CVS Live Guest - 2020-02-23 - Pykris

Author Streamed Sunday February 23rd, 2020

There are 206 episodes in the Guest:Solo series.

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CVS Live Guest - 2023-09-15 - Bug Hall

Streamed February 25th, 2023

CVS Live Guest - 2023-02-25 - Jeff Elsdon

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Streamed February 25th, 2023

CVS Live Guest - 2023-02-25 - Mason Carson

Streamed February 4th, 2023

CVS Live Guest - 2023-02-04 - Adrian K.

Streamed February 3rd, 2023

CVS Live Guest - 2023-02-03 - Andre Rose

Streamed January 3rd, 2023

CVS Live Guest - 2023-01-03 - Adrian K.

Streamed December 30th, 2022

CVS Live Guest - 2022-12-30 - Joust7800

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CVS Live Guest - 2022-12-17 - Will Lawson

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CVS Live Guest - 2022-12-16 - Shawn Ruby

Streamed December 9th, 2022

CVS Live Guest - 2022-12-09 - Ryan Adler

Streamed November 30th, 2022

CVS Live Guest - 2022-11-30 - Will Lawson

Streamed November 18th, 2022

CVS Live Guest - 2022-11-18 - Dirk Lafleur

Streamed November 11th, 2022

CVS Live Guest - 2022-11-11 - Don Johnson

Streamed May 14th, 2022

CVS Live Guest - 2022-05-14 - Joe

Streamed May 1st, 2022

CVS Live Guest - 2022-05-01 - Ben

Streamed April 12th, 2022

CVS Live Guest - 2022-04-12 - Joe

Streamed February 10th, 2022

CVS Live Guest - 2022-02-10 - Aidan Lisney

Streamed January 30th, 2022

CVS Live Guest - 2022-01-30 - TJ

Streamed December 31st, 2021

CVS Live Guest - 2021-12-31 - Zackery

Streamed September 26th, 2021

CVS Live Guest - 2021-09-26 - Nikola Krcic

Streamed September 18th, 2021

CVS Live Guest - 2021-09-18 - Bill Whatcott

Streamed September 17th, 2021

CVS Live Guest - 2021-09-17 - Nathan

Streamed September 3rd, 2021

CVS Live Guest - 2021-09-03 - Chad Ellis

Streamed March 21st, 2021

CVS Live Guest - 2021-03-21 - Ben

Streamed February 28th, 2021

CVS Live Guest - 2021-02-28 - Nikola Krcic

Streamed February 23rd, 2020

CVS Live Guest - 2020-02-23 - Pykris

Streamed February 22nd, 2020

CVS Live Guest - 2020-02-22 - Aidan Lisney

Streamed January 25th, 2020

CVS Live Guest - 2020-01-25 - Kalen R.

Pykris is one of the first friends that I made on my podcast. I wanted to chat with him to find out how he's been doing. He used to identify as a Satanist, but since the loss of his beloved older sister he has started to feel drawn to God.


