CVS Live Guest - 2020-02-22 - Aidan Lisney

Author Streamed Saturday February 22nd, 2020

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CVS Live Guest - 2021-02-28 - Nikola Krcic

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CVS Live Guest - 2020-02-22 - Aidan Lisney

Streamed January 25th, 2020

CVS Live Guest - 2020-01-25 - Kalen R.

Aidan Lisney is a regular on my podcast. Today we had a long, loose, and meandering chat about all things Catholic. God is good.


CVS Live Guest - 2020-02-22 - Aidan Lisney

Author Streamed January 11th, 2020

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transcript
These transcripts are generated automatically and are therefore unformatted and replete with errors.
so we are live I'm here with Aidan Aidan Liz Nate how are you doing setup how are you I'm doing well I I just got through doing one interview now I'm happy to be talking to an old friend you've been on a couple times I've still got another one or two of yours in the can that I need to edit at some point but always nice to talk to you and today it's a special pleasure I get to actually see your face for the first time am I not supposed to see yours you can't see me because my broadcasting software dominates my camera and will not share with any other software at least to the best of my understanding so that's climbing with that that's fine I don't need to see you'll see enough for me believe me you'll see enough of me with these if you watch it if you watch your brother Matthew I do i watch Matthew Murdock i watch my brother mm-hmm I just started watching your other video too that you just released gave me the highlights of that one quickly did what it was yeah his brother-in-law his sister's husband is I think a fairly new addition to the family and he's a Catholic so Steven alleged out to me and he said hey I'd like to chat to you about Christianity in general but also about Catholicism in particular because he's new to Catholicism he doesn't know much about it and of course being raised in the Bible Belt Mississippi is in the Bible Belt correct sure yeah I don't know I I don't um I guess it's the mason-dixon line is what they would consider like the cutoff right I don't know you don't know a minute why would you know I'm not alone but anyway so he just grilled me with questions about Mary and the Pope and tradition and this sort of thing and I retorted with my usual where did you get your can and where did you get your Bible and you know many things you believe are based on tradition too bla bla bla bla bla he seemed from what I saw because I got about 20 minutes of it he seemed to actually actively listen to you which was you know really cool to see that because I don't actively listen to people well you put your mirror away that's good I appreciate that for the interview I try but so what sorts of things have been on your mind I always like to sort of dig into the Leslie brothers Minds is it one mind or do you have to separate minds it's funny you say that I would probably be the codependent person that would say we have two minds and he would probably be like yeah he's cool but because I usually call him up when I want advice on something and then it's basically like like having this large room and then I expanded upon the room whenever I call Kieren because he can see things very similarly to how I see them but then you know turn the perspective a little bit and to a different into a different direction that I wouldn't have taken myself naturally but still feels very comfortable for me because it's um there's like that that gap being bridged by by him and us you know sharing a bedroom for 1415 years hmm have you read each other's minds in a way that would impress anyone an objective third party no it just irritates people it's um because it's just like a whole bunch of inside jokes that are obnoxious and and you start exposing your crinkling your oh I'm sorry my cat's toy I don't kiss like plenty of that no it's just all noxious stuff the most that we would ever do is I don't know sit in a restaurant together with a group of people and then everybody around that little nucleus is just mildly irritated that we sat near one another mm-hmm I have two sisters well I have three one of them died at childbirth but my parents adopted a child not really to replace the one who passed away but you know to sort of feel a void and in memory of the one who passed away and and then I have another sister my eldest sister I'm the little baby but I'm very close with my blood sister I'm close with bullit there's a sort of a psychic connection with my blood sister and we spent all three of us spent a lot of time in close proximity growing up and I have read my blood sisters mind at least once and a close friend growing up we've known each other since the age of you know less than one year old and we're very close I have also read his mind on one occasion now that is that controlled or is that just gifted does that just like random where you just all of a sudden you know is that your voice or is it his voice or their voice that you hear in in the case of my sister it was a simultaneous utterance of the exact same phrase word-for-word simultaneously in a very random and unpredictable phrase that came out of both of our mouths in the middle of a conversation which I school which made no connection with anything in any context ever the other one was even more impressive with my best friend growing up when we were teenagers he was at university and I was a dropout and we were hanging out I think we may have lived together I'm not sure but you might have we just did a little psychic game like pick a number you know between 1 and X and I'll try to guess what it is and I don't know why this came up mmm but he picked a number and I just looked at him in his face in his eye one of his eyes got big in my field of vision and within the iris of his eye was the number of 3 and immediately I said 3 he said yeah how did you know and I said it was in your eye so creepy pretty freaky so weird so people do have connections really deep connections especially I think if you are in early childhood you're exposed to this person and maybe you're under some sort of stress there are different stresses that children can undergo because of family situations or financial situations of the parent or whatever we the kids don't know what's going on right but they can already sense the stress and I think this brings out a sort of sensitivity in children so if they're in close proximity I think they can bond in a way that's spiritual and it sounds very flaky but I've experienced it firsthand no it's um there's definitely something there there's definitely so you know I joke that it would be you know it's irritating to other people but I had a dream a couple weeks ago or maybe a month ago and it was Kieran Zak and I and we were in this grocery store but it was like more like a house and we were we were going through these rooms together with a shopping cart and the rooms were made of cinder block and they were grimy but they were completely empty and I had the feeling that I should be scared of these rooms for one reason or another because there was this like leftover almost like evil feeling and but I I didn't I was kind of brazen about it and I woke up from the dream and went him to Mass it was a Sunday and told my dad about it and I realized oh that was um that was like a manifestation of the the interior rooms you know inside of me and the gift that prayer has given me to be able to clean them out of all their junk and obviously they're not by any means I'm completely clear of all that baggage but they're definitely there's there's nothing physically in them anymore and I thought it was also funny that internally I wanted to take Zak and Kieran along with me to see them Zak is your child knows that Zak is my brother well he's my other brother or stepbrother if you will third brother I've kidding about him yeah yeah he's he's a cool dude man I like him yeah he's he's he's the the more gentle of the three and probably more brilliant in a lot of ways then then then Kieran my wife makes fun of me because I had this dream years ago about an unholy trinity it was Dave Dave and Dave there were three of me and I had a whale of a time I had a whale of a time just interacting with the two other twins or triplets and yeah she thinks I'm very narcissistic and self-absorbed and I guess I am but I really enjoyed that dream I mean that's that's what we do though isn't it we make ourselves God so that yeah that makes sense I can say that what you do in the dream or email it can you not discuss it it's more or less just the when you meet a beautiful woman and you're just absorbed by the beauty I'm not saying I'm beautiful but that's sort of the the thing you're just fascinated with this creature like wow what is this person you know and I totally you uh you get very poetic when you talk about your wife I enjoy hearing about that no have you always been able to speak in those terms yeah I mean I'm just a natural romantic I love all people and I love you know obviously romantically interested in women in general I mean I'm attracted by women not to say I don't see the beauty in men like I'm not like one of these macho guys who says oh I can't tell if that guy's good-looking or not I can tell you know I could tell I could tell you I know are good-looking I was gonna say you told me that we are good-looking people and you're not lying with I could end up I could give you a number but I'm not gonna give you a number out of 10 because it would just I'm a hard six let's be real but David you are known for asking the hard-hitting questions so I'm gonna ask you a hard-hitting question sure who's who's better-looking okay all right what was your third brother's name again Zach that's a good way different is axe axe the best-looking where's the three of us yeah I don't have a brother but it would be fun to have that rivalry and that sort of playful roughhousing and all that sort of thing it's not the same with two sisters you know it's just not the same sort of energy but it might also get a little bit tiring might get tiring always sort of keeping up that friendly banter no uh yeah but it also gets physical too you can't get like you can't get too physical with your sisters cuz that just doesn't like fly after a certain certain age you know but Kieran and Zach are by far so they're just like so much stronger than me right and they don't work out at all they're just so like you know I like I'm probably the only one that's intentional with my body but they're just like freak strong and so every time we get together there's always something going on where Kieran has to jump on somebody or Kieran throws something at somebody that he shouldn't like one of them has like the nephew so you know the camaraderie between men is enjoyable and funny until Kieran throws a chunk of ice at an eight year olds head you know so you know you enjoy your sister's because it's probably a much more peaceful Christmas yeah there's a guy there's a guy at work that's always playing with my bun and on my hair and he's always there's another guy at work these are all Italians another guy love us whacking me in the stomach occasionally I don't walk me in the and I don't enjoy being touched by anyone you know anyone ever don't touch I know but they don't say anything I just I just let them do it and I just offered up for the conversion of sinners and the relief of the holy souls in purgatory that's uh that's really big for you man because I don't know if I could if I could take that I just I work with all women I work well there's two there's two dudes that I work with but one's a physician's assistant and the other is a surgeon I know I'm lying there's another surgeon there too so like it's not as low caliber nobody's punching each other in the sack it doesn't it just can't happen in that environment so but you you work with computers right well I'm in an office working on a computer but it's a construction office so it's all Italians and immigrants that are out on the field and then they come in and they clump me on the back or whack me in the good or like with my hair I find a little bit something strange yeah mm-hmm yeah dude so our Italian Kenneth our Italian Catholics are Italian Canadians like Italian Americans are they clarity's I would imagine they're all the same all Italians are yeah good stuff right there man ye mediterraneans you know