CVS Live Guest - 2022-02-10 - Aidan Lisney

Author Streamed Thursday February 10th, 2022

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CVS Live Guest - 2022-02-10 - Aidan Lisney

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Streamed February 23rd, 2020

CVS Live Guest - 2020-02-23 - Pykris

Streamed February 22nd, 2020

CVS Live Guest - 2020-02-22 - Aidan Lisney

Streamed January 25th, 2020

CVS Live Guest - 2020-01-25 - Kalen R.

Today Aidan reached out to see if I wanted to continue discussing the Most Holy Rosary devotion. I agreed wholeheartedly.


CVS Live Guest - 2022-02-10 - Aidan Lisney

Author Streamed January 11th, 2020

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These transcripts are generated automatically and are therefore unformatted and replete with errors.
by the way i did i didn't tell you i make rosaries did i uh we're live now hey hey so you make rosaries i do for the past probably when i first started nursing i learned i started learning how i started going down the rabbit hole uh doing paracord stuff because i love the rugged rosaries um but also um wanted to like be able to give them to people uh that don't want to like spend money on rosaries and so i started making miniature uh rosaries but actually david that was just gonna be a way to segue into saying like give me your address at some point and i'll mail you one sure um cool do you ever do a full one no so the materials cost a lot of money and if i had made full ones for people it would take me too long first of all i haven't figured out how to make a full one because there are no templates out there that are just that are like uniform everybody does does them differently rugged rosaries doesn't talk about much of that stuff and i guess they wouldn't because their business model is set up on being able to make something look beautiful and sell it to people so they don't want other people being able to completely emulate them have you got a rugged rosary i have a couple of them can you show them show it to me sure wow so the black monk rosary is what what i use and can you show me how you how you uh thumb it i get just between i i slip through either my my pointer and my thumb or my middle my middle finger do they move at all uh yeah they do a little bit and i when i when i'm like sitting in my car i like slide them through okay both my pointer and my middle finger so you can squeeze the fingers between them uh yeah you can not my meaty fingers so much like i kind of push them around until i can but i've been actually losing track lately i've been like forgetting where i am and i like absentmindedly flip through them prematurely because they it feels so nice it's so like yeah it's good though it's a good uh good fidget device do you have your rosary on you uh you want to grab it yeah go get it just a sec i don't want you to see my pajamas go for it uh i don't know if you noticed but in honor of st louis de montfort i'm wearing my most ratty clothes today nice because he he would exchange clothing with the bum that had the worst set of quality was that what he would do wherever he went yeah now do you have a rugged rosary no i don't i can't afford it but um i thought about buying one i thought about flying this i don't know if you can see this um someone gave this to me lords oh that's awesome is it actually from lords yeah and it's been blessed by a priest at lord that's really and you haven't broken it yet no i had to patch it up you see you see the uh [Music] i don't know if you can see the wax i put beeswax to patch up the frayed strings like the strings actually broke and i just use beeswax to hold it together so it smells good but i don't know if you can see the quality of the wood but it's like wood from france i guess that's really sweet it's not but you know what most wooden beads are pretty high quality yeah i mean you're pretty much you have a couple of beads options and when it comes into wood most the wood beads out there are pretty good um and then you have the beads with the rugged rosaries are resin and then you have these terrible pony beads so when you start making rosaries you kind of have to like play around with different options what's cheaper what's not um i'm showing you my technique this is how i go through i love your technique right here it's just like this is such a poor introduction to this whole thing it's just like sloppy sloppy i'll hang this right here on the microphone now do you hang out in between the beats since you have enough room to slide them because you got some space in between those bad boys uh yeah like i just uh i don't know if you see what i'm doing but i might it's hanging on my index finger and then i just have my thumb pressing so i can feel i'm touching my finger through the string nice that's how i like to do it and there's a little mini bead in between the big beads i think that's standard issue oh that is really nice oh that's that that would probably you can think of incorporating that in your next thing yeah when i get well i do not in between i do not in between the the the metal beads that i use so i do barrel cuts in between them and those are they're like beeps they're skulls so that's cool so yeah i like the uh i like the whole ritual of praying it on my knees but like i told you i've been cheating lately and praying on my bicycle nice and uh it's just a question of uh you know like as we've discussed many times just i've been going through a rough patch so i my faith's not as strong as it should be and my devotions aren't as uh fervent as they should be and as they have been in the past just for the past couple years but i think a lot of us are going through that you did you hear the young did you hear the young italian on my podcast last week he was no he was you know he had just rediscovered his faith as a young man at age 21 and now he's 25 but kovid is uh hurting his faith it's not helping his faith so it's good it's good