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we are live I'm here with Pike rest's say hello hello how are you been doing what's what's new since we talked last a whole lot it's just kind of been surviving in in in robot mode okay can you tell the viewers a recap of the last couple of times we spoke we did pre recorded edited interviews just a little really brief overview of who you are in case they didn't see your your interviews and maybe they can go back and watch them after but just give a really quick overview of who you are and what sort of journey you're on these days your pike rest i'm tigress i did a couple of interviews with like two episodes i think yes with david here and this kinda went off about my worldview and how I see the world I guess and where are you geographically just remind the viewers east coast of the United States okay obviously it's sunny there and temperatures not too bad if you're out are you on your porch or what I'm on my porch you nice so what what's your position right now on monotheism in general Christianity in particular can you just sort of talk me through I know you've sort of had some kind of experience with Methodism and your family and different stuff like that and of course we're live so only say stuff you're comfortable saying obviously you don't want to really reveal too much yet just talk a little bit about monotheism in general and Christianity in particular have you been dabbling at all with though this worldviews well I kind of I kind of abandoned the whole oh I move under atheists of a Satanist thing I thought it was kind of dumb anyway mm-hmm yeah well it's fun while it lasted right yeah I've kind of kind of found God in my own way nice so if you don't mind my asking remind me how old are you approximately I'll be 31 and I'll be 31 next week nice happy birthday so what what gets you excited when you wake up in the morning what sort of ideas are you pursuing I know you told me off the record that you do a little bit of live-streaming every Friday and I don't if you want to talk about that but what are the ideas what are the idea is that you'll play with week to week that you're excited about well the livestream that I hang out on is on Sunday nights but it's mostly just like for like internet internet trolls are you a troll well sometimes professional troll so I think we talked about a little bit in your second interview just what it is to be a troll and I guess it's an overlap with Satanism there's some sort of playfulness involved is that true well I actually know quite a few tools that are actually quite religious which is weird but you know it's one of those things that it's more like oh I want to get a rise out of people so I'm just gonna say them a stupid on the planet and see what happens and but in terms of the more serious side like you said that a getting into some sort of relationship with God can you talk about that to the extent that you're comfortable talking about that yeah so after watching a bunch of stuff just kind of gotten to the point where I'm like you know I need to find my way back to God and I don't know how I'm gonna do it but I'm gonna persevere nice and the people around you've got good people around you're a mixed bag good people and dangerous people and it's a mixed bag mm-hmm so it's all about protecting yourself I think you know being a Satanist that there all kinds of people out there and you can't get too far if you don't protect yourself spiritually and emotionally even on a psychological level can you talk a little bit about that aspect yeah I've just been kind of putting up like setting boundaries for myself personal space yeah and I just realized that a lot of the people that I associated with in my actual life or kind of scummy yeah happens to the best of us and I guess forgiveness is a big part of that protect yourself number one and then once you have your personal space and you're not being invaded and abused then you can work on forgiveness right is that part of your plan yeah that's part of my plan mm-hmm easier said than done though right yeah what about the mental health side you did talk very openly during her interviews about having some rough patches where you were hauled off to psych wards and some of the drama with that not very pleasant at all I don't want to bring up dark stuff but to the extent you're comfortable talking about it maybe just share a little bit of these psycho psychological side is there any news on that front for you yeah actually I've been quite stable for a long time so no news no no news is good and I've said so I you're settling into a pretty stable lifestyle what's what's on your mind what did you want to talk about I know you're you've been reaching out to me once in a while just to say hi but I really don't know what's been going on with you I'd like you to to the extent that you can put it in a public forum like this just share a little bit with me I don't know not really a whole lots been going on it's just I've just really been kind of in robot mode robot logged so no furry girlfriends or no but I have a lot of Fred's better furries okay and you explained that to me and to my viewers because I really don't know much about it sounds a bit kinky can you just to the extent again to the extent that you're comfortable talking about in a public forum can you talk a little bit about the furry furry fandom well I don't know we just have a love of like anthropomorphic animals I guess okay there there's a show I think there's a show I've seen ads for it where there's a masked singer there were a cat hat a bear had a dog hat is that what you're talking about no not the Matt's thing I mean there was an episode of CSI a long time ago that portrayed for reason a negative light and I kind of don't like that