the seven habits of highly effective people i think is a good um is the book i love the most and i still do like not all of it but a good amount of parts of it but the issue with it is that it really has the center of morality and everything as a universal thing like it's not tailored to any specific one or faith like these are just laws that exist everywhere and just by just observing nature basically then you can derive these laws and basically figure out how to find your life and stuff and it's a very materialistic world view and so really i took that for the rest of college and it wasn't until pretty much um after all my friends stabbed me in the back and like just life bottomed out i was homeless and pretty much just i'd never forget my prayer i made that night of like i pretty much turned the lord and just said all right i've i've had enough i've taken it every single way i can i even like intertwine that with the political solution was a proud boy for a while and i still love him to death but i just it's the whole belief that like oh like the west is the best just because we have western values and freedom which are just nebulous terms that don't mean anything just it was proved to be unfulfilling and just when everything fell apart yet again like it's when i honestly turned to god and i mean i've had my phases of like being the really snobby sort of christian if you walk around finger wagging at everybody and i think a lot more christians have that phase than they'd realize then they'd care to admit but i mean that's that's ultimately what led to me coming out to amarillo texas is that really like i prayed and my initial um plan after i finished school was just to drive and basically just interview until i found a job and then amarillo texas turned out to be it and i don't intend on staying here for a whole lot like whole long of a time but i mean i found it really really to be a real blessing to be out here and it's been just really terrific wow amazing story so how did how many siblings have you got i got one older who's still devoutly lds and then i have two younger one that's unfortunately an atheist and then um i have a younger sister that i think's leaning towards christianity she's kind of paralleling like my life in a lot of ways um but i'd say in an even more messy fashion and i mean she's kind of she knows that like there's there's a christ uh what is it a christ-shaped hole in her heart but has yet to find a home and anywhere and i've tried bringing her to the best of my ability to the one true church and so but yeah amazing so uh how did your folks take it when you said you're catholic of all things they they were more um as as you can they know and i know from the tattoo and everyone knows they're more like well at least he's he's he's abiding by some guidelines in his life like we can be happy for that what's your tattoo oh it's it was again like i mean i speak really esteemed but i mean i used to be borderline [ __ ] it's um i think a buddhist symbol back from the heathen days and how it literally came about is like me and my roommate were like we want tattoos and we just looked up cool images online like i like that i'm getting that as a tattoo and that's how i got my tattoo like i think like a good 1200 bucks later oh wow really yeah and i'm just like it's it's when anybody asks like what does it mean it's like i've grown that's what it means so uh what were the biggest attractions to the catholic church was it the issue of authority like you wanted an infallible authority that could actually connect you a finite creature with god the infinite creator was that the sort of drive it was a mixture of that and i mean my boss hates it when i say this because like tradition means nothing outside of like you can have traditions and everything and then tries to bring up these really protestant style like straw man's of but anyway i'm getting on to a the rabbit hole of ragging on my boss who will argue with periodically but um it's really what's attracted me the most to the church is the line the strict line from peter because i mean i'm a very emotionally clingy person like i don't i can't fathom the idea that like a loving god who would die for his people suddenly abandoning them especially after you look at all the stuff the jews did whenever the basically god was um still had them as the chosen well i guess they'll always be the chosen people but i mean he was working through them through the like old testament of they were awful like i mean horrendous and he didn't say well you guys you guys have jude one too many person like i'm sorry i'm out of here like he stuck with them through thick and thin and why would you not expect the catholic church which i mean i think everybody can admit is a little messy in some parts of its history by the actions of man not really by the church not why can't we not expect the true church of the latter days really to be the same that i mean it's i find sanctity especially in a world that's falling apart that there's not my father's fathers but great great great who knows how many have really found solace and fulfillment and really a clear path as ironic as that is because like half of catholicism is the great mysteries and everything else which is awesome that's how it should be but i'm just saying it's kind of a little ironic but um i found i'd say um salvation through it and it's not something that oh they had to just say these few lines like they there was a bar that they basically had to break themselves against to attain salvation and i really believe like why would it be anything different and really that's in a nutshell what's attracted me to it and admittedly i've only been catholic since maybe a month are you serious so as far as like yeah as far as like deep really like doctrinal study i can't like honestly do that too much but i mean it's the the most difficult thing i've had is converting and really driving out what was lds um beliefs and what is like catholic beliefs like the one thing that's been tripping me out the most is both the book of mormon which is their basically version of the quran and um as well as like stuff like the pre-mortal life where they believe that we existed before we came to earth and so it's like i'm not like i was very studied in all things lds and it's really hard to take that over and so in a lot of ways like i think the mormons honestly stole a ton from the catholic church and really that's where i've found a lot of sanctity and kind of like i don't want to say home in but i mean i found some familiarity in it you know stuff that i've kind of studied before but then i've been just trying to fill in the blanks of what is and isn't um catholic yeah well it's all about the truth and as saint justin martyr said in the second century i think it was the second century he said all truth belongs to us christians and he was a pagan convert to christianity um it's all about the truth and we love the truth and the truth does not belong to us we belong to the truth so you recognize the truth and uh you know you can deceive yourself like yeah i i need to have this third piece of chocolate cake like you can lie to yourself but you know when you're lying right it's just self-indulgence but uh we know the truth we recognize the truth and uh when it comes to sort of feeling secure that you're part of the one true religion it's all about examining the metaphysical