Mediterraneans whether you're an Arab or Italian Greek they're they're warm-blooded people they're very how should I say a few suit like they express their emotions they touch you and they will get angry and that's why I love them because in my culture in Ontario Canada no one expresses themselves and it just turns into cancer and hatred and self-hatred and hatred of their friends and family and it's not it and nothing gets expressed so I much prefer the Mediterranean temperament where people can get angry and they can express themselves yeah I mean there's tons of stories about Padre Pio yelling at people like small children like he's like a famous saying there's a two-year-old that interrupted him during prayer and he like rebuked him severely and it's like dude it's a it's a small child that's horrible but I guess it's just you know the culture did you enjoy Mother Angelica she's Italian she was Italian or at least partly Italian um I don't think I watched too much she had the EWTN shows right yeah she founded that whole empire that whole network oh I didn't know she founded it um no you know I don't have too many connections to to her I'm really biased against holy women because why there's something like like like especially the Saints so like I don't know I'm trying not to be mean about it but I'm just like I don't know every time Todd if somebody talks about st. Theresa bliss ooh I get so bored I'm like okay like I get it she was she was really cool so I intentionally make myself like evoke her or ask for her assistance with certain stuff because just because I'm naturally deterred by it for some reason or another I don't know sister not sister but that was my piano teacher sister Joan of Arc oh go for Saint Joan of Arc is she real was she ever yeah okay okay learn about her and learn about some of the more manly women who are Saints because that might help you I okay and and who are the more manly ones then well I mean mother Angelica's pretty manly I think I think she's a saint to be a lot of a lot of the women were tough like I mean if I think about Old Testament women they all seem very you know handsome manly women to me that's the way I think of Old Testament women and that's what we look for in a woman is a handsome manly woman that's what I like that's my case to each his own ya know it's um you know the damsel in distress is boring yeah yes so I mean st. Teresa of ávila is somebody that I look up to and I think is really cool but again there's just something I think it's also in the artistic depictions of saints that things get really boring too lost in translation so especially in in depictions of Mother Mary I don't like them because they're so bland and milky and so you listen to anybody's description of her and they're like she was the most beautiful woman that I've ever seen and I have no mental schema for that whatsoever and then you go to an artist depiction of it and they're just they're so they're all so similar and so bland and it's you know it just doesn't do it any justice and the more you see it's just so oversaturated by these certain images and so I think that that treatment is kind of applied to a lot of the the female saints out there especially if you wear a habit and if you don't have any facial hair there's not too many distinguishing facial features that could make you stand out as a woman and so you know I seen I see them and I you know they all just look the same to me except for Saint Mary of Egypt she was but I mean again she was depicted as wrinkled and naked and she did not get a flattering portrayal by any means so someone in the live chat I'll leave it to your imagination to imagine who just said Aidan you're lame yeah that's good clever Karen and then it gave you a hurt so or maybe he was responding his heart to my heart but st. Catherine of Siena she was very tough and assertive and not some sort of shrinking violet she's another one but I agree with you about the porch the portraits or the portrayals of Our Lady often I'm cringing looking at these sculptures or paintings and I know they're not doing her justice and I've seen a couple that are very beautiful paintings in particular the sculptures I've seen a few that are very beautiful yes it's true but the same could be said of Jesus I'm not often impressed by the trails of Jesus in fine art yeah but there are some that are magnificent and you know we I think it stands to reason that we are not given too much of a foretaste of the beauty of Christ and His Saints here below right yeah I mean it makes sense it allows people to meet God where they're at because they can connect things with their childhood and with what they're familiar with so maybe they're familiar with something that I'm not familiar with it's kind of funny and I don't know if Karen deals with this ever I guess in the hesychast tradition you don't use your imagination for for most medit 'iv or prayer practices but when you know I pray the rosary I try to picture Jesus as best as I possibly can but when I was a kid my dad had long hair and he had a big beard and so I have this constant transfer of my dad's face onto Jesus and it's it's like it's it's such an annoying distraction because it's just like that's not Jesus everybody jokingly calls him Jesus but it's one of those things that I love the Shroud of turn images I love the artists renderings that like that drew over them I guess like the you know the still image rotoscope I think those are the coolest some of the coolest depictions of Jesus mmm just because they're like very rugged very manly but you know my dad looked really similar to that back in the day and so it's you know my mind constantly wants to project my father onto Jesus what is the mission Mara because parents asking where's mish Mara I think he's asking about my cat Marcia oh but my cat my cats usually downstairs with me but I don't know I don't know with it what so where do we segue from female saints that mildly annoy you not in their person not in their person but in their portrayal and in their pop culture sort of the way they're misrepresented possibly by some who gush maybe over the wrong parts and the wrong putting emphasis where it's not meant to be placed with respect to st. Therese disease you know for example may be missing some of the harder hitting teachings of that saint and maybe sugarcoating good much the same way that st. Francis of Assisi is misrepresented and saccharine portrayal all of the all the rough edges have been smoothed off over time right right basically Saints are just these walking calluses which is to me just it's so cool they're said they're just really tough human beings and so I don't know the transition sorry this is low caliber content it's like this st. irritates me it's a good job Aidan you're really high quality high quality programming right here no it's good to be honest I know and you know what it's always good because you know you sit there and sometimes you think these things and then other people share these thoughts too and you don't get to talk about it and especially when it comes to something that's you know in the realms of religion it's like am I allowed to say that I don't like this aspect of this or this bothers me or I can stomach this piece and yeah I mean the answer is yes totally because I love st. Theresa simplices approach to this as the soul as being a child and so whenever I approach our Lord I approach as a two or three year old and and I stole that I think that's just the coolest way to approach God as if you know I am little I am nothing and he's Papa he's dad and he's gonna take care of everything and all I have to do is just run to him and and all else will be provided for yeah so another strong woman is st. Faustina divine mercy yeah that's another one that's like painted a difficult color for me because I do like the Divine Mercy chaplet and I've picked up that book a couple times and I'm gonna read like a couple hundred pages of it and her you know her language is like whatever the scenes talk there is this real disconnect and Padre Pio has it too in his letters to his spiritual directors there it's just so far above me that it loses me at a certain point and I feel lost and it's this this very romantic discussion about God that I just I'm not at yet and perhaps I'm envious of so I have a limited attention span towards it yeah I can sympathize I I have difficulty with Saint John of the Cross and frankly with Saint Teresa of ávila I have a little bit of a hard time with her just digesting because a little bit too highbrow for me and I've said before in my podcast st. John Paul the second I have a hard time reading his stuff just cuz I find it a little bit too academic into a contemporary it just doesn't transport me the way some of the older Saints their writings just seem a little bit more romantic and crystallized in a timeless language that resonates with me whereas if I'm reading something that sounds like an academic paper it just turns me off right away that's funny that you say that because you read everything don't you well I mean I try I read a lot I try to read different stuff but I don't enjoy everything equally and this is one of the interesting things about the Saints is that we have misconceptions about the Saints and so like I'm fanatically obsessed with st. Augustine and st. Francis DeSales and Saint John Vianney a couple of they're both such cool dudes man Saint John Vianney I just read actually it's in my bathroom night right now it's the best way to read a book but my dad gave me the cure a DRS or whatever it is like his sayings and you're not supposed to read the book straight through you're supposed to meditate on it and I'm like this dude was brilliant he was so cool and so st. Francis DeSales they're just some some brilliant guys so I have I have some real work to do I have to pick up some of their actual pieces of literature and spend time with it because st. Francis DeSales did the introduction of the devout life right yeah and that's like the that's like a major piece of spiritual literature for laypeople I feel like I should have I should have jumped into that a long time ago yeah there's no rush I mean you'll get to it in this lifetime or if not you'll get to it hopefully in heaven right but I wanted to say something about the misconception of the Saints like the obsessive fan boy mentality that I have with some of the Saints I know that I'm probably mischaracterizing them in my mind like like you said you felt I had short curly red hair before you actually saw a picture of me yeah not that that's like relevant to anything but you do you do form impressions of people and they're usually wrong in significant ways and I just watched I had Netflix for one month and I watched a show called love is blind I've heard part of it and they don't get to see each other they just quote/unquote fall in love the text messages and stuff or no not technically they can hear each other's voices they talk okay well a glass wall and you know I'm sure the picturing each other in their minds and then they meet it's nothing like what they pictured but you can still have that love so I'm hoping that's the way it is with the Saints that even though I I misjudged them I mischaracterized them in many many many ways some of those ways being important ways there's still that true know that kernel of truth that I really and inspired by their love for God and their self-sacrifice so what do you think about that I I agree I don't see there being any real any real issue there just that that honest desire to understand who somebody is all the other stuff will just correct itself but hearing about the last time we spoke or maybe I'm just putting myself on whoever you were speaking to but you were talking about how wrong we often are and I found real freedom in that you're like I we're literally wrong about like 99% of the things that we do in our life and and I'm like oh yeah and that's why silence is so important like shutting my mouth and listening to other human beings for you know a little bit because it gives me a chance to at least not you know reveal how wrong I am about everything and so you know with the Saints who are already experiencing the beatific vision I'm sure that that you know they'll gift us some kernel of the truth and by the time that we get to meet them all the other stuff will be you know rectified fixed and you know won't really make a difference there's that famous expression to know me is to love