for me to hear that other people are struggling no i don't want people to struggle but it's good to hear that i'm not the only one that's struggling and a lot of the few priests that i have been able to see over the past years they've encouraged me that i'm not the only one struggling and i'm not the only one under demonic attack either so there there's a lot there's a lot going on spiritually definitely um me as well i literally like uh uh a pool of sin is what i thought of myself as today i'm like literally just like swimming just awful like like it's like oh i wonder if there will ever be a day you know probably the day that i die where i'm like you know where i actually like look at myself and say oh i didn't as much as i usually do today because usually it's just like you know writing everything down you know like you gotta take that one to the you'd do a confessional you do write it down no no because that would be too scrupulous but i mean like like it's usually just like this more ambiguous write down where it's like i keep that in the back of my head where i have this general feeling of dirtiness where i'm like it's uh it's time to go to confession now but you know yeah right now it's been like two weeks since i've gone and i feel like i needed it the day that i that i went and so yeah yeah yeah well you're lucky you can go you can go every weekend if you want to right yeah i'm i'm kind of i guess i'm a pain because i just go up to the priest whenever i see one i read confession i'm just like can you hear my confession and they're always like really surprised they're like sure and i'm like yes i am like all right we have to get we have to get i wish there were more people inconveniencing our priests so then they'd get in the habit this is a nice illustration of i can never do the mirror thing i don't know which way is up stan louis marie de montfort it's a pretty cute stained glass kind of i don't know if it's a real stained glass wound window probably is do you want to do you want to say what were what we were doing or what we were attempting to do that's already gone so poorly yeah well we're just gonna discuss the rosary like i think i i did mention that in the description of the video so okay yeah i emailed you because the last time we spoke we interwove some some talks or some some content about the rosary i was like that was really that was really cool and i'm also narcissistic and selfish and it's like well that's my primary prayer devotion and i'm like let's we should just talk about that specifically at some point um yeah because it's fun and people people pray it 100 you know i i'm also jealous um that there's such that there's this uh deeply developed orthodox theology around the jesus prayer and this tremendous following around it which i think is it's awesome it's like the coolest thing ever but i'm like i wonder why um when it comes to content about the rosary it's usually written from a place of here's how to begin not i've been doing this for um here's what it's like after that amount of time and a couple of the materials like saint louis de montfort you know he writes from a place of um having spent real time with the devotion and and some of this stuff um you know is very french and scary um because it's it's it's very strict and very austere um and kind of like you know i think he even talks about like flagellations in the secret of the rosary like beating himself with the discipline every week that type of thing um on that note can i read you a little something about the birth of the rosary yeah uh forgive me if i don't read very well but i'm just reading it right here in my book god alone the collected writings of saint louis marie de montfort so it this is the second rose in the secret of the rosary book which you have there and i'll just jump in uh to the third paragraph where he says i will tell you the story of how he saint dominic received the rosary which is found in the very well-known book by blessed alan de la roche who's another big big name in the history of the rosary saint dominic seeing that the gravity of people's sins was hindering the conversion of the albigensians a heretical group withdrew into a forest near toulouse where he prayed continuously for three days and three nights during this time he did nothing but weep and do harsh penances in order to appease the anger of god he used his discipline so much that his body was lacerated and finally he fell into a coma at this point our lady appeared to him accompanied by three angels and she said dear dominic do you know which weapon the blessed trinity wants to use to reform the world oh my lady answered saint dominic you know far better than i do because next to your son jesus christ you have always been the chief instrument of our salvation then our lady replied i want you to know that in this kind of warfare the principal weapon has always been the angelic psalter which is the foundation stone of the new testament therefore if you want to reach those these hardened souls and win them over to god preach my psalter and by that she means of course uh the angelic salutation and all the prayers of the rosary so uh so that's it i won't continue but i just wanted to emphasize the strictness and the harshness of his penance he went into a coma because he'd lacerated his body so harshly for three days and three nights i'm not recommending that you do that or that i do that or anyone listening does that well but what's cool though is that um she doesn't like poo poo that but she then offers something which she says is hey do do do this instead this is how i wish to reform the world and so um uh i guess that's you know probably how most people would probably choose to look at that rather than focusing on the part where like what was that last part about him beating himself into a coma um which seems pretty heretical considering the alba jensens also were uh they were known for extreme um yeah