episode okay misrepresenting your is this a hobby or is this a sexual fetish or what is it well for some people that can be a sexual fetish means just a hobby okay okay and is there a connection with cause planet I don't know anything about cosplay but I see occasionally online I see sexy young women dressing up and saying hey I'm doing cosplay I mean I don't understand what that means but can you explain is there a connection with yeah I guess there's some overlap I'm not really sure it's a there's a bit of theater do you take on a character or what yeah I'd say there's actually quite a bit of theater in it well that's always fun so I'm having trouble drawing you out of your shell today you're in a quiet mood yeah I gotta get you talking so maybe we'll talk about cars what's happening with your car is he excited about any car makes models the history of cars antique cars well the new 2020 Corvettes pretty pretty pretty awesome yes I feel like going down to the Chevy dealer just test driving one just for the house did they have insurance for that I don't know I just want to go to I just want to go down to the Chevy dealer and test-drive a brand new Corvette just say I've driven one and maybe never come back just because they've been GM's been thrown around the idea for the mid-engine Corvette since the since the sixties okay me the engine meaning not too big not too small no mid-engine meaning the engine is in well rear engine mid-engine oh okay it's the position in terms of front middle and back yeah oh wow so that connects to the drivetrain in a more efficient way for all-wheel drive or what No well the new Corvette is mid-engined rear drive oh okay please the motor is kind of set amidships in the chassis okay would you know how to strip down and rebuild an that's so good I could fix them you can fix it yeah I'm just wondering how savvy you are how much you know about the technology is it something you've only thought I only work on Congress made prior to 1990 ok 1990s a arbitrary cutoff point or is there some technology that came in that you didn't matter new cars are all computer-controlled and they're kind of hard to work on because they don't want you to really they don't really want you to work on on your own car anymore it's more about you know consumer and the consumer consume consume you know no car or your car's broken oh get a new one there you go really yeah I've never owned a car I've owned one so-called car but it had only three wheels it's the Robin reliant over in England when I was living in it in England at the time have you seen those yeah they're they're kind of a little bit of a joke but they're they're they're kind of fun too yeah easy to roll over you turn too sharply but they're classed as a motorcycle so if you have a motorcycle license but not an automobile license you can still drive the Robin reliant yeah they're there actually actually you know Robin actually did make a for a four-wheel one okay but they're there they're actually actually have that backwards it's a Reliant Robin the company is reliant you know they made they actually had a kind of a sports car to the reliant scimitar ah interesting that that thing's actually pretty cool but they were kind of I hear very stories about them that they were kind of shoddily built yeah mine was fiberglass body I'm sure it weighed well under one ton I'm not sure though I don't know the the Robin the Robins kind of the kind of one of those things that if you're English or whatever you Psalm everyday how do you say there's a big it's a big club form in England yeah I'm alone reliant it was a big club form over there yeah so have you spent time outside of the USA have you ever gone overseas never been I've been out of the states you're interested in trying it one day yeah yeah I want to go to I at least at least want to wind up in Canada someday yeah just bring a parka and a toque and I mean you mean a beanie well - cuz like the long tall cone-shaped with a little ball on the end yeah I know so how far are you from the Canadian border are you close to su st. Marie Michigan or anything like that now among the East Coast bad like okay just not too far right no the state of New Jersey oh okay okay yeah what I'm about probably I'd say it would take me probably about about 10 hours to get the Canada okay that's a little bit of a drive but a lot of Catholics in New Jersey that's the stereotype Italians Catholics is there any truth to that at all North Jersey that's North Jersey I think your thumb might be on the camera lens Oh their smoke looks really good though in camera it's giving a special effect looks good with the sunlight but so you're not exposed to a lot of Catholicism where you are geographically but there's a Catholic Church near me but about exactly sure where it is and in your pursuit of God to you are you doing any reading like do you enjoy reading books and stuff like that or do you pray or do you actually go to churches like a Methodist Church a Catholic Church or anything like I I have the big church a long time but it's a but I feel like I need to go back yeah yeah have you got a Bible or any religious books at home that you could pick up if you wanted to pick it up and read it or no yeah I have a Bible either like it's a King James Bible nice beautiful beautiful language in the King James Version I have a several versions of the Bible including the King James and even within the King James they've got different versions of it that were put out at different points in time in the history of Protestantism yeah well well a lot of the King James Bible was was translated wrong oh yeah well that's to be expected there's so many errors that creep in to translations and into these just compiling manuscripts it's to be expected I think we shouldn't be too we