am i alive looking for the numbers yes so this is going to be the world's fastest update excuse me i went to feeling much better i went biking around at a couple of uh rendezvous i went to a couple different places talked to different couple of different people i'm not going to go into detail i'm being very careful not to talk about who i saw what we talked about what happened where i went uh i don't want to talk about the details because i'm feeling finally like i have some hope i feel like i have a way forward in the church i feel happy excited and i no longer feel blocked like i'm blocked so i'm very very very very happy and excited i'm not going to tell you who i saw where we met what we talked about or anything i just came home explained it to my wife and she's happy and she advised me don't don't talk about it so that's it i'm not trying to be mysterious i'm just trying to protect myself make sure i have the space to actually move forward feeling sane so that's it world's smallest update glad to be feeling better and uh youtube is telling me about some error with my streaming i don't know if any of this is being even being recorded it doesn't really matter so thought that counts i will talk to you very soon thanks for listening you