me I wouldn't apply that to myself well yeah I would apply that to myself too if you the more you know me that more you love me I think it's true of every every one of God's creatures but it doesn't mean you want to follow their example right like Satan is ontologically good and we we love Him because God loves him but we don't want to follow his example as bad example obviously we might want to imitate his pre-fall beauty and you know his intellect and all those sorts of things but to know me is to love me this idea applies to the Saints because they are examples that we should strive to imitate and of course Christ being the saint of saints we are supposed to strive to imitate Christ and to know Christ is to love him and so we strive to get to know him through the scriptures through tradition through the church and as st. Teresa of Calcutta would say through the poor and the suffering and the marginalized right yeah I mean so one of the promises of the rosary is a perfect knowledge of Jesus Christ and so like does that mean experiential knowledge or does that mean like knowledge knowledge you know just you can read it from a book or does that mean like like st. Therese like I guess experiential we fall into st. Theresa's realm of seeing through the poor what do you think about that well what comes to mind is knowledge in the biblical sense right that marital intimacy right the consummation of our love he is our spouse and I've never quite understood as a man as a man in the church a Catholic man I know the priest is a Vicar of Christ and then the church is the Bride of Christ and if you're a female and you take vows religious vows you become the Bride of Christ but as a lay male Catholic mi also dispose of Christ or am I the Vicar of Christ I prefer to be the spouse of Christ even though it sounds you know like some sort of same-sex attraction right but I prefer that role I want to be loved by him I want to give myself to him passively I don't want to be the Vicar of Christ I don't feel up to the challenge but maybe that's just my passive you know psychological impediment what do you say I would say that it's a passive love that's that would embody being a spouse so I would use the word bride - yeah I mean the Bible constantly refers to God as him and so obviously God acts and then we receive or we can react I guess if we're just you know bad at being a human which I am so I react all the time but obviously God is an overarching masculine presence and so whether or not we're male or female when it comes to a relationship with God we have a feminine receptivity towards him and so I would say that's espousal and them in a bridal sense I'm cool with that yeah I've always made this is a public confession I'm not shy to admit it but I've always shunned responsibility and there's a certain manliness about taking responsibility being a leader being the head of the family these sorts of things I've always shied away from that and that's part of the reason probably I don't have children and my wife didn't want any but I didn't insist and I mean can't force that sort of thing anyway but you know there's always been a negative responsibility and a fear I guess of taking responsibility if I have two paths ahead of me one of which is passive and I can avoid responsibility the other one is a struggle and I have to take on responsibilities I'll always go with the passive one that evades responsibilities so just more of a psychological confession here but I wanted to bounce it off you and sort of get your thoughts on that well Kieran said it in the interview that he had with him a couple days ago that we the the Lizzie men are all kind of like in that camp of I guess he didn't actually state it was masculine or feminine but I would say that we have a kind of more feminine way about us and so where we can be passionate and angry but we're also very sensitive human beings and and so you know as a result I I'm probably more like you you know where I would rather not have conflict and I'd rather not like have to step up and do things and there are certain times when I do have to do that and I fail miserably and then there are other times when I just avoid it and fail even harder so life is hard my life sucks at times as soon as you said that you took viewer in that camp I was just thinking you should just buy a gun battle me that'll turn you into a man yeah yeah well I mean I take consolation in the fact that God loves me as I am and it's you know baby steps all the way for me in terms of shouldering of just a little bit more responsibility as time goes on but yeah I certainly don't beat myself up about it but we each have our strengths and weaknesses I guess yeah yeah it's true I mean you it's so cheesy but you know just make the next right choice basically and that's all you can really do I get bummed out my wife is in charge of the banking and I don't know why I've like arbitrarily assigned that is like a masculine trait like it's gotta like you better you better know your finances but my wife's the one that's like you know we don't have money to do that right and I'm like oh okay I gotcha and it's like a maybe you should be more like participatory in this because that's a big deal and then I'm like yeah or I could just avoid the problem and hope that it goes away you know so my testosterone was like soaring through the roof here I feel so manly now talking to you you should you should my friend good I might have facial hair and then wear plaid but I'm terrified child how old are you again 29 okay yeah yeah I'm 49 so I got 20 years of more I should really be a lot further along the path to manhood than I am I consider myself to have become a a man I left adolescence I'm aged 39 so you're well ahead of me we'll see yeah I run from a lot of things we can we dude I get free I get afraid to answer my voicemail I'm like I hear my phone rang and I'm like somebody's dead better ignore my phone it's like Aidan that's a terrible instinct stop and stop that that's like it's fine it's probably just a bill collector so you you told me that you're of English descent do you have any Irish and Scottish in there or no yeah we're super Irish - actually um so my grandmother's dad was from Ireland and so when he married her mom it was scandalous because it was an Irish English English marriage so that was a you know I was a big deal back in the day but he died actually when he was 29 years old so but we have you know a pretty extensive Irish heritage because of her family the reason I'm asking you it well I mean it's nice to know anyway but one of my characteristics is that I'm very very passive and peaceful and avoid confrontation avoid responsibility and everything like that until I'm in confrontation mode and I love fighting I love arguing I love I love rising up and having that sort of indomitable indomina to both spirit however you pronounce that we're the Scottish and Irish pride comes out and I'm able to stand my ground on principle and it's always based on principle when it comes to non principle based confrontations I could care less right I'll just cave cave cave cave cave cave and then when there's a principal on the line then that fiery side comes out and I've been in circumstances where people thought they knew me and I thought I was a doormat and a pushover until a principal was on the line and then suddenly they saw a lot of fire he's that the case with you uh because he have a similar heritage to me it doesn't work in the same manner so like you and I have different things that would probably trigger us yours would be a principal and mine would be like somebody says something personal loyalty so like yeah so like they're like I have like a like I have a tipping point with certain with certain things and being once really overweight I have this natural capacity to look at people and like find a weakness and then just go for the weakness as hard as possible and so because of that you know like look their gait their dad abused them when they were a child like that I have to constantly like reject that that that instinct so it has to be really it has to be massively offensive for me to respond to something now or somebody has to draw a conclusion conclusion illogically and it has to be dangerous so like if somebody like gets from point A to point Z and they do it in a way that that I feel good later on down the road lead to something dangerous then I'm gonna I'm gonna speak up and say something because it's just so irritating it's I don't know why I'm not an overly analytical complex person but like when I see things that don't add up and people are just more than okay with that it really bugs me are you able to give one example a colorful example that won't get you into trouble nope sounds sounds I see no you know no because I'm still like battling things so like when you work in an office there are certain things that are off limits like any kind of confrontation is off limits but right now I'm dealing with so that we have some co-workers that like to use the Lord's name in vain and they're just they're so aggressive and it's so it's such a pervasive issue and that's one of those issues where you don't I don't want to like make I don't want to make somebody feel stupid for using a blasphemy because it just doesn't mean the same thing to them and not only that but I don't I don't think that's what Jesus would do he wouldn't have made somebody feel dumb for doing something perhaps if they were a fair ascetical different story but like I don't want any like get off on making somebody feel bad about themselves but it often makes me wonder why you know our Lord's name is used in vain but no other God has ever taken in vain then we live in such a politically correct nation so like but but you you can hear Jesus all the time in the workplace and nobody would say anything nobody would think twice about it but you don't you would never hear Mohammed you never hear Buddha you would never hear Krishna and you you would just not hear it so I want to know why we're so targeted to me in my mind it there is no there's no good reasoning for that that's still allowed at such a pervade in such a pervasive manager occur yeah it happens at my work too I'm not gonna name any names obviously but I I tend not to get riled up about that I like hearing the name of Jesus in any context as long as the name Jesus is preached whether rightly or wrongly truly or falsely but I pray for the you know I pray for the conversion of those who don't understand who and what Jesus is and obviously it does wound me but it winds me not so much because this person is ignorant but because I am ignorant and I was so ignorant during most of my life and that I have blessed him so much it's sort of like a reminder a mirror mirror back to me of my own blasphemies that are so numerous in the past and even today I don't think I'm revering the name of the Lord as I should or revering the Sabbath as I should or doing anything as I should you know so it's sort of a reminder the the shortcomings of others are a mirror back to me I'm sure you do the same thing I try I try to be as gracious as I possibly can because I've been incredibly blasphemous in the past but my anger doesn't even necessarily rise from the fact that they're using the Lord's name in vain I mean there is there's anger about that but it's just the fact that it's an exclusive thing and so we live in a culture that tells you that certain things are just outright Aust limits and there's no there's no budging on it and certain things that are I don't agree with and so I often wonder I I know the reasons why I just think it's incredibly I just think it's incredibly hypocritical that like everybody's okay you know with one majorly offend of thing that just keeps occurring but then everything else is like whoa whoa we're a little more open-minded here about that pal you can get out you know so yeah it's well I mean it's the same thing with the black mass with a Satanist why why is it a Catholic Mass that they're mocking it's because it's a Catholic Church that's the one true church and Satan knows it I'm wondering if you're culturally familiar with Quebec culture and in particular the last blasphemous cursing and swearing of the Quebec culture do you know some of the curse words in French Quebec French I do not know okay I'll give you the English translation some of the worst swear words in Quebec are tabernacle the whole really the host of course Jesus Christ and the chalice whoa