shouldn't be too upset to find errors in these translations and in these different compilations and that's why as a Catholic I'm very happy to have the Living Magisterium so I don't need to depend on the book per se I don't need to have any anxiety I don't have anxiety about the book like is it the proper translation is it the right set of manuscripts because scholars have a rough time deciding which fragments to include which fragments to exclude and I don't need to worry about any of that because I have a living Magisterium that tells me the bounds within which I can explore the faith and I can explore the interpretation of God's Word because there are many many layers of meaning in the Bible and were free to play with that and to interpret that within bounds like we can't go beyond certain bounds but within those bounds were free to explore so I really enjoy being a Catholic in that way I don't know what the Methodist approach is I'm assuming they're a Protestant form of Christianity therefore they us be heavily Bible based well actually Methodism is a is a spinoff of the Anglican Church okay okay were they Puritans I I don't think so no I don't know much about them I should look into it but you were exposed to a bit of that what does I think I said a previous interview that my dad's a non-practicing Irish Catholic and my mom is a Methodist right right okay okay okay okay so are you in touch with both parents and they both around yeah live both my parents okay so if you wanted to you could at least ask a few questions about those two those two churches yeah what does it look like inside a Methodist Church I've never been inside one is it very ornate with statues and images and candles and incense very plain okay people just sing and there's a preacher up front that maybe leads the worship and the songs and maybe giving along what do they call it a sermon that right yeah a Serban I don't know it's kind of plain you know just very simple yeah yeah not a lot of that to be honest that's kind of about the Catholic Church the pomp and circumstance hmm yeah all the bells and whistles yeah that kind of a turn-off really hmm so you'd like the simplified there was a movement of quietism where people just sat quietly waiting for the Holy Spirit to touch their heart and to move them in prayer and in contemplation of course it was thoroughly condemned by the Catholic Church but it sounds like this sort of thing that would be maybe attractive to you because you like that quiet space and no distractions is that fair to say yeah that's fair yeah you take time for yourself every day to be quiet it seems like where you are right now is pretty quiet yeah a little bit a quiet neighborhood so you mentioned something about being in robot mold can you expand on that I've never heard that expression before I don't know autopilot yeah autopilot yeah smoke your smokes listening music have you been discovering any good music yeah I've been listening to a lot of prog rock lately nice which era in the sixties seventies seventies early eighties like like Rush and yes okay yeah rush good Canadian bank right yeah Britany apart yeah yeah he was I believe he was the brains behind that operation is that right well he was there they're made lyricist but what getting and Alex wrote all the music and Neil wrote all the other lyrics great music and even better than the uruk's I would say I would say the lyrics were better but Neil Pierre also the great songwriter boy but kind of annoying because a lot of it was inspired by Iran and it's kind of annoying so you're totally over the iron Rand objectivism trend you're over it what do you do when you meet someone who's totally head-over-heels enraptured by that what do you say you keep quiet and keep your thoughts to do but saying that I still think the way Neil Perry interpreted it was actually pretty do yeah yeah I wasn't aware of that connection but I'll have to go back and listen well forget what just ever since Neil Pierre died I've been I've been just blasting rush like every day yeah nice but I mean rush there they're all from yeah well Ontario they're all from Ontario for sure if you say Ontario that's pretty much true Anto and a couple other little cities you got Ottawa the nation's capital but I'm from Kingston Ontario to the little town maybe I don't know 200 thousand people something like that but Toronto's thie City the capital of Canada so lotta people there yeah a lot of people yeah and Russia's song YYZ is based on the Pearson Airport oh okay do do do do do do do do do do do do do do yeah that's full that's why by Z is the Morse code code for Pearson Airport oh very cool I wonder if they have a conspiracy theory about Neil Curt's death probably now but it said nanny died of you got a brain cancer is that right okay sad yeah that actually that several people in my family is have have had brain cancer really a grandfather died of it my mom's do you get your head checked once in a while I showed if some might be on the head lens again sorry I'm doing something okay so not a problem so yeah that's pretty heavy when you know you have that hereditary trait in the family it can weigh on you and then the other side of my family my dad's side my grandfather died of Alzheimer's my aunt died of Alzheimer's on my other hands Alzheimer okay yeah so basically it's a it's a cluster of bad yeah yeah well at least you know what sorts of things you might be prone to and you can let your doctor know if you go to your doctor regularly for your checkup you're gonna let them know what to look out for maybe that might help with early diagnosis or anything that might help right without getting paranoid about it obviously yeah I'm a paranoid about it it's just you know it's something to keep in the back of your mind yeah for sure