extreme um penance and like weird um so what was the heresy basically they were they were against marriage they were against marriage they were uh i think they believe the body was bad the material was bad sort of sort of gnostic teaching right sex was bad unless it was unmarried because then it wasn't there was nothing uh i don't i don't i didn't understand that but but yeah it was all it was all um uh you know really twisted stuff and um then the rosary was used to to combat to combat that heresy and any other heresy going forward which is very appealing to me the idea that you can specifically combat heresy personal heresy too by sticking to that to that type of devotion it's amazing he says something i'm not going to dominate but i just i'm excited i'm excited to read a couple of the things that i just read while i was uh waiting to talk with you today so um i prepared by not preparing i i didn't prepare i just was waiting for you and i just opened the book literally for two seconds okay cool but there's so much in here uh there's one tiny quote here it says almighty god has given the rosary to you because he wants you to use it as a means to convert the most hardened sinners and the most obstinate heretics so there's an ex explicit and very clear message that this is a tool in spiritual warfare to save our brothers and sisters okay those who have fallen away from the faith are never had the faith very powerful we should remember this when we're praying a rosary absolutely in fact one of the ways to continue to keep my devotion um perfect fresh and fervent is going back and reviewing certain things associated with the rosary that i just like let fall out of my mind when i'm actually praying in the devotion but like there's a medicinal quality to the prayer um that you have to be intentional with but if you do choose to be intentional it actually does the stuff that that it says it's it's going to do so like going through you know like most of the rosary um pamphlets they have have the the meditation and then they have the fruit associated with the meditation and one of the thoughts that came a couple weeks ago in my head was uh what if all of those what if that was all real like what if all of that was as as it's described and it's um you should expect those things that i went back and like the sorrowful mysteries i told you i was very attracted to the sorrowful mysteries lately and always have been but it just so happens that all of my deficits but some of my worst deficits come from um a place that can be combated with those specific mysteries so you have the agony in the garden which causes true contrition for sin i lack true contrition or at least perfect contrition you have the uh scourging which promotes purity uh causes purity you have uh the crowning with thorns which is courage which i'm an absolute coward you have the carrying of the cross which is long suffering or patience and um uh the crucifixion which is is i think maybe the the crucifixion crucifixion might be i'd have to i'd have to look it up but i think i always mix those two up so i know that long suffering and patience um are that they're interchangeable but i feel like patience was attributed to the crucifixion and long suffering to the caring of the cross but i i could be wrong um give me one second she's gonna grab a book what what's the book what's the book the standard champions of the rosary by father calloway okay i don't know that is good good it's excellent it is an excellent book um basically if you are a fan of the rosary then you should have this book it lays out the um the history and the origins of the rosary it lays out a bunch of um uh a bunch of saints that are well known for promoting and all the quotes uh that they've not all the quotes but a very comprehensive amount of quotes that those saints have said about the rosary um including hopes including popes giving adultery tons of popes um indulgences yeah and the unfortunate thing is most of those indulgences are the way that indulgences have been changed a lot of those slothed away but it also has a big section on um how to pray how to pray the rosary um and how to become a champion of it there we go okay so the crucifixion perseverance perseverance yeah is the is the fruit of the mystery for that's good that's quite that's uh quite an important one that means your faith will not fail at the end of life right absolutely yeah and i mean that's what we're all that's we're all hoping for so and that's one of the specific promises to sticking with st louis de montfort i'm going to read you just a couple little things here first of all two contrasting quotes from opposite sides of this page he says first he says so by all means we should eagerly crown ourselves with these roses from heaven that's the rosary and recite the entire rosary every day that is say three rosaries each of five decades so three times five is fifteen we have twenty today okay um and then later in the next uh the not the following but the the second one chapter or whatever it is he says of course it would be too much to expect you to say the whole 15 mysteries every day but do say at least five mysteries so he says we should do like 15 a day and then he says of course that's too much ask so i do at least five a day okay and i do five a day i've never really i don't think maybe once in my life i've done 20. um but i want to read you just a little promise here it says if you say the rosary faithfully unto until death i do assure you this is saint louis i'm all for speaking here i do assure you that in spite of the gravity of your sins you shall receive a never fading crown of glory even if you're on the brink of damnation even if you have one foot in hell even if you've sold your soul to the devil as sorcerers do who practice black magic and even if you're a heretic as obstinate as obstinate obstinate as a devil sooner or later you will be converted and will amend your life and