so if you were to come to Quebec and you were you were to say in French the chalice of the host of the tabernacle mm-hmm you turn a lot of heads because that is like the worst most aggressive swearing that you could possibly do but people do you know throw these words around as you and I would like if we stub our toe and we say in the word for excrement they would stub their toe and say the word for the host or the chalice or the tabernacle so do you not have French masses and Quebec then yeah yeah but there was a revolution in Quebec called the quiet revolution where what was viewed as politically corrupt and domineering and rigid conservative Catholic Church was sticking its nose into everyone's business particularly in the bedroom if you know what I mean trend they collectively said screw you to the church and so the churches emptied oh now they're condominiums their gyms if you want to get a really expensive gym membership go to the gym that used to Catholic Church beautiful stained-glass the whole thing but you know there are still a faithful Catholics who do go to Mass every every week or even during the week but the numbers are down to about I would estimate five or ten percent of what the numbers used to be wow that's crazy and how long ago - the that occur it was in you know started in the 50s and late 50s early 60s I had no ideas so is there like a general air of anti-catholicism in Canada yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's strong it's a very Canada is a very liberal place first of all so when you have when you have liberal politics that pushes for abortion and for sexual liberty and same-sex marriage and legal marijuana and everything that we've that we have up here this all flies in the faith of traditional Western morals right it sounds like America sounds like all the stuff that we have going on I think you're probably a little bit more balanced in terms of having a strong opposition to the left down there we're pretty much dominated by the left up here though the right not that I'm a fan of the right but the right is considered a joke up here a real joke oh yeah I mean I guess it is more balanced here but like if you were to have a dinner conversation and you were to hear the word Trump passed around it's um it's always going to be in some kind of mocking manner it's never it's never like it's not popular to be conservative here so most people look at me and Rachel and they think there were liberal people because we are you know crusty hippies and and but we're a very very conservative people and we both love Donald Trump what up I'll say that I'll say that a lot I don't I don't love him I just vote for him because I just can't in good conscience vote for anybody else but if we were to talk about that if we were to go to work and say I voted for Donald Trump we would almost we would alienate ourselves from everybody there most likely have you got the Hat though I want to see the Red Hat Larry David the Hat oh did he they would think I was doing it ironically look at me like like like there was I would be able to get away with that but no I have not gotten a hat oh I know yeah the reason I love and like Donald Trump is because God made him and Christ died for him but also because he has done more for the pro-life movement than any other president I think and mute my Uncle Mike my excuse me my uncle mark just sent us something regarding that he says that's the sole reason why I would vote for him because of the pro-life pro-life movement and I think that's that's excellent I think that's really good stuff yeah and I've had a lot of prophetic dreams about Trump where did you really yeah where he is very misunderstood which i think is true he is cocooning in bed in all my dreams he's always cocooning in lots of big blankets and he's at a party it's an all-night party everyone's having fun there's chaos there's confusion it's a good party it's a fun party but he's just saving his energy he's cocooning he's protecting himself he knows he's not understood he knows he has a lot of work to do in the morning and he's like a hero for me a very touching touching hero for me in all these prophetic dreams do I put a lot of stock in these dreams no i don't but i think they reveal at the very least that I root for the underdog I root for even a narcissistic egomaniac deluded sexual pervert underdog I will root for the underdog and I think God can use him and I think God is using him he just gobsmacked him that was I would say the same of myself though I would say the same of myself yes yeah I would make a much worse President of the United States than Donald Trump much worse I would say I think heroes those who oppose Donald Trump don't realize that they too would make a much much much much much much worse President of the United States than Donald Trump they don't realize it but I think it's true yeah I mean it goes back to what you were saying about being wrong 99% of the time and it's like oh yeah being in school and getting things wrong all the time oh my goodness it happens it happens so much and the mistakes kill people and so like like going back to that like we are wrong so often we are wrong so often it's like it's good to keep that in mind because um you know and you know exams and simulations I'm responsible for other human beings and when I get something wrong I immediately think oh great what if I did that for real and that's a terrifying concept to me sounds like you're being humbled a lot which is always a good thing school sucks it's Maria it's a really tough it's very humbling this semester is the worst semester of the for for this program and a lot of people failed it already and I you know I was studying before I called in and it's all it's a lot of content that we cover and a lot of very specific information and confusing questions on our exams that don't necessarily test knowledge of content always and it's uh it's a lot it's a lot of stuff when does that all come to an end May 4th or 5th is my final exam for this month yeah or for this this semester that is okay and then how many more semesters I'll be technically I'll be I'll be a nurse once I once I finish in May and then I'll go back and I'll get another degree all getting more advanced degree in nursing but I don't know where I'm going to take that yet we'll see we'll see what I want to do where I end up Matthew Murdock says hi he's in the live chat you want to say hello give a yes yeah hey Matt Murdock answer more of text messages I died text him real real garbage stuff I sent him a meme of Jake Johnson getting his beard rubbed the other day and nothin no response nothing at all he's still processing that one yeah that's exactly what happened he has well how many children 2 3 3 3 yeah he's got him he's got no time for that that's uh that's a quick look and like up and then for the phone away because so a lot a lot of stuff going on I feel like the Matt Murdock David CBS dynamic is a big part of your show now yeah because it'sit's like one of those like episode arcs where there's there's a lot of drama that goes on um you got any any updates any new feelings any any anything else that's that's transpired well since the last conversation Matthew says I didn't know how to respond well the thing with Matthew is he likes to keep it real and we liked I would agree we like to push off each other a little bit I'm I'm quite heard on non-catholic Christians about authority and he's tasted that from me a couple times it's always out of love but I push back pretty hard because I just want to know if you think you have authority outside of the Catholic Church I don't have a problem with that just show me where that church is just show me where the church is fine yeah a false Church just show me where the church is and I'll be uh I'll be happy with that but if you don't have a church why would you try to drag me and not that not saying that anyone's trying to drag me under the Catholic Church but I'm convinced I belong to the church that Christ built so I don't have any problem with someone else coming along and saying well look your church is a false Church here's the true Church come and join us I have no problem with that I'm open to that but I've never ever ever encountered any non Catholic Christian who said yes I can show you where the church is and it's the true church and your church is a false church all they say is well I don't know where the church is but it's not the Catholic Church so and you don't hurt us with that you don't think that's a that's a like a logical line of thinking then like I don't know where the truth is but this doesn't seem right to me like that's like because that it is a gut it's a gut feeling and you know I I get it I get where you're coming from obviously we're sitting in the same boat but like I you know currently I'm in a place where if I have a question about doctrine I just I don't worry about it anymore and I just kind of sit back and I'm like you know what I just need to focus on my prayer life and if I get a good answer for this I'll get a good answer for this and if I don't then God will be good to me in the future and he's gonna let me know that there's an error here and I won't sit in this you know for to give an example of that sounds interesting so like let's I know we're gonna talk about this and I hate talking indulgences but because it's so like it's so boring it's the same reason why I hate Calvinism it's just like a whole bunch of dudes wearing suits where they're just like you know quantifying things about God and it's just like it just takes everything beautiful and mystical about God out of the equation but that being said indulgences and the quantification of grace that's one of those things where I I see it I think I I don't really understand why we would need to assign like some kind of value to a prayer other than this has you know all prayer has value in God's eyes to like you know somehow pare down at judgment that we have accrued against us not that judgment obviously it's a punishment punishment due to sin and because there's no way I like I so for me for that for it to be beneficial I should probably know how much of that I have against me for me to be able to start buying it back with certain things and so that's one of those things where it's like yeah but if this is supposed to help us shouldn't we also have the baseline where we know where we're at like God says okay by the you're here and it takes this many you know acts of reparation to to be back at like a place where you know you're satisfied it's you know that that you know that well I mean I think with the fall and you know original sin we are reaping the punishments for our disobedience in out of in our first parents and part of that is the obscurity of faith the obscurity of faith the faith is good the obscurity is evil right right um we're bearing the evil fruit of our first parents rebellion against God and part of that is we don't know where we're at I don't know where I'm at I don't know I have no clue how close I am to having dealt with all of the temporal punishment due to my past scenes which have been forgiven in the sacrament of reconciliation but right those temporal punishments have I still got mountains and mountains and mountains of indulgences that I need to clear that out and then I can start applying it to my family friends enemies and quaintness and those holy souls in purgatory or am I already you know clear use a phrase from Scientology I'm clear and all the indulgences are going to family friends enemies and acquaintances and the holy souls of purgatory I mean I don't know I have no clue I would guess that I have mountains of temporal punishment due to me still right know that and that's it that's a good way to approach it it doesn't bother me enough to the point where like I I I don't dwell on it and I can't dwell on it because if I do then I get into I get into this non-productive area where I'm just like sitting in this cyclical realm of thought that doesn't it doesn't do me any good spiritually and and so that's probably the best approach is well I don't know if it's helping me or if it's helping those around me but it's gonna help it's gonna help somebody yeah I like to think of it always of relationship as you know well by now and so to use the analogy of your love life here with your wife or me with my wife if you were fighting and you're irritated by her some of our habits annoying habits or vice versa and someone counseled