for sure so what else is going on with you it's been probably about a year since we spoke last there must be something spiritually in terms of growth just talk from the heart man and what's what's been on your mind I'm sure you got lots of deep thoughts in that heavy that big head of yours Edda has become a lot more forgiving I this softer gentler pie Chris yeah it's become a lot more forgiving and I don't what what stuff bother me as much nice feels good doesn't it letting go letting go with a resentment the anger and the frustration the pain the misery the confusion feels good it does sadness is not so bad you can you can deal with sadness that's okay but all that turmoil that's that that's the black stuff that's the dark stuff you I'd much rather just have a low-level sadness in the background then have that jarring spikes of hatred anger resentment all that sort of stuff don't you agree well yeah I agree after after my sister died I just that's kind of when the auto pilot started hmm sorry for your loss that's very painful very very sad not easy has it been easy I yeah well it's a broken heart that will it's gonna heal you yeah my art my art is like a empty space in my heart yeah next time does I mean she died like um almost two years ago and I'm still reeling from it did she miss my uh she wasn't just my sister she was my best friend yet you realize the impact that each of us has each one of us you know we're told by the media the mass media that we don't matter but each and every one of us matters deeply and we affect the lives of those around us so we can't listen to the evil messages of stupid movies and stupid propaganda and advertising and the new so-called news each life matters and you have a big you have a big impact on those around you and sometimes we don't realize what a big impact it is until gradually strikes but you got to bear in mind your values the infinite dignity that each person has even if it's a bum on the street you see someone homeless and you don't think you just walk past them but you have to think about the fact that this is someone's son it's someone's brother and they have dignity just like you have dignity and they have value they have Worth and they have an impact on the people around them and even if they're ignored and shoved to the side and thrown onto the wastebasket of life it's it's still a human being and we still have to cherish that nee leads to be a couple of homeless people around here one of the one of them one of the guides was a was a veteran and it made me sad because my dad's a veteran and I'd yep discarded by society but still a rich source of love compassion information life experience history and service to his country most of all can you imagine a man the way they and that's one thing in this in the states that annoys me is that they they expect these guys to go over and fight a war and then when they come back they get no help hmm it's it boggles my mind like how can you do that cold cold cold like my dad's a Vietnam vet and he he's awesome I mean he wasn't in combat but he saw some stuff over there that have turned a person white mass graves and the like Wow yeah so you know I I get that's one of my dad's a little in the head but but I don't you know I'm not I don't blame him or anything it's just you know I can't understand how that would impact somebody and bother them for sure for sure yeah we need to be compassionate and understanding and some things we'll never understand obviously about the other person's experience but if you at least give them space to be who they are and to react and respond the way they have to because because of the trauma right it's there's a lot of trauma that people experience and they don't really have a chance to explain it because it's almost impossible to explain these traumatic emotional impacts of war or of being raped or having an abortion or whatever it is maybe being abused bullied whatever it is it's hard it's hard to put into words sometimes especially if your brain is bouncing around inside your head with all those confusing emotions and the trauma yeah it's hard to grasp sometimes oh how like not caring a lot of people and power are yeah institutionalized everything systemic top-down control and I'm not blaming any individuals that are involved but if you look at if you look at Hitler's system and the you know the people of goodwill under him who are just doing their job and instrumental in something very atrocious and evil these were good people they're good people that are participating as instruments in something that is very systematically evil and it's hard to take responsibility and say I'm gonna be the only one of the thousands of little cogs in this great machine that's going to stand up and say no it's hard it's really hard to do that so we need to need to understand that those who are instrumental and evil often don't know how to stop the Machine and it's just better to feed their family and to mind their own business and to say well look I'm not directly responsible it's not my project I'm just a cog in the wheel here cog in the machine and it's not my fault yeah it's one of the it's one of those things man it's just so essays like you say like everyone's at fault but no one's a fault yes I had I met somebody who couldn't grasp that concept you know everyone's at fault but no it's at fault at the same time yeah yeah they're like what they're like I don't understand that oh my whatever you can't teach that you got a got experience the injustice or at least be impacted by it to see the subtlety of systemic evil it's true you've been in an institution you've seen the machine at work in some small way maybe yeah yeah I have you've never been you've never been in prison though right no that's another big machine yeah yeah