underpinnings of your worldview this catholic worldview is the only one that has a philosophical basis that's uh you know that cannot be challenged whatsoever because the mormons don't have their theology in terms of god and the sort of the metaphysics of the uncaused first cause they don't even have that part down so no offense to any mormons or lds but it is laughable it is a joke and um you know it's all about understanding you know the necessary being that then which nothing greater can be conceived and just the the whole classical theism is a good way to shore up your faith in christianity and i always say that metaphysics will bring you to monotheism there's absolutely no other alternative and once you're a monotheist then the study of history will teach you that all this talk about jesus that takes place in the different monotheistic religions only makes sense in the christian version of the story it only makes sense because the jews talked about the coming messiah and then he came and they just ignored him and their church fell apart and then the muslims i mean it's just absolutely ridiculous what they say about the messiah how uh you know it was a non-trinitarian unitarian muslim uh movement it just was not like that's uh history refutes that so easily it's ridiculous and then once you're a christian you have to think about um authority and then you'll soon you'll soon discover that the catholic church is the the only real option so i'm very very very very very secure in my faith i'm a fallible man i could be wrong yep in principle but it really isn't that complicated and uh when you're thinking about a second best option of plan b where would i go from here if catholicism contradicted itself like dogmatically where would i go i would go not to orthodoxy not to protestantism not to islam or judaism not to lds i would go to generic monotheism i still i'm still going to worship the one true god the unconscious first cause so i've got this security and i don't have any temptation whatsoever to join scientology or any of these other religions hinduism or buddhism or anything else i've got no desire it's like catholicism or generic monotheism that's it so and we know that god as a loving god would not leave us orphans and jesus christ himself said that he would not leave us orphans and he said that it's better for you that i ascend to heaven to the father because if i don't i won't send you the holy spirit which is the soul the very soul of the church right so we could be very very secure in our catholic faith it's amazing i thank god every day for catholic faith so did he get baptized or did you get confirmed what was the ritual that made you sort of mark your calendar like now i'm catholic i actually got baptized because the lds baptism isn't valid yeah primarily because of how they view god like they view god as basically the person who got the next um baton basically the line of like gods like they're technically polytheistic because they believe that god is an elevated man given godhood and then all of them are eventually going to be also gods and it's absolutely insane like i'm just i i'm almost baffled that it took me until middle schooler to be like this is ridiculous and i mean that full offense to anybody in the faith just like it is just insane like just stepping outside and looking at it i'm just like how did i go along with this like till middle school like i can't believe that people die and are like yes i'm gonna be a god like that is it's just anyway but i forget what my original point was what was the question [Laughter] was there uh was there uh baptism and you were explaining the baptism yes yes yes by the way very very very very very lucky to have uh baptism after you had it after your puberty yeah so like your all your little solitary sins and all that were uh forgiven and the the eternal consequences or the sorry the temporal consequences due to those sins were forgiven so you had a really clean slate i wanted that when i entered the church in 20 2009 but uh my baptism as a protestant was valid that's what they declared so i wasn't able to have the baptism but i got confirmed and it's good so what was the date uh what was the year and the month when you got baptized it's literally oh is that saturday like i have it on a pillow because they're really nice in my church they actually made me a pillow that's so sweet but um uh i think it was like yeah it was like april 16th 2022. oh boy wow wow really recently i know but i'd also say i mean i'd honestly kind of envy even protestants i mean for having you both be baptized in the faith because it's like they actually had like whether it wasn't the whole complete version like they had like a portion of god's true word and they had that guidance and from me honestly a former nihilist like honestly i'd see that more as a blessing than um something you're like oh you're so lucky because then you got that all taking care of you i'm like i wish i just had the guidance before i was baptized but i really didn't beyond just kind of like oh if it feels good then it must be good and that's what it's it's when people say that i'm kind of like like i i'm more envy you like i know like i know don't get me wrong i know how messy it was growing up but the thing is is i mean there's still roots you had there to go with instead of basically just hacking away at the jungle and being like i hope this is the right way so you've got a quite a way with words you're a colorful uh storyteller and creative thinker an artist you're an artist makes a good musician and well more of uh i guess a confusing flight instructor because i'll walk away some days like i hope i hope i explained that in a way that actually made sense to another human being oh wow the pressure the pressure on your shoulders it's amazing that you that you have the nerve to do that job but good on you it's yeah it's it like i don't even it's i don't know like flying like it's just it's not as complicated as you think it is but i mean my job is pretty much half ensuring a safe learning environment and like this includes i don't know i don't know what it is about my middle eastern students but they have this certain affinity for buildings assuring that they don't slam into them as well as basically screaming at them like turn right we don't want to hit that radio tower tell them don't don't smash into any skyscrapers that don't have the thermite installed yet right we gotta install the thermite first you gotta clear it i mean there has to be some oil sales that you can make like you gotta you gotta get those documents delivered all the people coming after you and i mean i'll take care of you but we gotta we gotta talk about the business prospects of people here i see i see okay i understand i'm starting to understand your job now so uh this is so exciting it's so exciting to meet a young man who's just entered the church but i mean i feel a little bit awkward that you can't share the joy with your immediate family do you have friends at least that are uh that are excited about your conversion that are supporting you and cheering you on and praying for you and all that have one or two or three well you can add me yeah you too but um well it's mainly been everyone here on telegram because admittedly like i'd followed milo a good while and what initially was a mixture of him and self that really oh yeah so yeah interest in