save your soul if you say the rosary devoutly every day until death for the purpose of knowing the truth and obtaining contrition and pardon for your sins so that's the condition those are the conditions uh but pretty powerful statement about the power of this devotion right and that's actually that quote along with the testimony of saint bartololongo is what set me on the rosary devotion and actually paved some of the ground for our first conversation yeah um i remember yeah which is awesome um because you know he said i'd sign that statement in my blood which uh you know you need you need that kind of confidence when you feel despair and um and you also need somebody who's like yeah i committed animal sacrifice and committed i don't know the worst offense is possible and now i'm a saint you know and that's uh and then holds up whatever their their devotion of choice is um which just you know why i love uh bartololongo so much yeah but he said one thing that stuck with me one of the many things he said that was powerful to me early in my conversion and even today is uh he made a vow or a promise or a commitment to never appreciate the beauty of a woman's face anymore because that was a that was a trap for him for lust and he would never appreciate the value he wouldn't he wouldn't he would not give that any value okay gotcha he's not saying god is not a good artist he's not saying god is not a good architect he's not saying that god's creation is not good what he's saying is i will not value that i will not pay any attention to that because it's it's a trigger for me and what i will focus on is inner beauty and i think that's that's a good that's a good remedy against those of us who are tempted by beauty and that have been exposed to pornography all our lives like most most people today have been starting at a very young age i was exposed to pornography as a very young child and it's me too it's messed me up like it really messed up everything right um psychologically of course sexually everything it's just really messed up right and it's emasculating too it's like i'm not as manly as i would have been if i hadn't been exposed to pornography at an early age so it's horrible and it damages relationships everything it's just it's just horrible so um yeah i think this idea of disregarding the beauty of god's creation in that particular way for men because men are very visual and focusing on the inner beauty only is a good is a good weapon of choice and it reminds me a little bit of saint francis desales saint francis of sales who who met an actress or a princess or someone that was very rich and beautiful and well adorned and hair makeup the whole thing and the carriage and the pomp and ceremony and everything and uh his reaction was not very good and she said do you not know who i am and he made some just very short comment about how yes he sees her and what he sees is ugly and it's just it was like he cut her to the quick because he acknowledged the inner ugliness that she had that was dominating he was not fooled by the externalities and he was not insulting god because god made her beauty right he was not it was this was not nothing about insulting god and his creation it was about what is important in this life to get to heaven and it's not how cute you are how sexy you are or how well dressed you are or how well connected you are or anything anything like that and don't know if you know this but he was a devotee to the rosary prayed the full 15 decades every day made a vow to pray and um i was on you you always end up on weird like weird threads as like a as a catholic or as a christian that's like you know into something but or just as a nerd maybe but he uh i found like the way that he prayed his rosary he would you know pray it from start to finish you know at the cross but then he would loop back around down down back again to the cross saying the um the hill the glory be hail mary's and our father and then i think he ended with the with the creed again i guess like a like a very circular way to approach it which is like like like it's too that's too much for me but i'm good for you man well uh saint louis says that we should not be looking for one recipe one correct method make your make your own method make your own method make your own method and the beauty of that is uh you know the flower garden of the rosary is going to be more diverse because diversity is a good thing right it is it is and actually i wanted to ask you do you do your own uh introductory uh introductory prayers to your rosary to your daily rosary no i just jump right in with the creed the i i do have my own little tweaks like i do on the three beads you know i do and this is all outlined in a video that you may have seen years ago that i posted about how i pray the rosary i've got a little the decalogue yeah yeah it outlines all my unique choices why i make these choices and i do the i do the decalogue that's one thing i find very um close to my heart is the ten commandments and just meditating on the ten commandments in conjunction with the mystery that's real and yeah and you take that through the whole even the luminous mysteries yeah all the mysteries all the mysteries yes can i read you a quote yes all right so i have a book here called a doorway to silence this is um by robert llewellyn this man um was an anglican uh priest and he fell in love with the rosary he he was um i guess a curator he lived at um uh the saint julian of norwich shrine uh in england and he fell in love with the rosary and he started rosary groups and he wrote a book about the contemplative use of the rosary in the 80s and um i was on a blog and it mentioned this book and it's not in print anymore so i had to order it and got a nice slightly damaged version from amazon which i am in love with it's very short but it's got some really good stuff in it um some really did you pay a lot for that that i would definitely i would definitely