very big machine in the United States of America I think there are more people incarcerated than in any other country No maybe yeah maybe China has more China probably has more but you know the Chinese lie about everything so like they lied about the corona virus and the death toll and then and then actual infected numbers they lied to save face a lot of lies a lot of lies I don't know who's lying about what but I'm pretty sure a lot of people are lying about a that's true I've been watching some prison documentaries about the falsely accused once they get in that system is hard to get out yeah it is but you know a lot of these suppose that authorities are all full of anyway yeah well they like money they like power and not to caricature politicians but there is a lot of that in human nature and I'm sure if I had a lot of power and a lot of money I'd be no better I'm pretty sure yeah it's boggles my mind how anybody who wants to be a politician just don't don't it's gonna you're gonna have the best intentions when you first start out and then by the end you'll be a symbol of corporate greed hmm so yes we can oh no you better didn't so not to get too controversial but I don't know where you stand on Donald Trump what's your take if you want to talk about that a year mmm it's just I don't hate the guy but I'm not a big fan either okay I mean some things he does okay there all right like the tax breaks and you know some other stuff but other stuff he does it's like what do you done like what are you doing so that like a crazy like anti-trump ER but you know i have my issues yeah any prediction for what's coming up in November or not well all the Democrat candidates suck so I that's what the betting polls are saying yeah that's what a lot of people are saying that because all the Democrat the current Democratic candidates are all are all terrible the only the only one that was out front the only one that was in the running that could have beaten Trump they didn't put any support behind who was that tulsi gabbard never heard of him /her hurt okay at an inside but you're heading indoors yeah my phone's like needs to be charged okay so what I'm charging okay so we could wrap it up here if your phone's dying and if you don't have anything else to say I got it plugged in it's good for good okay it's a typical first world problem the battery's dying that's like the slogan of life now for most people my battery's dying yeah how to find that charger yeah very symbolic I think of the way we live our short-term it's like those little in a cage with their little pellet feeders I get the little one pellet at a time you know what I mean yeah just keep you occupied keep you busy you got your little pellet a little energy pellet recharge your phone check your phone check your phone recharge your phone where's my modern technology is both the blessing and a curse yeah yeah it's both it's completely both of the blessing and a curse because it's a blessing because I could be anywhere in the world and oh I need to look something up okay but the rest of it is like you know people are gonna be you know texting me sending me messages stuff and you know sometimes I don't want to talk to anybody you find it hard to resist the comeback returning the message or you always respond or do you ever ignore the messages uh sometimes well I noticed with you sometimes you say hello to me and then I say hello and that pretty much ends the conversation is is that often the case with you sometimes the man of few words right old-school yeah yeah it's like sometimes like a a couple days so that text me people back it's not called ghosting yeah I think that's called ghosting is what it is so what about food are you excited about any food it seems like you might have gained a little bit of weight since your sister passed away is that true yeah I think I'm roughly about 300 pounds right now really yeah and is there a connection with the emotion probably say I eat when I'm okay yeah that's very common so any plan to curb the appetite or anything like that I don't know not right now any food discoveries where you discovered you liked a certain recipe or any rest your favorite restaurant around the corner you discovered anything like that worth mentioning well there's a restaurant up the street called the friendlies and I'm not a big fan but it's like they have like one thing on the menu that's actually quite awesome what's that it's called the honey barbecue chicken soup remote and it's like it's like chicken strips cheese barbecue sauce at branch Oh sounds good but it sounds like a lot of calories yeah that's pretty much how I eat every day that's how I eat them surprised I'm not 300 pounds myself yeah but I don't eat there very odd it's very expensive yeah I just I want to let you know I just got a message in the live chat from my friend my dear friend Nicola Chris ik he says pray when you're sad hard to do but amazing effect I think I think he's right I think if you could pray to God reach out to God even if you're not sure about religion just reach out to God when you're sad and Nicola says you're gonna get good results and he's sending his love and blessings to you so a really nice guy Nicola I don't know if you've seen him in the comments on my channel but real that really interacted with your audience okay well there you go see sending you some some love and some good advice pray when you're sad what do you think of that a good idea yeah yeah it's it's a big part of my religion you know sadness and the sorrow the Seven Sorrows of Mary the Seven Sorrows of Jesus and the suffering torture disrespect you know he's innocent and yet he's not given any sort of due reverence or respect I mean he's the creator of everything that it is so in in my religion sadness and disappointment