catholicism it wasn't just like i woke up one morning was like the true church is catholicism like it was a bit more of a gradual process i'm not going to pretend like i was like intellectual superhuman and could drive that like i had to be very led into it and i mean so if i found like which it's it's i hate that i get like a lot of my philosophical points from an autistic 14 year old girl but they're really good [Music] she's she's some sort of a special genius i don't know what it is but she's got the edge she's got the delivery she's got the insights and a friend of mine introduced me to her uh videos and he seems to think she's being coached heavily because she can't possibly come up with this stuff on her own but i don't know i know she works with her brother i know uh you know uh she's got probably got a good family and stuff like that yeah i i honestly think like like while she probably writes a lot of stuff and her brother helps her out i think i mean if you look at her with like she'll do like streaming and stuff like it's it's very clear that like she while maybe can't articulate the points like right away as brilliantly as she will whenever she makes the videos and stuff altogether she um i mean that kind of root and wit and knowledge and just general her is rooted from it and so yeah it's it's yeah like i think honestly she's pretty brilliant i keep inviting her on my podcast and she keeps ignoring my emails so you're going to have to reach out i'll have to throw the recommendation one of these days have you talked have you emailed her and gotten a reply i don't think i ever have because it's just like i've pretty much just watched your video she's i don't think she's as available as milo is because milo pretty much makes a point to basically um reach out to his fans both i think because he genuinely loves it talking to his fans as well as i mean i think he also knows that i mean that's for an aspiring and occult a a cult around him and not that he actually is but i'm just being dramatic um pretty much you you have to interact with your your your common people and stuff well you know milo ignored my emails too but um i bugged him a couple of times i'd really like to talk to him i think he's a little bit uh going a little bit too far with his uh pope bashing how do you feel about pope francis and uh how do you feel about uh um sort of the spectrum within the catholic um people like the members of the church there in america there's a lot of political stuff bleeding in which i don't like but the big strong uh lefty contingent right-wing contingent and the moderates and the centrists and those who are apolitical you don't really hear the hear about them on the internet because they're not loud like they left in the radar talk a little bit about that left right dichotomy within the catholic church and especially in the online community how how has that affected you are you attracted to the left or the right and what are you trying to do well really i've kind of abandoned all politics because again i used to be a proud boy and whatnot and now don't get me wrong like i love the proud voice to death i'm a nut till i die but um uh it's just i i like the whole political spectrum i just can't get behind anymore of we've like really all trump really represented to me was the world was america's best secular solution and that amounted who could have guessed to nothing like i mean people would be like well like there's the wake he's left and all this other stuff i'm like like the writing's on the wall man like we got maybe five years until everything collapses like quick quick kidding yourself and so really i don't apply like to left right like it doesn't mean anything to me but ultimately honestly i'm so new to the faith i'm still just like amped that like to basically be in it that it exists and that i found it and it's just all the things that kind of i'd say the more minor things especially as of recently because i think that after the whole or a deal with i think i read up on the scandals um leading up till i think like 2014 or so with the church having i think either one of the car i don't know you could probably explain it better than me but all the all the sex scandals basically in it involving priests and so on i think honestly it's it's i don't know in recent times i i think pope francis is starting either has repented of them but it just hasn't stated publicly or i it's it's i've seen him starting moving in a little bit better direction than what i've heard that he has in past but again i'm still a new catholic and i'm not going to pretend that i really know anything on honestly that i don't and so i just i'm still dazzled by the faith and i just haven't sat down and been like okay let's actually um look i haven't gotten comfortable enough like most people do at their jobs to basically whine about the little things i'm still just as that like i've i've landed in home base and i'm just basically this joy that i feel and i can sleep just so much better every night like it's still just overwhelming basically to take in but really it's it's i think the one thing i have landed on and all of that is i really think that there's a certain level of both humility um trust that's involved with trusting where the overall church has gone and is going i think it's get that verse that i think spekso um posted that i think was actually really really moving it was like lean not um on your own understanding but trust i think the lord your god with all your heart i definitely didn't say what the i didn't definitely didn't quote the verse verbatim but the general kind of uh idea of it and i honestly think a lot of poor people need a lot more of that within the church is pretty much to while yes i mean it's made up of men and it's we're never gonna have our utopia on earth for the overall movement of the collective church i think there needs to be a lot more trust on that on that god is in control and that he clearly has some purpose to be done with it and i mean if you really believe that there are concerns to be had like wet head voice and whatever but i still think that trust needs to be there or else we have the sxpx people basically sounding honestly like glorified protestants and kind of ortho bros and that they're about to go just basically acts the catholic church um post vatican 2 and say like this was this was the perfect church back in the good old days back when no one ever farted and all that pretty much so uh yeah it's good it's good to see through all the rad trad nonsense instead of a cantus and all that it's just it's it's just it's it's just glorified protestantism like you said heresy and schism is easy to recognize it it's very easy to recognize it's because uh the pope is the principle of unity in the christian religion and it's like if you don't have the pope you're in grave danger like you don't have to like him but you do have to love him and you have to submit to him his teachings and uh so i mean we don't need to mirror his every thought word and deed right we are individual persons with our own personalities and uh you know we we both like leonel messi the the soccer player but i mean other than that we don't have too much in common i mean other than our adherence to the catholic faith but um you know uh i think he's a sweet man i think he's a holy man and i love i i actually revel in the ambiguity that drives the rat tracks