you and said we'll look you know there's this thing called patience there's this virtue called doesn't fault me for like not reading the book of indulgences you know but but I was talking to my pretty stickable weeks ago and he was telling me in the parking lot after Mass that certain legalistic elements of our doctrine have saved the church and preserved the church in certain moments he's like yeah but like I know that certain things seem arbitrary but they have helped us throughout the years and they've preserved the church and kept it where it's at and he's like and sometimes you need those black-and-white this this is like this and and this is like that and that actually that was the first time that anybody had ever said that to me where it's like yeah this is put in place as a protective mechanism for everything else and so with and and applying that to indulgences um obviously Jesus died for everybody but that means that there was obviously a debt that had accrued so even though there was that ultimate act of love if there was still an aspect of it that was payment and you can't just ignore that that that that retribution you know you can just say it's all love because it's both it's both of those things and so when you look at it like that that makes more sense to me but then for me to like have to participate in it it's like you you win five hundred and sixty five days and it's like they don't use days anymore I know I'm stopped that's old school but you know there's a reality TV show called The Biggest Loser have you ever seen it I have it's so unethical don't watch that show okay hey I will continue to watch unethical reality TV because I like it the basic idea is gamifying everything everything is gamified okay and even for your app on your phone you can get everything gamified your health your diet your exercise regimen your spiritual life and you get little rewards and points and like all these achievements and you can do that and it's just baby steps right and right the person that likes that structure and those little rewards and the little rewards and they add up and they add up and it just keeps them going it's like Facebook like why do people like getting these internet points like oh I got how many likes did you get oh I got this many likes Wow you know people write gamifying life and there's you know it's possible to abuse this gamification obviously in every domain but there's also that idea that some people might be at a stage where they need to get little feedbacks like that they would encourage them and keep them from backsliding and then once they're a little bit more mature and a little bit stronger and a little bit more convinced to do a good thing for goodness sake rather than for these fake internet points or whatever it is right then they can stay on their own two feet eventually and start walking and then running and eventually fly to the heights of heaven right well and you know the cool thing about the Catholic faith is that it gives you this so much working room in everything and so there's like there's a lot of yes and which is funny - amazing yes and it there's there's so much stuff there so I love the Orthodox faith when they talk about the church as a hospital for the soul I think that's just such a beautiful way to speak about to speak about the church and I wish we as Catholics would do that and we could and of course we go there and we pay our debts in one sense we we get to participate in the mass but if I've experienced anything in the last couple of years from my faith it is this slow but constant healing this this peace that I that I can't explain that exists outside of all of these other things and you know if we if we spoke about it more often to those terms I think other people would start you know well maybe maybe they would they would start looking towards and saying oh look that that seems to have made him happy that seems to have brought him some kind of peace I wonder I wonder what that's all about yeah for sure for sure I mean this is the goal is to be an inspiration to others around us by being a living example of peace and joy right and Christ another aspect of this that I want to touch on is superstition sort of as a parallel thought experiment when I'm at church there's one church I like to go to and it's mainly East Asians Hindus Sikhs lining up to kiss the feet of this lifeless life-sized statue of Jesus Christ crucified not by the altar and many of these people may not be Catholic god only knows but there is part of me that says okay I can't be superstitious so I need to be be aware and it seems like a mix bag of people that are lining up to kiss this statue and god only knows what weird demonic rights they're invoking when they kiss this statue but then I catch myself and I say look so superstition is forbidden by the church okay check so that that makes me feel better I'm not responsible for the superstition of any other human okay check that's another weight off mine off my mind and I myself am not inclined to be superstitious with this statue I know it's just a representation of my Lord and Savior and it's just a block of material made to remind me of Jesus Christ so check you know all the weight is lifted off me I don't need to worry about anyone elses superstition and I am forbidden to be superstitious and I'm not inclined to be superstitious with this statue when I kiss the feet of this statue so now I know I'm free to just enjoy the proximity that I feel because of this physical act of going up getting in line with all these people and kissing the feet of Jesus and it's very liberating and it's not tinged with any sort of scrupulous attea or any sort of paranoia that I might be doing something superstitious even though if a non-catholic Christian were in the room I'm sure that they would accuse me of superstition so I think it's the same thing with indulgences we need to have that freedom of mind that Mother Church gives us it's forbidden to be superstitious it's forbidden to abuse indulgences so just use them for what they are meant to to to be and liberate yourself and know that religion is very very very simple God is all good and deserving of all your love and we are physical and spiritual creatures and there are physical manifestations of our love for God right yeah see you don't you don't like a piece of you doesn't care that it might be perceived by others as as superstitious well I mean I I'm in a Catholic Church and I'm lining up with a bunch of other people to do what I consider to be a very Catholic devotion mm-hmm and it's not explicitly condemned by the church it's encouraged by the church to have images to Revere images and so no I'm not I'm not someone misunderstanding the Catholic faith if I were worried if that weighed on me then I would be crushed by now because most people do misunderstand what Catholicism is all about so that's that we could crush a man yeah yeah and part of me just needs to be like a man about us just not worry another I I never understood when people would accuse Catholics of worshipping statues that that always confounded me like yeah you worship statues and it's like I don't I mean I mean no I mean kneeling and making the sign of the Cross is definitely not a form of worship so kissing the feet of a statue doesn't bother me either that's something I kiss my cross all the time so do you think it's an act parallel to the indulgences the sort of yeah it's yeah yeah absolutely it's probably better than my my method of just staying away from it you know you look at it as a gift and you look at as an area where you a freedom you know I don't have to worry I'm not treating this like it's an area of superstition or I'm not you know I I'm not using it in an inappropriate manner that is I'm just afraid that I would use it in an inappropriate manner I'm afraid I'd get caught up in it and I would be too you know I would I would basically just janga myself where I would just like line everything up and then one day would just topple down because I you know went too far overboard with it you know what it's kind of yeah okay no I just gonna say it's kind of like giving me access to a cookie jar you know and you're like here you can you can have some cookies and I'm like yeah that that's that's a that's really nice and then I'm 300 pounds you know wow those are some big cookies I mean you know you've just got to be persistent David I I'm the same when it comes to indulging but I want to talk about something really silly some really silly prayers for example I'm not a sports fan but some sports fans say I pray to God that my team wins this Saturday or this Sunday whatever it is football or soccer or whatever they really the other silly prayer is oh I hope I find a parking spot so I personally don't see any problem with those silly childish prayers provided that everything is in its proper perspective meaning that you know Oh God let me find a good parking spot but not my will be done your will be done you know what I mean right absolutely um I'm a little less likely to agree with you on the sports no I think any prayers beautiful I think anytime you talk to God but if that's the only time you're talking to God then there's a real problem there you know but yeah anytime anytime that you want to lift your heart up to the Lord I mean that's excellent I think out all the time when there's a parking space and in our parking garage somebody pulls out and I'm pulling off on my own oh yes oh yeah I think those are great silly I don't even think they're silly I just think they're just the little moments in life when you talk to God and yeah you know I hope that your will aligns with his yeah it's not that her prayer is really not that hard is there a possibility that we Catholics have been brainwashed into thinking that we Catholics are a bunch of superstitious morons and in fact no one prays or their football team to win it's just a propaganda sort of a black legend or do you think there are innocent low IQ people that exclusively pray for sports and parking oh definitely I mean that you're gonna have that anywhere I mean nominal Christians exist in all denominations and they'll pray for for those little things and just hope that God gives them a bicycle and that's about it that's the extent of it do do I I mean that's kind of like the like the Jewish person being afraid to like give it too small of a tip I don't know if that's occurred because I don't I died I don't think I overcompensate like in a superstitious manner I do but you know it's funny feel this live my dad and I talk about this cuz you know you gotta drop a deuce you're gonna read a book right so like it's religious reading material aloud while you're you know dropping a deuce is it is that is that like an okay I don't read I don't read on the toilets I think it's on hygienic like I mean I just want to like keep books uncontaminated even by the general atmosphere of a bathroom you know what I mean I would never put a book in a bathroom no matter what I just I treat books as sacred objects even if it's an Archie comic you know but I can't even fold a page on a book because I just want to keep them nice and pristine but if you're if you're comfortable with having ecoli and fecal matter on your books then go for it I mean there's nothing wrong with there's nothing wrong with mixing you know I pray I pray on the toilet number one number two it doesn't matter I pray and by the way I said to do number one or number two cuz I meet - my wife's weirded out by it she's like why yeah well yeah I mean you can read you know like you can get a lot done here but I do it more just so I don't have to go through that whole thing oh why is the seat up or whatever well the seats never up in my house you know I mean again I'm gonna point out the low caliber content that we have it immediately goes down just just like likes you do you drop a deuce and read religious material but I will also point out steamin you know there's like MRSA on every doorknob ever right it's MRSA it's a suit this type of super infection that like people can get it it sits on your skin but if it gets if it gets into a wound it's just untreatable because it's resistant to antibiotics and yeah I mean it's treatable but it's it's harder to treat than other antibiotics you have to be more aggressive with it and so I think about my nursing shoes all the time what you're sitting in my hallway you know literally just blood poop pee and MRSA that's all I can imagine being