recommend having um there is some questionable stuff in here too because he he's definitely into zen buddhism but his his um his uh some of his his recommendations are just really beneficial because we get so tied to like the formula of what we're doing um that it can be very it can it can almost be anti-prayer like you you block the holy spirit from coming in yeah when he needs to and so some of the suggestions he gives would probably scandalize you know taylor marshall but um but they're they're really good i think they're really good but this is how he introduces his book it's called the peasant woman telling her beads the french writer maricol has a beautiful description of an elderly peasant woman telling her beads before the cottage hearth he writes the monotony of those repetitions clothes her with physical peace and recollection and her soul already directed on high almost mechanically by her habitual gesture of drawing out the rosary immediately opens out with increasing serenity on unlimited perspectives felt rather than analyzed which converge on god what does it matter then if the humble soul does not concern herself with living over and over again the exact meaning of the formula which she is repeating often she does better she allows herself to rise freely into a true contemplation well-worn and obscure uncomplicated unsystematized alternating with a return of attention to the words she is muttering but building up in the long run on the mechanized basis they afford a higher purified personal prayer and when i read something like that i think i want i want all of that and um saint louis de montfort he touches on that and he doesn't write about it in the same exact way and um sometimes you have to do a little bit of digging for it sometimes he out rightly discusses mental prayer but it's only a couple of offhanded references but spending some real time with the prayer has taught me that it truly is something that's supposed to open us to contemplation and that's why mary wanted it for the entire world because it's a bridge between the most basic introductory prayers all the way to the highest heights of contemplation and if you're praying it you don't have to worry so much about um you know not getting it right or or uh whatever it is that we we think we have to do yeah yeah well i do you know i i i do i'm aware of the poverty of my prayer life i'm aware of the impatience i have when it comes to prayer time um when i'm not in prayer time i just love having a open channel prayer like just like awareness just little one word prayers that sort of thing that that is natural and easy for me it's not you know it's nothing spectacular either but at least it's natural and it's wholesome as opposed to my fixed prayers which are full of anxiety and i've talked about this for years everyone listening to my channel knows this about me but um i am also thinking about what the promise that was made by saint louis or there in the in that little paragraph i read you about the most hardened sinner if you've sold your soul to the devil whatever it is eventually you will be reformed you'll have a change to amend your life and all this sort of thing i i do have that same thought every day it's like i'm i'm really not good at praying i'm really impatient i'm really scanty with uh what i'm giving to god here it's like he who gives sparingly will receive sparingly but on the other hand i say but if i keep praying the way i'm praying uh what i'm hoping and praying for is that i will learn to pray eventually i'll learn to be calm during prayer and i'll have some depth to my prayer instead of just like you know um so i'm hoping i'll have some depth and i'll uh grow and i've got i'm planting seeds i may not be planting them properly i'm kind of scattering them but i'm hoping this just one of them will take root and that will give me some depth to my uh to my prayer life overall and uh i mean it is pathetic it is frankly it is pathetic and humbling my prayer life how bad it is but there is that hope that persisting in it and humbly being aware of how crappy i am at prayer will eventually bear some fruit just like he promises like it does even if you've sold your soul to the devil if you persist if you just persist just trust trust the plan kind of thing you think um true prayer will just sneak in through the back door well i think i'll make sure i think i'll mature eventually i'll mature and i'll stop being as selfish and as worldly and as sensual and as greedy and lustful and all that you know i'll become hopefully i'll become a christian and kill the old man kill the old man and uh it's no longer i who live but christ that's the dream that's the goal right to become a christian that's the goal because i'm not really comfortable saying it i mean i will check the box and i'm striving to be christian but it's like not there not there yet and it's exciting to think about that but it's also daunting because there's a responsibility and there you have to be courageous you have to be in the fray like in the battle active instead of just passively like hiding away reading and just pretending you're christian like what i do but um so i mean one day i think the lord works in mysterious ways and i think that everyone has a time and so like if i'm sitting on the bench like in a sports analogy i don't know much about sports but if i'm sitting on the bench keeping the bench warm and maybe you know i cheering on the people that are on the ice the saints uh maybe the coach will put me in that was one of my earliest prayers when i converted it's like hey what are you gonna use me for god are you gonna use me for anything are you gonna do anything with me like am i gonna be an instrument of your grace and uh basically it's like not yet not yet but maybe that's what i need i need to sit on the bench for a while and uh you know i do my little things i do my prayers i do your videos i do my videos i interview people