crazy i revel in it because i like subtle thought i like humor you have to have a sense of humor to see through all of the the nonsense and clutter that's in this worldly worldly world this is a worldly world satan is the prince of this world and what satan does not want is for us to see through his shenanigans he doesn't want that but pope francis is very clever he's very witty he's very uh if i could use the word devilish i mean just a little bit just a little bit uh impish i guess it's a better word but um when you when you have christ you have a certain freedom and audacity that will annoy people just like socrates and annoyed people of his day when you see through the bs you annoy people especially religious hypocrites who was jesus uh annoying the most it was the religious hypocrites those who were whiter than white on the outside so uh yeah i think we need humility i often talk about this on my podcast it's just like in the day of noah we needed humility and guess what not a lot of people had that humility only eight people were on the ark including noah and his wife so i mean humility is a rare uh gift and a lot of people who think that they know what's up uh they're just wrong i'm sorry and uh it's the same in our day as just like jesus says it's the same today as it was in the days of noah people were partying having fun and yeah they thought they were right yep sorry but they thought they were right and they were not stupid you know this is the just the the delusion that we have today where we think we're so advanced because of our iphones and all our technology all these sorts of things indoor plumbing and all that sort of thing we could lose that like you said in five years we could lose well we could lose all of that so we have to trade very carefully so um what are you excited about in terms of uh the saints i mean we could talk about mary has she had an impact on you did you have a hard time with any of the doctrines for example the immaculate conception or any of the marian dogmas or anything like that or just talk a little bit about mary and the saints not really like it's i guess for me it's i have it's more of just i've known it's the true faith and so i've just dived into it but i've never i don't think i really struggled with too much of um the immaculate conception or anything kind of the the hedonist like nihilist part of me just kind of has only qualmed with the things of like giving up swearing and giving up like all this other stuff that's been more on the back of my mind of like uh another thing that i have to give up that i've enjoyed so much these years yeah but i thought i just want to say like oh like i had so much trouble with it like this doctrine and wrestling and like had to basically be with like jacob and wrestle with god over the fact that like i have to basically honor mary how god did it's like nah i i wish i could say that it's it's i'm really i'm the whole birth control thing when i was um pretty much whenever his first game of faith i was like oh no really but then after a while yeah it makes total sense you know it's been since 2009 you can do the math you're brighter than i am what was that 12 years 13 years uh since my conversion and becau i still say bad words uh because it's a habit that's hard to lose uh not because i have it's not because i lack self-control it's because i'm married to someone who a woman who swears like a truck driver so it's just a cotton bathing i'm soaking in cuss words i'm just bathing it every day i think everyone gets that because really it's even in the past 10 years i've noticed from like being like a kid to being well i like to think [Laughter] to where it's just it's the disdain for i'd say just kind of others that people have to wear like i mean all it's i mean even as bad as i used to be there'll be like some people f dropping around kids i'm like okay we gotta we've gotta have some control here but i mean it's just people just like there's no there's no line like they basically see kids and really it's it just doesn't matter and so i think that's what's made it harder now because he and my parents that and it's kind of going along with i mean catholicism having a lot of humor a lot of joy like that's been the most unsettling part is i come in here and like everyone's joking everyone's laughing and like i'll even have some deacons that'll make some dick jokes periodically i'm sitting there just like oh my oh my goodness like not in church i hope not in church come on not not in church but i think it was in um when you went to the strip club rcia and he brought up he referenced the third leg and i was sitting there just like you bastard boys will be boys i know it's so it's it's just it's i don't even know how to act around like people at church because it's just like it's i'm used to the very lds puritan style of just how are the kids good ah good to check in with you see you next week that's the whole topic of conversations no joy very bland and it's just i'm so just like taken back and just i don't know how to step in the faith in that realm it's it's i've still been just kind of warming the waters because i haven't gone too far yet i haven't gone too far yet to where anybody's like okay okay you gotta dial it back because i've just been like i just i i don't want to hit that line but what was i saying with this we were talking about um i just get well the whole the whole theme of what you're exploring here is how much freedom we have in christ and how there's a certain um i don't want to say a lack of decorum or irreverence or something like that but it's just a little bit more loose and free and you know that's that's my personality you can't see it right now but i'm wearing a shirt that says freedom convoy because i was like uh i was a big fan of the truckers that went to ottawa i went to ottawa and supported the truckers and all that sort of thing not bad i think there are some proud boys there actually um you know i'm a freedom fighter i love freedom and i'm a bit of a rebel at hurt you know and so i do like that i do like the freedom that i have in christ but at the same time like you i think there's a balance where we can sort of enjoy ourselves but we should also strive to not cross any lines and uh you know there's a certain taste level that we have to impose on ourselves even though we want to be totally trashy and i mean i do i don't know about you but i i just love trash talking and i love lying like i love lying for fun like it's kind of like joking joking like i love gaslighting people but it is funny you know there is humor god has a sense of humor and if you read the bible you find a lot of stuff that makes you chuckle and laugh and um obviously some pretty heavy stuff in the bible too are you uh are you sort of aware of the differences between the different versions of the bible do you have a favorite version or do you try to read a catholic bible with the 73 books or what's your relationship with the bible now that you're catholic well it's because i was initially trying to convert while um kovid was hitting but then i mean you had all the cathedral or parishes still getting my terminology together um parishes closing their doors and saying oh yeah just watch this online [Music] so then i mean i've even heard horror stories from people basically trying to convert and being turned away and yeah while i was a convert i was kind of like well