being on my shoes the surgeons I work for find pieces of bones in there in there what do you call them the spongy shoes that are really awful looking that everybody wears Crocs I find they find pieces of bone in their Crocs what just laughing because avec Christus Rick said pretty sure there are ways to read without getting fecal matter on the book there are most definitely ways to read on getting fecal matter in the book you just terrible it's you use your foot you got to use your foot with the toilet seat is what you do and then and then you can breathe full access turning a book with one hand or a page with one hand is does not not poss so you you're swiping left swiping right you've got different kinds of swiping going on if your honor yeah basically sure whatever yeah and then you always chance dropping the book into your lap so it's just you know you always have to use the foot to lift the toilet seat up so you can use both hands for the for the reading material my wife says she discovered a joke online that men sit on the toilet and say I'm gonna take a dump you just wait till it happens but women wait till they have to take it up and then they just sit and they just do it is that true no not even close I mean I when I go on ready I I sit I sit longer than I have to because if I'm if I'm reading some kind of compelling piece of materials and I'm gonna I want to see that through to the end of the chapter you know in which case I get my wife's in the next room stuck what are you doing in there and I'm like reading like come on isn't it isn't it obvious like come like for reals interesting so we've hit new Louis on the podcast but it's all good it's all I'm glad to have taken you there yeah it's all some of my best prayers are during a bathroom breaks Axl's find it humbling because I picture myself as a turd you know basically Martin Luther yeah yeah but a turd that will not be covered over with snow a turd that is going to be sanctified truly sanctified this is this is the beauty of the Catholic Way and I mean it's it's silly to think that we are pure and that we're righteous and one of my favorite quotes in the Old Testament is our righteousness is just like filthy rags I often think about that and we all have a long way to go and we're all very very disgusting and dirty I think I'm a hygiene a lot like every time I'm in the shower I shower you know once a day sometimes twice a day just because I stink I get sweaty I you know you know I have to brush my teeth I have to lean my hair I've got to keep everything clean because if I don't keep it clean guess what happens it's a gross stinky mess right sure though it accumulates very quickly and I think this is very humbling for us humans and I can understand I can understand why Satan and his demons mock and ridiculous disgusting smelly creatures I do understand but he completely missed the point that God is humble and God humbles his creatures and we have fallen from grace but he has given us a chance to stand before him purified and clean and yeah I I take exception with Luther's vision of the dunghill covered with snow it really really really aggravates me among many of his many of his heterodox teachings really aggravating that's a he he was like he was a the original Christian troll but what do you think of this so I read Saint Anthony of the desert a month or two ago and it was brilliant when I reread it again because it's it's so good there's only like 100 pages but they said that by the end of the saints life he didn't bathe at all and he always kept his burlap sack on or whatever it was but that he just didn't have to bathe now he he was also like stupid holy so do you think that there is a correlation or do you just think he was a smelly monk well I mean anything is possible with God but I know that the odour of sanctity is a real thing I know and I pray every day to die in the odor of sanctity and go straight to heaven without me at purgatory I pray for that every day because purgatory is painful and long and the reason I want the odor of sanctity is because why not I mean if I could die in the odor of sanctity that would be good for those around me to say wow what is this like David usually stinks why is he smell good today on this at the moment of death you know it's a supernatural sign to those around me at my death that God is good and the fact that I'm praying for this and asking for this every day is kind of like icing on the cake like frankly I'd be happy I'd be happy just to be the last one out of purgatory but I don't settle for that I say I don't want to go to purgatory at all even though I deserve hell I don't even want to go to purgatory I want to go straight to heaven I want to have the odor of sanctity when I die I want to live a long and holy life I want to be an example to others I want to be a saint and I don't want anything less than that and I encourage everyone no matter how how small you are how low you are on the totem pole today if you're a Christian I want you to follow my example and strive for the heights of virtue and sanctity because that's the place to be and just saying well I'm just a little nobody and I'll just be happy if I make it into purgatory that's a recipe for disaster in my opinion I stress this often with my guests especially my Dracula guests know and I agree I definitely agree with you on that you always have to be striving for something more than what you think you're able to attain and and a lot of the times you surprise yourself to and the only reason I understand that methodology is because I'm working out of exercise and fitness and I understand that if you if you want to hit a certain level you always have to shoot past a certain ringing of where you want to take yourself and you'll probably land where you want to go and not where you're shooting but you'll still you'll still hit a good area and you have to be constantly thinking and that progressive mindset or you're gonna you're just gonna plateau and it's and once you plateau you you go backwards there's no there's no real like plateauing in that sense is just regression and so but did gear and tell you this this is weird because Kira and I were just talking about this last night we're pretty sure our grandmother died with the odor of sanctity it was it occurred to me a couple years ago when I was smelling a candle and it was a it was a rose candle I'm like oh that smells like Ninon and whenever you go into her room there's this there's this floral scent still in the room and it's like this light cool feeling in the room that people would say oh it feels like it's a couple degrees colder than the rest of the house I said it but it's comfortable it's nice and there's this stillness there it's far out man we were really we were really fortunate to have a have a true Saint in our family wow it sounds amazing yeah she was a practicing Catholic her whole life I read about you yep their whole life what was your ethnic background English whitey was English rose yeah dude and she was cool she she gave me my love of the Blessed Mother and Padre Pio and she prayed for the entire family it's it's funny because I I found all this work that I'm doing now in my prayer life has been modeled after my grandmother and her approach to things because I just really identify with her she had this real gift for service of others and I went to my uncle Marc's house and I visited with him and her friend his name's Mike Todd Mike Todd is he's an interesting guy he's he's a Christian dude raised in a Catholic family but he's not a Catholic anymore but he's just very much into yoga and Kundalini but he's just an interesting interesting guy so we you know got together to chat and I went through my uncle Marc's bookshelf and I found the imitation of Mary and which is not it's not the the come it's not the true companion piece to the imitation of Jesus or of Christ but it's the one that was made in the 1700s by this French Jesuit and I stole it and I said mark and I can I borrow this and he said yeah and when I opened it I found just a massive amount of like religious cards in it and like these things and this one card that I found is said to live in the hearts that we leave behind is not to die and then I found this laminated prayer that my grandmother had she made a bookmark out of it and it's a prayer about bringing all of her children back to the Catholic faith and it specifically appealed to Mary it specifically appealed to the angels and it was just really cool to see this that to get this this more in-depth look at what my grandmother's prayer life was geared towards but even weirder were some of the religious cards that were in there there was a Padre Pio religious card and there was a st. therese of lassoo yeah and which is funny though because I do I base a big portion of my spirituality off of her and there was there were some other things in there and I was like oh this is funny how this all kind of fits together but my grandmother had this I guess secret mission to just be silent and to pray for everybody around her and to pray for them to to all come back to the church and my my dad and my uncle Mark came back first and then I guess I was the next one years and years later but the the week before she died I went to Mass with her and and she couldn't go up to the choir and my dad said you know Aden will sit with you I think I probably told you the story but I'm gonna tell you again and I sang with her and and and since that moment occurred I have this strong sense that she gave me over to the Lord and put me under the special protection of Padre Pio and brought me back the church through these different avenues and I came back to the church almost 10 years to the day that that moment happened it was 2017 that I decided that I was gonna you know dedicate my life to praying the rosary every day and and and go to adult catechism classes and it all kind of snowballed hmm very powerful I think we underestimate the quote/unquote little old ladies at church who are constantly there praying for fallen away husband to fallen away son or daughter or both so many anonymous silent for lack of a better word little old ladies who they might be Portuguese that might be Italian that might be English they might be French they might be whatever but they're overlooked I think they're overlooked on the city bus they're overlooked as they shuffle along the street and maybe hesitate to cross a busy street they're overlooked you know in the institutions where some of them have been shoved away by the families and they're overlooked sometimes even by their loved ones even maybe overlooked by a husband right well they are warriors and they have that manliness that you and I are craving that manliness to fight the good fight to be steadfast in our faith in our imitation of Christ and and our faith hope and love so we can have the courage to believe that it is possible to to not give in to nihilism ultimately which is the ultimate temptation to just say you know what it's too hard it's an uphill battle the odds are against us and is this even real is Christianity even real is the good objective and eternal and absolute or are the horns of people that are screaming in my face around me all day every day correct in as much as you know eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die and there's no there's nothing I mean I I don't I'm not tempted by that nihilism I'm not but there are many people I think who are and it's a constant it's a constant uphill battle for those of us who those of us who have the gift of faith and that's why I admire these little old ladies as one example they're you know they're young men also they do the same thing but the little old ladies paint a really poignant picture for us of faith in the face of indifference in the face of hostility in the face sometimes even of abuse and it's really it's mind mind-boggling and I see in that in that old woman Church whether it's your grandmother or some other anonymous woman that I see at church I see the humility of God that's what I see I see the humility of God in that you know the the silence that you talked about that that quiet confidence that you talked about the persistence and the prayer and just the power of faith the power of prayer but there's one other thing I want to say which is about you know sometimes I hesitate to get in the shower especially it's freezing cold in the weather upside and my house is poorly insulated and I hesitate to get into the shower