and all these sorts of tragic negative emotions and experiences Center on the person of the Godman Jesus Christ it's very very powerful it's very very poignant touching and mind-boggling it really does give you a lot of perspective on our own little sufferings and I know your sufferings are significant losing your sister and other different tragedies that touch your life directly or indirectly but when you think about God Almighty who is infinitely perfect infinitely good infinitely wise infinitely loving and so generous and so humbled that he came and he not only created us but he took on flesh and he came to redeem us and to suffer and die for our sins it's really really touching and it gives your suffering meaning and perspective and it it can help to bring joy to even the most painful tragedies so I don't know if you've touched that in religion in your relationship with God reaching up to God only if you've seen a glimpse of that but I'm letting you know now it's a big part of Christianity and it's a it's something that you can benefit from if you believe it I mean if you don't believe it you don't believe it but if you come to believe it believe me you're going to have an perspective on sadness suffering tragedy aim death everything all the things that we fear and we loathe even Christ himself said if it's possible let this cup of tragedy and pain and suffering and torture and death pass from me if it's possible God let it pass from me but not my will be done but your will be done so well that's a pile of rest I've always held the belief that out of great tragedy can come great happiness hmm for sure joint yeah like yeah my sister died and I'm sad about it but I also remember all the all the fun stuff I did with my yeah it is your mouth covered oh there yep tabby it's very heavy I hope you have friends good friends you mentioned you have a good friend I hope you have friends that can always either to listen to you you haven't had any sort of suicidal thoughts or anything like that since your sister passed oh no no I have so you need friends and family that you can open up to and always communicate even though it's hard let people know where you're at if you got no one else just reach out to me you know know that you're loved and you're valued and the the impact of the loss of your sister is a taste of how if we were to lose you it would be it would be just another tragedy there's not a winning move not a I don't know man I might see I'm the I'm the baby right yeah the sister is 18 years older than me she was she had just turned 18 I was born like she had turned 18 the previous November when I was born in March so she is like she told me that when she first saw me I was like six months old and like it was like an immediate connection and cuz like she has like she's my half-sister like so the same father different mother but I didn't really consider her my she was my full sister anyway you know but she has she had like I don't know if seven other siblings from her mother but no matter how you look at it I was like literally her baby brother so she was very protective with me yeah no matter no matter what she always she always had my back like she defended me constantly and to everybody and I missed that in my life do you think she went to a better place I mean obviously you see the good in her she she's a creature of God God loves her and hopefully she loved God - and she's in a better place now is there any comfort or solace that you get from the fact that maybe she's watching over you now maybe she's in a better place maybe she can in some unknown and mysterious way look out for you is it is it only comfort oh no I I already percent believe she's watching over and watching over my family okay good especially especially her daughter how old your daughterly many so how old is she when he shall be 25 in September okay 25 yeah she'll be 20 she's 20 face of a she's 25 so and I'm 31 so she's like I'm almost I'm almost 7 years older than her homeland and you're close with her oh yeah nice she uh she's been they had to go back to where they were living the visit and they'll be back within the week okay her and her husband and her and her her baby ah how was the baby I but nine months ah congratulations to there's a new life in the families yeah and I said to my niece I said it's weird your mom dies on you you can't get nice it's kind of like you know it's a little miracle I guess yeah for sure beautiful very touching I mean it's not good and it's not gonna bring back her mom but she's got you know got somebody new to take care of very moving very moving every life is so full of drama you almost wonder why anyone watches TV and movies when there's so much drama right around us no yeah well there's times where our well that and when that happens it's always kind of like a little spooky sometimes I don't know David I'm rambling yeah well we're gonna wrap it up here because I do have to get going but it's nice seeing your face it's been a while and I appreciate you coming on and talking about what's going on with you and just know that you're loved we love you and I'm thinking of you I'm praying for you and I hope that you you'll think of me and pray for me in mine too because like like you said it's a bit of a struggle sometimes so we got to be there for each other right yeah true to your audience I'd say you know just be just be excellent to each other to quote the quote it's a quote bill and said just be actually nice well thanks so much thanks for coming on we'll do this again sometime Oh anytime David anytime god bless you I'll be praying for you I hope you pray for me in your own way and say hello to your loved ones for me if you think it's appropriate and we'll talk soon okay okay take care have a good one good one god bless bye