uh but then now i'm thinking i'm just like about tearing my hair out i'm like there's souls on the line what are you doing yes yes i agree but yeah like i initially went and he said well um like probably the best bible to read i think he gave me the rsv and i've enjoyed that one because i do like the really poetic um the very poetic flow of the new american standard bible like it's really enjoyable to read but i'm also kind of one of wanting to again have my foundation flattened out and then figuring out what is and isn't catholic i've found solace in the rsv because it's i mean there's some people that say there's some heresies in there which i'll probably hopefully figure out later um but it i think is very to the point on a very literal translation of it and that's what i've actually been using a ton and enjoyed to where i just i read it i feel like i really understand it versus getting a very pretty version and digestible version of the verse that um i just keep reading not without necessarily fully understanding it as it should be not saying the new american one is like bad but i'm just there's far more blunt versions of the bible and then far more kind of poetic ones and i appreciate them both but from a convert standpoint have found solace in the rsv yeah yeah it's one of my pet projects is thinking about the what i call what i've come to call recently the mystical bible that's the bible that no human has ever seen and we just have these uh you know transcripts and pieces of transcripts and translations of transcripts and we've pieced it together and all this sort of thing and i my emphasis is on the undeniable fact that there is a non-zero level of error in each and every one of these so-called bibles that we have available to us today okay a non-zero level of error and tell me you're not a uh what is it the um people that believe the king james version is almost god himself of like he was with them writing every single word no i believe i believe in the inerrancy of the scriptures in in in total and in all the parts that's a that's a catholic dogma we have to believe that yeah and it's not only concerning faith in morals too that's another thing that a lot of modernists try to slip in like oh well it's it's uh infallible and inerrant only concerning faith and morals that's not the case it's it it's all inherent now we need an interpreter that's why it's that's why i say it's a mystical bible because the church is one flesh with jesus christ the deep mystery and christ is the you know the god is the holy and the holy spirit the holy um sorry the primary author of scripture is the holy spirit we attribute that to uh the holy spirit anything that the uh anything that god does any of the persons in the godhead does uh is done by all three this is we use attribution to sort of break it down what's the most appropriate attribution to attribute to the holy spirit or to attribute to the son or to attribute to the father but anything that happens outside of the trinity is done by all three persons so just a technical point to bear in mind but um what i'm driving at here is that there is a bible and it is inerrant but we don't have it what do we have instead what we have is a living magisterium that's been there since the beginning in this this one holy catholic and apostolic church we have that living magisterium and that's what we rely on and i mean it just it's laughable to me the emphasis that the protestants and the non-catholic christians place on the bible when they don't even have the bible and even if they thought they had the bible they would have to ask themselves how did they get this bible on what authority do they know that it's authoritative you know the canon of scripture it's just it's just it's a laughable conundrum but people don't think about the fundamentals they just go along with their what they were raised in or whatever they fell into whatever group they fell into and i'm not putting anyone down i'm just saying not everyone has the same predisposition my predisposition is to drill down to the fundamental questions and to sort of uh see if we see if we're building on a solid foundation right in the philosophical choices we make because i mean i've seen i don't know the because for a while well it was kind of i don't want to say church shopping because that's a strictly protestant kind of uh view of um religion but um well i was basically exploring a round face i mean there was one i call them the boomer baptist church because it was the most stereotypical like boomer baptist church you've ever said of they basically intertwine politics with religion to the point where like they'd be like having basically a uh whatever like trump yeah yeah some some like headline from fox in one hand and a bible like you see kind of things and that's been one thing that it's they basically i think has drawn a lot of people to protestantism is i really believe it is a worship of the ego in a lot of ways basically and they'll say well we looked through the history and found all this and that that justifies my point but i still believe a lot of them don't realize that they're selectively looking at history and the best example is my boss like he'll finger wag and say well i like jesus came not to change neither a tittle nor an eye of the faith and all this stuff and whatever verse that comes from and then i go okay let's um i really i'm a big fan of leviticus 2013. i got some stones for you let's go man it goes hold up hold up hold up here like i mean he clearly they like god was just trying to basically instill heterosexuality in the people and and that's that's why he did that he didn't mean that literally but i'm like you said don't change a diddle or diddle or an eye or whatever it means and it's you see this in pretty much all of them that's what turned me off from protestantism is really just their their authority is self-granted and it reflects it in really just all their sermons and beliefs and this is why you'll see them cons like not constantly but after weeks like weeks on end they'll be contradicting each other like again i keep bringing up my boss because we debate the most and he's also the most like flamboyant with his opinions half the time won't ask he'll just come in and start throwing them out there and i'm just like okay but um i love him to death though like don't get me wrong i love my boss to death he's fantastic man um but like he'll he'll go on like one one week he'll be like crusades like how can you justify war like that is just unjustifiable and then the next week will be like the tv showed me some sad images therefore we gotta invade ukraine and so it's and i mean again i i don't think they entirely mean it it's just kind of the nature of the faith of living in a faith that is just bound really rooted in your ego and doesn't have those roots that outstretch from i'd say millenniums back to peter who was then given that authority from god to pull from they're they're doing the best that they can with essentially no foundation of just slapping on the house as much as they can and just hoping it holds together and so it's where i kind of just will bite my tongue at times and i'm not trying to sound like i'm like the the smartest person alive like i mean it's i'm i'm i tell people i'm just as smart as i am stupid like i'll go from this podcast to i don't even know what sort of stupid things i do but definitely