and then I say okay I better do it so I get in the shower and the water is warm and refreshing and I feel clean and I'm like oh I want to stay in the shower so when I was outside I didn't want to get in but once I mean I don't want to get out and the analogy I'm painting here is with the faith if we're if we have slapped off and we've neglected the little spark or flame of faith that we have been given and we say okay well just do what I want to do and I'll live like a normal secular person it's hard to go to Mass it's hard to frequent the sacraments or to pray daily but once you start you're like hey this is fun this is good this is amazing I'm on fire for the faith bla bla bla bla bla bla why did I resist why did I wait so long I say in Agustin said late have I loved you alert and then life happens complicated stuff happens you get thrown off balance and you find yourself living a tepid lifestyle you fall away from your prayers you fall away from the sacraments and you're right back where you started it's always this sort of two sides of the fence and the reason I'm emphasizing this in the context of a discussion about these little old ladies is because of the persistence or tenacity and how important it is for us to recognize that yes it can feel good to be on one side it can feel superficially good to be on the other side but you and I have tasted the faith and we know that it's worth fighting for it's worth cherishing that faith protecting that faith and upbuilding always constantly of building a cave so that we never ever ever ever again fall away from the faith so that's the end of my little speech there it's um well you know it's funny that constancy I think is built from understanding that extremes are no good in either in either way so I get really I get really worried now if I'm really excited about something or if I'm really doing gloom about something and I realized that even if my like I'm excited if I find that my soul is easily stirred with something I now become very cautious about whatever that is because I realize there is that constancy is built-in remaining still regardless of like of the external circumstances that that are occurring around me and I break it all the time because I'm so easily agitated but even just spending small amounts of time in silence has really showed me that that it does not take much to stir me up and to lift me into another direction I'm like a plate of velcro that's just exposed to everything and if anything even remotely catches on it's completely latched and I'm stuck there and and I think that's the beauty of those the load ladies is that they have that that constancy down they have that quiet stillness my grandmother had that and there's this this acceptance that that springs forth for other people because you can see how easy it is to let yourself be stirred up was an active alcoholic he crashed one of his cars Betty my uncle Marc okay and he pulled up to the house and you know my denon opened the door and she's like oh ma what happened and he said oh I got drunk and I wrapped it around a pole and she was like oh come in fatigued and it wasn't it wasn't this my permissive or dismissive comment it was just hmm well we'll deal with that later and it was just like come on in and let's get sustenance let's get you let's get you taken care of and then we can get to the to the core of this I hope that's what it was I hope it was as healthy as how I'm presenting and it could just be gross negligence and and and his his very destructive behavior could have been enabled for years longer but no no no I pictured Yoda when you said that in a picture of Yoda my grandmother it was like Yoda a little taller but had the same kind of the same kind of attitude that everybody just wanted to be around her and they didn't know they didn't know why they wanted to be around her they just did and it was just such a beautiful it was such a beautiful gift and I'm still enamored by it I still think about her and think I wish my wife could have met her I wish that everybody could meet her because she lived her life in this very graceful manner that amazing in the inspiration we have easy to take it for granted but we have to look out for those examples and follow those examples and I mean in my mind in the back of my mind I'm just thinking okay when I'm older than all imitator right now I'll just be an obnoxious smug ass I don't see that I know you know it's funny I was thinking I get I get very irritated by a lot of Catholic media content because it's just so it's so smug so there's a lot of stuff out there and it's not even it's not even conducive to like healthy spirituality it's just you know the latest stuff and like let's talk about Pope Francis's latest mishap or let's talk about the you know the the German cent odd that's going on and all of this heresy and it's like this isn't sir this isn't serving me at all and all of these people that operate in this domain they're not helping they're not helping my spirituality but that if that's in direct contact contrast to your show when you have people on you actively listen to people and you let them speak you respond obviously but it's a very different it's a very different kind of atmosphere than than what I'm used to seeing in the Catholic world so thank you for not being a douchebag yeah that's one of the labels I get but thank you very much I appreciate the feedback and I do I know I do acknowledge that there are some strength into my my approach just because of the character that I've inherited as the graces of God that I'm able to I'm a genuine love of people I'm not faking and I really do love people I'm interested in people I can't take any credit for anything in life obviously but I have this character where I I do love and respect all human being so I thank God for that and you know I'm very inappropriate and socially awkward which is maybe might be entertaining sometimes might turn some people off I don't know but I just I don't try to filter it too much I do try to control some of my you know when I'm off-camera I make a lot more stupid jokes let's let's just put it that way yeah me too yeah yeah I mean it's easy when nobody's looking at you but your wife yeah do you sing in the shower no man I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a guy that sings in the shower my neighbor sings in the shower loud but I was gonna ask how do you know but I guess it's obvious but no it's right through the walls bro and we talked about it too like so so yeah it's it's it's quite loud let's say I don't probably I don't sing in the shower either I was just curious if you do are we gonna say now are you prompting me because you're going to reveal something about yourself or is no you don't sing in the shower no no I pray in the shower yeah me too me too but I also feel like that's unproductive how you see my silently I whisper but every time I get in the shower like the shower curtains blow out and then they stick to my body and so I'm praying but then I'm like getting irritated at the shower curtains that are stuck to my bear skins and that wet plastic is just bores oh yeah somehow we just took it down don't look up Marissa don't look up any like hospital-acquired infection don't don't work in the healthcare field no way because it's just lit it literally it's just a fountain of its it's hey do you have any stuff but yeah we need to we need to keep ourselves away from all the toxic stuff in the Catholic media and in the shower and everywhere I mean it's it's literally everywhere like you were we were talking earlier about images of attractive women in on TV and on billboards and walking down the street and just you know the culture at large wants to present you with pleasure like even if it's a billboard of a big fake juicy burger I mean I still it to me it's the same thing like I mean if I see a big juicy burger I don't see a big you know juicy pair of hooters hanging out of some girl's top on a board it's the same thing for me it's this terminology is what makes it foul it's you could just say breasts you know that's like that what that works the same yeah I'm sorry about that yeah no no but you know we're being tempted by all the good stuff you know pleasure and reading reading the Desert Fathers is making me aware that and I've been saying this for a months now I'm 35 percent into the book the Philip Kalia and I highly highly recommend this and on that note I'm very excited about your podcast can you talk a little bit about the timeline when is it coming out is there one episode that's been published yet or not no there hasn't been so we probably won't punish or punish we probably won't yeah we won't punish you with us we won't publish it until we can edit the music in and do a little bit of the artwork for it so we could I commissioned my dad to do the art for it my dad's actually quite good at stuff so we're gonna do that but we made a couple of attempts at recording an episode and every time that we did it I was very I wasn't on my my a-game because he would call me up me like we got to do this and I'd be downstairs okay got to do this but I'm reading and I'm finishing another spiritual piece of material right now that I I don't feel like I can do anything justice if I'm trying to process too much stuff at one time so I want to get myself on a schedule with the latter whenever I finish the imitation of Mary which is actually it's coming up it's you know I read like a section out of this book every day and so I probably have until the end of April or the beginning of May until I really get to start the latter so that's when I would say Kieran's always more ambitious than me and it's like we're gonna start up Tuesday and then it just doesn't it just doesn't occur but I would say probably closer towards May is when we were really gonna make the attempt if he started without you with that your whole buzz uh I don't think he would start without me I don't I just don't foresee that being a thing if he did I'm sure he could he could do that but I don't know I don't know if that's his desire is you talked to him about that did he say wants to start it out without yeah he said he can't stand you and so forth he's definitely better at basketball but he is not the better-looking brother let me tell you I've got two inches on him oh don't go there what oh wait okay hi okay oh I was just kidding by the way he's not he's all I know no no I wouldn't I wouldn't take any offence if you wanted to start it but I feel like they'll be awkward to have like a solo podcast I always wonder how you do your meta assets do you like write your stuff out first or do you just like riff riff that's too ass hard I would get myself into so much trouble if I did something like that yeah but my meta episodes are edited so I say bunch of stupid stuff and cut it all out that's why I haven't done it meta episode since 20 20th began because I'm just going live going live all the time right I'm surprised I am surprised that I'm able to not really mess up and stick my foot in my mouth but it's it's going pretty well like I haven't made a complete fool of myself I have misspoken many many times uh-huh but it's usually just little sort of typographical errors or the equivalent of that and when you're speaking and you just misspeak sure that's not a big deal it's pretty forgivable but and just getting facts wrong like but that's pretty understandable too and there's the Internet if people want a fact check it's pretty easy yeah so it's not a big deal but what I'm concerned about is saying something personal about people that don't want to have anything to do with if Ellis is no more you know my project yeah I mean I guess that could happen um we could take potshots at Kieran right now if you wanted to it would be a good start you could then like you know break that seal nobody likes you Kieran we all like him we all love I know I know he's great he's cute what would be what would the format how do you anticipate the format is it going to be of reading and back and forth discussion or no readings just the commentary in the back and forth sort of review of how it struck you and how it struck him and are there practical takeaways for the listener like little homework assignments or how do you envision how do you envision podcasts going so I wouldn't I wouldn't say that there would be any kind of homework II type of assignments and I I'm still figuring it out myself too because some of the some of the steps are are really