inevitably result the minute i leave here have you ever used a hot glue gun to apply a mustache on your upper lip i've done that no no never have my well i was about to do it and my wife who has common sense said no don't do that you burn your lip i'm like oh yeah you're right i was also going to make a bust of like a a sculpture of my head using uh polyethylene or whatever it's called that two-part mixture yeah encase my head in this [ __ ] and she's like no you'll suffocate and die and i'll crush your head i'm like oh yeah you're right she said she saved my life multiple times that's funny no i i well i mean my memory is shot from various past entanglements and i would go on all the diatribes of the stupid things i've done but better to forget about it yeah better to forget about it so what's your prayer life like do you like the our father the hail mary the rosary what do you like it's the glory because with the lds faith and i don't mean to bring up like everything ties back to mormonism i'm more of just saying where i'm coming from and why i go certain ways or others because i've been needing to get more into the memorized prayers because it's i really enjoy just how deeply poetic they are as well as how reverent they are yeah but for the lds like i still pray in the style that they do which is they'll basically pray kind of like protestants do it's very casual and they they just interlace it with bees and thighs basically as if they're they're acting as if basically they're writing something that would be put in the uh king james version as far as speaking goes and then they basic it's which i think is is admirably a little bit more reverent than how a lot of protestants pray but that's been one thing that's been on the back of my mind of like i need to start memorizing prayers and like i think it is important to still have that personal relationship with god and have that conversation but i also think it's important to have that reverence and realize really who you are talking to and there's times for casual conversation but then there's also times for deep reverence as to who you are speaking to and that's been the one thing i've been not really struggling with but it's just been i've been trying to develop like i'd say a good majority of catholics have which i honestly find really impressive so when's the last time you prayed a non-spontaneous prayer then pretty much with rcia being honest like it's those have been the only times i've done um non-spontaneous prayers i guess which i i say and admit with a little bit of guilt because i mean i had my prayer book i should be thumbing through it but yeah it's that's the last time i did i do about an hour a day of memorized prayers like i have them obviously memorized and i can it's really good it would probably be an hour and a half if i didn't do them at like light that warp speed like [Laughter] yeah but no i don't go that fast but i i i do burn through them pretty quickly just because it's like yeah i know exactly what i'm saying i better set it every day for the past ten years you know yeah um but i keep i add stuff that's the only thing that like i really don't like with not the cathedral in town is yeah our our our father is pretty much it's kind of like that where it's just so overly rehearsed that he pretty much just spits it on out that's yeah that's the only thing that i'm like i mean i i love the reverence of it but i don't like it being just like oh going through the motions yeah that's the only thing that that really like it's just a real real pet peeve of mine to watch like i think for my second confession i went in there and basically just went lightning through the prayer i'm like no holy advice no like basically a tribe of how i need to just submit myself before god like come on man have a little heart into this yeah yeah yeah yeah well it's like it's like anything else in life you know uh it's like if you watch me at work you're like oh david you don't care about your job like i mean it's cause i'm lazy and i'm just i'll just do the minimum right so that's how we are and it's like uh the the analogy i like to use with religion and our relationship with god is obviously a romantic relationship and could you treat your spouse that way and maintain the relationship like uh hello we have to work at it we have to be in the moment you can't be distracted you can't be just like yes dear yes dear yes you're not even listening and she's like getting more and more angry and annoyed because you're just saying yes dear and she she's not stupid so it's the same thing with god i mean uh but god doesn't nag us in the way that maybe a wife would i'm not saying my wife just lets us or at least most of the time just kind of shoot ourselves in the foot yeah you know what i think that was a good idea yeah like thinking i like thinking about the patience of god in the silence of god and the uh just the way that that is interactive like interacting basically with a brick wall that loves you infinitely it's just like it's fascinating you know just how god gave us the intellect and the free will and we're able to get inspiration like good inspiration and also bad inspiration and we can choose and we can react to it and it's fascinating uh and god god cares and he's intervening and he's he's guiding us and he's giving us graces and when we say yes to the grace then we can start cooperating and then that can build up some momentum and i like to think about the tiny spark of faith that i had that allowed me by the grace of god to say yes to conversion and then how i cherish that little spark and managed to build it into a little flame and then it got bigger and bigger and then it got smaller during colvid because i wasn't allowed to go to mass and i got physically assaulted in a church because i went in without a passport because i'm not vaccinated and so canada right i mean canada is really extreme up in here in quebec yeah that's crazy so i mean our faith my point here is that our faith is uh is a gift from god it's supernatural and if we do do not feed our faith if we do not nourish and cherish our faith it will die it will die we have to be a little bit nervous a little bit just just like if you're carrying a child in your womb not you have a womb but if you were a woman carrying a child in your womb you'd want to eat right and try to avoid all the hard drugs and all that sort of thing right you wanna you wanna nourish this and cherish it and it's life it's life it's jesus christ in us right it's the life of the trinity in us so we have to take care and uh if we do take care and then that will build our faith a lot of atheists for some reason even those who claim to have been christian before they don't seem to understand that it's a working relationship and that it requires a lot of care and attention and struggle and suffering and pain and inconvenience and you know every time i'm in mass i'm not just like singing with the angels and like floating on a cloud i'm thinking when's my next meal like when can i get out of here and go stuff my face like that's what i'm thinking a lot of the time so it's not like it's not like it's the highlight of my week i used to be going to mass every day when my faith was stronger before covet now my my faith is weaker i'm it's sort of a background plan that i have to get back into going to daily mass but i have to build up to i can't pretend to be where i'm not like i was there i'm not there now right so yep but uh my point is that you know it's the same with my prayer life it's not like oh it's the highlight of my day it's more of like this thing i have to do and like i just want to get through it but i'm of two minds because i know that i have to go to the sacraments to nourish my my prayer life and my prayer life will in turn help me to uh with the virtues and to get closer to god and this sort of thing but it's just like if you have a membership at the gym a lot of people have membership to the gym but not a lot of people go in a disciplined manner and taking care and doing things in a proper way and watching their diet and all these sorts of things it's a whole lifestyle and it's not easy it's not easy right no but i really think it's a good analogy of it to see it like faith as a human life because i mean with it and there's a real beauty that i think is also carried with it too and i mean it's just really beautiful to think that you have this creator that basically inter inter um just wove basically this web to the point where he specifically designed every single little aspect of it including you and really that's been the one thing that i find honestly the most really as i find the most revering of i'd say the faith in general is that like he pretty much this grand magnificent being that i mean has all the power of the universe took the time and really sat down and designed each and every little intricate part of your personality as to what you were to become and so on and then also interwove it basically into your life for you to grow and so on like i just it's it's almost i don't want to say mind blowing because it doesn't do it justice it's just not unnerving because i mean that would that doesn't convey the right um but it's just it's really it really puts me in awe awesome to think about it yeah it's awesome and it's astonishing that's a word that gets used a lot in the new testament they were astonished you know those parables are sometimes when the jews come at him with the trick question and they just nails it and they're astonished and they try to arrest him and they come back why didn't he arrest him because no one's ever spoken like he speaks like he's just like there's something about this guy he's very clever but even as an atheist you know i enjoyed uh reading about jesus and his uh really snappy answers to stupid questions yeah yeah yeah that's actually really interesting because yeah whenever i was like admittedly an unironic atheist like i just kind of like pretty much it was like holding fire i was like every like getting it away from me as much as i could i think the only as cringy as it is and i i like it's i say this with like every level of cringe going through the back of my mind the only time i brought up anything biblical is i think i was like making a uh yeah i was making a um a political speech to be a fraternity president and i knew my audience was bit like very christian so i brought up i think like either king benjamin or somebody who was awesome but i mean from that it was purely manipulative and i i find that actually really interesting that i mean it's even as an atheist yeah but just bear in mind bear in mind this was like i i didn't realize that i was like in the throes of conversion right when i was like reading the bible because i was an enemy of christ in his church as an atheist and i'd gone so far as to call myself an atheistic satanist and i was worshiping the self like overtly and explicitly without uh unironically as you would say that's a good word but um you know but then unbeknownst to me in all my searching and now my reading of philosophy and there's a lot of christianity in western philosophy as you probably know um unbeknownst to me i was sort of getting seduced by the word of god and even though i was reading it as an enemy of god like this is stupid this book's stupid look at let us do what this passage is look how stupid that passage is and then you know in the new testament it's like hmm this is really interesting like i mean i couldn't i couldn't help it i couldn't help but be moved and touched and impressed by the new testament you know much of it a lot of it i was like you see it is evil you know it's god is an evil guy but um you know it just creeps in god has a way of of seducing us very gently very very quietly and gently and uh he just shows a little bit of skin and then you're like oh that's exciting what is that and then you know he's the ultimate flirt right yeah i'd say that's a good one i like the i like contemplating the feminine aspect of god there are many passages in the bible about the femininity of god he's the mother it's a huge it's a huge russian it's i think explored a lot in uh russian orthodoxy because i think they talk about anima the um yeah the feminine side of god and like i think it was like it's either sophia or something or i don't know i just remember whenever i was reading uh crime and punishment it was just this huge and um there's this huge huge huge motif throughout the story was pretty much the feminine part of god and it's been forever since i've read it and admittedly it was back in high school so it's somebody helping me the entire way i'm not that smart um but uh it's it's it was just it is a really beautiful thing to think about is pretty much god and pretty much all his characteristics and even saying his personality like i think he has a personality which is obviously a very grand personality but i mean it's still like i think he really does have one yeah oh yeah just think about the richness of like you were saying he designed our personalities there's so many and just think about the human face like even with identical twins we can tell them apart i mean you could fool some people some of the time but you can't fool all the people all the time with identical twins right yeah it's just there's too much there's too much variety there's too much that uh separates us from each other in terms of uh distinctives and it's a beautiful beautiful thing just like music with music you're never going to have the same song twice you could have 100 artists doing cover songs um and it's always going to be different even if you're trying to nail it 100 you're always going to bring something to it that's uh that's unique yeah and i mean i think c.s lewis said it best that i mean it's whenever we basically find whenever we put all our trace trust in god therein we find our personality because i mean anybody can go from any hedonist to another and know that oh yeah they're just doing it basically like they're doing everything basically just to get as much dopamine as they can out of their systems but then you go from one christian to the next and i've yet to meet any what i believe to be a true christian that is like just like um that is that is alike like it's honestly been really amazing i think in that area because it's all the satanic lies that you're basically sold which i'm sure you're probably sold on the same one that i was for a while that it's like oh like we can elevate past morality this whole like god thing is kind of for the pros and i can step above that like i'm sure i know you probably uh you you fell for it just as bad as i did and um and then it's just believing that like oh they're just all basically uniform and can't think for themselves but it's just beautiful to see it unraveling