short and some are really long and so I don't know how we're gonna we're going to break up the long ones cause like if you give an episode to a short one and then you give an episode or an episode of one that's like 20 pages long it doesn't really it doesn't have the same kind of a fact and so I'm gonna have to go through I'm gonna have to review the material and see how it plays out in that sense but I've noticed that like what you're doing there's not a lot of this there's not a lot of dudes that I can talk to that are my age that experience the same kinds of things and that are that are talking about this stuff in trying to live live this life and so this is more of just like this is more just a couple of guys who are pursuing the interior life and pursuing extra-biblical reading material and then trying to live it authentically and then maybe initial impressions and if one of us is more struck by bias steps than the other what struck us but I'm also wondering how I'm gonna do it and and and and speak about it in an authentic way but also in a way that's not I don't know whenever you pursue things in the spiritual life you're supposed to keep it hidden you're supposed to keep it veiled and you're not supposed to suffer along with other people in a certain sense because it kind of it takes away any of the merit that goes along with it so um I'm still kind of sitting with that concept and wondering how how we're gonna handle it but I'm gonna try as hard as possible not to be too inside you know jokey about it and try to just be as authentic as possible as we process a beautiful piece of of work um the way the way I see it personally the reason I'm comfortable exposing my perspective on Catholicism to YouTube and the world it's not because I think I'm a good example of how to be a Catholic but it's because I think that Christ gave us a church and he wants everyone to get in so it's just a little sample of one perspective among many many many other perspectives on the internet Catholics who say well I'm excited I'm excited to have been invited into the Ark I got into the Ark of my own free will and I think it was a reasonable decision to get into the Ark I'm happy to have gotten into the Ark this these are the riches that I have at my disposal because I freely and rationally entered the Ark and if anything that I'm excited about excites you latch on to that latch on to that excitement get into the Ark stay in the Ark and helping others into the Ark that's about it that's my philosophy with the podcast doesn't matter if you think I'm stupid or ugly or my perspective is at odds with your own if there's anything that you're excited about from the Catholic Church then just latch on to that and dig deeper into it and dig around and find what other treasures there are that's that's about it that's about it from my perspective and that's kind of what we're what we're going for we're it's just like we're making this attempt and if you are one of those people that is also in that same boat then you have something that you could that you can grasp on to and participate with and I don't know how we would have other people participate with us but I always love to encourage active participation and discussion about it because we have we have access to so many of these spiritual manuals and I have a great spiritual director but spiritual directors are pretty much few and far between is what I'm what I'm hearing unless of course you're an Orthodox in which case it's very common fair to have a spiritual father so the idea of making it in normal in a sense you know approaching with a sense of normalcy like hey we're doing this and and you know we'd love it if you wanted to participate in one way or another well hopefully Robert White we'll give you lots of interesting comments on your YouTube channel does he still does he still prop pop up yeah yeah yeah he's been there for a couple of years now well maybe a year and if I'm not sure can you comment on on this one yet no not yet mm-hmm unfortunately but that's a thing like you will you will have your listeners that are trying to get as much as they can out of the Catholic perspective and the Orthodox perspective and just the right the Christian perspective generally and then you'll have those who are monotheists and then you'll have those who worship God in a way that is not monotheistic I think that's a little bit of a contradiction but there's some confusion about God and different different people with different worldviews and different religions can still get excited about Christianity and they derive some usefulness from listening to you and your brother talk about the latter of the divine ascent and then there are the atheists that hate religion and God and Christianity and they any will contribute in their own way to this is the beautiful thing about the economy of salvation God has left no one out everyone has business on the stage of life everyone has a lot of business and everyone's helping God that's that's the beautiful thing everyone's helping God's will be done ultimately even Satan and his demons and is human minions here on earth they're helping God's will to be done it's it's amazing and once you see life as a sort of theater piece like that that the the victory of God is a foregone conclusion it's it's a fit to complete on the cross Satan has lost God has won I mean that's no great revelation everyone if you know who and what God is and who and what Satan is you already know who's going to win this so-called battle but um given the fact that the church emphatically teaches that the battles and the war itself have been definitively won on the cross we can just sort of kick back and watch the drama unfold and watch shifting alliances and because I was a Satanist and I was on Satan side for a little while a few years I know that it's not a great leap from Satanism to Catholicism it's not a great leap from nihilism to monotheism it really is not a big big lifestyle change it's not it's it's something that everyone can do at their own pace and I don't feel like I've really advanced as a human being that much from when I was at my deepest darkest moments I mean you know just not a lot of growth there's not a lot of there's not a really huge difference but it's a significant difference because now I'm on Christ's side now I've signed up to be purified now I signed up to say yes to suffering and to death in Christ so that I can enjoy eternal life with him and but it's not like I'm being tested too much it's not like I'm being crucified every day my right the little crosses that I get every day are so small they're custom-made for a really really really weak human being because that's what I am so I want to let the atheists out there know that it's not a big transition when you jump into monotheism what I thought is that my personality is gonna be destroyed I'm not gonna be able to smile or laugh or have fun or anything but nothing could be further from the truth God meets you where you are and then you start taking a little baby steps and he'll send you little tiny crosses and if you're lucky if he really loves you a lot maybe he'll send you some big ones but so far I've got energy once I I was watching this documentary last night about Laurel Canyon in California and the music that came out of there in the 60s and the excitement that the musicians spoke about there was some it just it it really resonated with me it made me think of the excitement I get when I think of Jesus and when I think of mother Mary and probably if that sounds cheesy but there is this very similar kind of this mystical quality of what's what's coming up next and you wouldn't put those things together this you know this rock and roll scene in California where drugs and sex you know are like celebrated and and just reveled in and then you know spirituality it's and Russell Brand described his his touch with spirituality and in the same way where he said he he so it caught the eye of this monk and he said it made him blush and he's like I saw I saw the truth in that moment and I thought that was just the coolest way of describing it because I feel something something very similar to that whenever I get close to the truth it is the romance of religion or if you're not ready for religion it's the romance of spirituality and if you're not religion if you're not ready for spirituality it's the romance of truth itself I mean there's always a point of contact where you in your weakness you're ready to get excited about some aspect of God and this church it's just incredible how flexible God is in working with us bending low to condescend to reach each of us and meet each of us exactly where we are so we were unbelievable the humility of God on that note we're gonna wrap it up is there anything else that you wanted to touch on or did you want to leave the final thought for the viewers I was just gonna say how many wives out there dislike you because my wife when I told my wife I was chatting with you today she's like ah there goes six hours and I was thinking like I bet you that's not the first one I bet does your wife does she like wonder where you disappeared to for hours at a time while you're doing the stuff she's happy to get rid of me frankly because oh yes busy with her own artistic projects go into detail if you look behind me here you can see two paintings she made you can see you can't see Aidan but I can't no playback but a couple of icons she made one of Jesus the Good Shepherd holding a cute little sheep yeah one of same armas or something like that it's an easter egg i st. i'm not sure who that is he'd spread him on toast Marmite but mama I think it is mamma's oh yeah yeah but I know she's happy to get rid of me but she hates my religion obviously and I don't talk too much about her because she doesn't want me to but yeah every wife that I know of hates me and it's just because you know Christ brings not peace but a sword he comes to divide and once you're in then you love him you love his church you love the Saints but when you're on the outside I think it's only natural to resent that sort of all-or-nothing approach that Jesus Christ takes you're with me or you're against me if you're not with me you're scattering I mean this is a pretty hard line that Jesus Christ takes so I think it's only natural for those who are opposing Christ even if they think he's a myth just a myth a legend something that was made up to keep people under the control of domineering government whatever your conspiracy theory is even if you don't believe in a literal historical Jesus Christ I think it's normal to have some antagonism toward this figure that is so dramatically polarizing even in his own even in his own teachings you're with me or you're against me well I will say my wife is it is a lover of Christ and I'll actually say that it's probably my fault that that was her comment that she made because I'm because I should just be a far better husband and better at communicating and you know rather than just spring on or a sadder like by the way I'm going to talk to David I should have like said it a couple days prior to that but also we know what though I'm gonna say this though to I she probably she gets treated the worst so like I'm you know I I'm on this pursuit of things but it's so easy to just be irritable with people that are close to you and I should treat my wife leagues better than I do and I feel like that needs to be the path where I die to myself because all this other stuff you know all this these pursuits it doesn't really mean much if you're not loving the people around you better so yeah you know she is your mission she is your primary mission and yet you have to fold that she is Damon you have to focus on the realities your your station in life someone mentioned that a dog came in and made a cameo I think that was a cat no it was my cat yeah my cat came in yeah she's sitting right along helix yeah she's got long hair she's cute yeah all right well hey look I'll I'll let you go I gotta throw some food in the oven I got to go be present and yes you know attempt to be that husband as I should be so but he's coming on nice seeing a nice chatting to you sorry it went so long Eve my whole Tomatoes the way is really good I will we'll catch up again sometime and shoot me an email any time but most importantly please remember me and mine in your daily prayers I absolutely will absolutely well it was great talking to you nice talking you talk soon all right