as the absolute opposite and here i'm also saying that when we get all our personality through christ and saying that everyone should just conform to the catholic church and it makes sense that it's just i don't know how better to articulate well you know i did i did fear i genuinely feared like when i knew i was converting uh to god when i was like i discovered who god was i remember the exact moment i discovered that i'm not god that god is god and then i was thinking like okay i've got to worship god publicly it's like he's my life now and you know i did have i did have a legit well not legitimate fear but a a sincere fear that i would lose myself i would lose my personality and like i have that sort of eastern idea like oh you're the drop of water hey welcome to the ocean where you just blend into the ocean or that that soup or that that fog or that mist or whatever you know that sort of vague eastern notion of the one mind and so i did have a fear like i don't want to lose myself you know but nothing could be further from the truth that was just more lies from satan yeah and i've honestly had the same and it's what i've been noticing as a recently and as much as again i hate to say this and this i mean it's sometimes i need to make sure my priorities are checked but it's like i was afraid of whenever i came into the faith of essentially all the joy i'd receive and even still like i i wish i was kidding because like it's like i'm i'm i'm a grunge lord like i do a lot of like grunge and like blues and stuff i'm like am i gonna be able to still make music like it's just as it sounds just so stupid to say but i mean that's that's been the worry in the back of my mind since i've converted of like something i'm just not to be able to sing and that's been also the really beautiful part of um it's just the music in catholicism is incredible like it is especially in my parish like it is just well it i being honest it was it probably had to play of a good fourth of the reason i converted it was just it's just so beautiful and how you'd think it would be the opposite of just like oh the same hymns we played time and time again here they are the gregorian chants that's a good gregorian fan he went up to the sixth not the fifth this time i mean i got something excited for no no it's it's it is just incredible the the level of beauty that really permeates from the faith and really it's just it's it's awesome seeing all these fears that both you and i have basically turned on their head and in realizing the very things that we think we're losing we're actually being are being given to us in a more beautiful and whole form that either you or i can cut or anyone can comprehend like it's it's just whether it's personality or a musical taste or um we got all that and a bag of chips yes we are so cool man and it's just it's so amazing to watch like it's it's it's hard not to basically sit like as if i'm basically on the cliff top of a mountain looking down on the journey thus past and not just be enamored with the beauty that's really followed it and then seeing also the beauty even stronger from coming from places where i mean it's just absolutely hideous to be and it's just it's it's hard to to communicate this to people even at times and that's what i find also i found really off-putting at first so people be like oh yeah tell me about your journey and stuff and it's just it's it's like for especially coming from an lds stance where it's just kind of oh i just read about this joseph smith guy two uh dudes on bicycles came to my house the whole uh being a god sounded pretty sweet so i'm in and they gave me enough free food to where i was like okay i'm warming up to the idea but it's it's really really really at first it was kind of off-putting of but i mean the more i talk to people and the more i think of kind of also how far i've come and in my life it's just it really is beautiful to hear everybody's journey and it's just the the constant theme of beauty in the church is just overwhelming with just how much it's intertwined and it's hard like i think they've there's some meme i saw recently that they've even seen it in animals that bears will basically just be hanging out in a log just taking it all in and it's just the kind of draw that i think all life in its entirety you can even probably see with insects that i think are even moved with beauty at some point that just have this draw to it and it's tying all back to god and it's just it's it's incredible yeah the nature of things god is the author of nature and it's even if it's finite it's wonderful and the complexity there is complexity from our from our perspective as finite creatures now of course from god's perspective he he delights in it maybe for uh in his own way i don't want to say i don't want to say that any delight that we experience because we're finite god is robbed of that because he's infinite no i don't i don't want to say that i don't want to say that i want to say that he delights he delights in me and he delights in me to the extent that i conform to him and try to please him so he's delighting always in himself and what saint augustine what saint augustine said is when he crowns our virtues or our goodness or our glory or whatever it is he's just crowning his own gifts to us you know so i'm hearing i'm hearing noises like my wife is home so i'm gonna have to let you go now but uh will you come back and talk to me again oh i'd love to excellent very nice to meet you and uh thanks please remember me and mine and your prayers you and yours are in mine and i've enrolled you in a perpetual mass so you you and your family are getting the graces of the mass each and every day till the end of time so if you do end up in purgatory that'll help you a lot too well thank you yeah they they need all the help they can get without getting too much into it but i'll let you get going well we'll talk about we've got a lot to talk about next time and uh real pleasure to meet your uh you're a sweet young man with a great sense of humor and send me send me some links by email to uh some of your music i only found one song online well whenever it comes out i'll send you more of it admittedly there's only been one song but i'll send you more of it whenever it comes out because i have another cover that's finishing up and then i'm going to work on my album but check out calamity's kings for anybody watching yeah oh thank you likewise it was awesome to meet you it's really great to meet somebody from the intellectual realm talking about catholicism and be able to just relish in the simple truths as much as i do as well as just have this really like like philosophical strength in it to it i mean it's something that i really find a lot of interest in yeah it's fascinating i mean i i wouldn't say i'm uh any representative of uh intellectual or anything like that like i'm just i work i work in construction i studied physics at university so i guess i've got some brains but um you know uh i'm just i'm more of a lover i guess you would say i'm a lover of goodness truth beauty and all that sort of thing it's all about the love and the truth you know like i said at the very beginning of this the truth does not belong to me i belong to the truth and that's a very delightful position to find yourself in it is very delightful to meet you and we'll talk very soon my brother see you dad take care god bless