like you and i'm promoting the rosary in my own small way i've got a couple of videos about it and uh i bought some rosaries and handed them out to people at work and they didn't really like that they thought it was freaky like why are you pushing your religion on me even though they're right most of them are ostensibly catholic to begin with but they're just it's just weird right when you start pushing stuff on people you know i've given out rosaries that i've made at work and it's been met with pretty good good reception it's been received well yeah i can't speak yeah whenever i talk to you yeah yeah yeah i'm just like mouth vomit but it could be because it's florida but it could also be because i made them so maybe there's something like behind like wow you made that like you're not you know yeah yeah you're not just that weird dude that farts at the nurse's station which yes i am the ones that the ones i gave out were like cheap white plastic you've seen the cheapest one you could buy it's going to do a little grease those are great they're so bad they always like hang them over mother mary's statues and i'm like she doesn't like that she doesn't like that one i hung up i hung one each on all of our vehicles at work we have three trucks in a van and i hung them from the rear view mirror and no one's taking them down or anything where it hasn't caused any car accidents have they no dude i used to always my grandma would make rosaries right and we'd always get them and we'd hang them on the rear view mirrors and then you're like cranking your wheel to the right you get your hands stuck in the rosary and it would tear the crucifix off and you wouldn't be able to turn the steering wheel the way you're supposed to and it's just like it's happened way too much no no no no the trick is i triple quadruple wrap it around so it's just the crucifix is just barely hanging beneath gotcha that's that's what i nah man i'm letting the flag fly but in the meantime i'm just like like we're gonna die if we take a right-hand turn i do i'll use that as a segway to just talk about why i've got a flag for the quebec and a flag for canada behind me in the in the shot here and why i've got my new my new favorite mug which is i support truckers freedom convoy 2022 and if you can see that love it did you make it or did you just buy it no i just bought it i bought it online it just arrived today but the reason i bought the flags i bought those in real life the reason i buy and i have bigger ones too but the reason i bought those i'm going to ottawa i already talked to you about this but i'll just tell the audience i'm going to ottawa to support the truckers because i'm a white supremacist fascist uh misogynist racist whatever as justin trudeau claims so it's true when he saw me he said he said why are you bugging me again whitey and i was like did you see the joke about uh trudeau he said he should this is a joke but trudeau says oh the only reason they hate me is because i'm black right have you seen i haven't seen that you don't get the joke you don't get the joke is he super white no it's because he's worn blackface more times than he can remember he has yeah like they asked him in the parliament how many times have you worn blackface he's like i don't know more times than i can remember and there are photos that was serious yeah yeah check on the internet there are plenty of photos of him and blackface you ever noticed though that like it's always sunny in philadelphia they can wear black face and they just get away everybody's just like good good episode good and then other people do it they just i always want to know like what's why is it inappropriate for some people but then other people it's just like no we've good times like i don't know a real thing yeah um okay so i mean i only have two solid examples but i guess because because because everybody just thinks it's always sunny it's funny have you ever seen that show it's always sunny in philadelphia don't watch it but they they have several episodes where they um make uh sequels to the lethal weapon films and uh one of them has to wear blackface to obviously be one of the characters um and then uh the other thing i'm thinking of is a movie called tropic thunder and it's about a bunch of spoiled actors who um are making a movie together about the vietnam war and they get thrown into this actual dangerous situation but uh robert downey jr's character in it um is such a diva that to he he literally gets um reconstructive surgery and like pigmentation um uh uh i guess treatments to to make himself black to play the the character that he's supposed to play for this film and um it's it's outrageous i mean it's uh it's really good but i think that was like um and ben stiller directed that film but everybody was like yeah that was hilarious that was really good really good job i mean they were pointing out the absurdity of blackface but i mean still people can't even point the absurdity of something out by doing it without getting you know um heavily criticized so i'm i'm surprised that that film still exists and people still like they haven't gone after it you know i'm not politically correct and i've got some pretty strange views about racism but i don't have a problem with blackface i don't have i don't have a problem with someone like a 12 year old kid at the school play playing the hunchback and he puts all the stuff on his back and he's all hunched up and he's got the deformed face augmentation thing i don't have a problem with that it's like there are people with hunchback i feel bad for them like they're deformed i feel bad for them being black is not a deformity there's nothing wrong with it i'm not comparing like that but like uh if you want to have a school play about china i don't mind if they tape the eyes back like in the uh the slit eyes or whatever they call it like i don't think that's supposed to be the least controversial topic i just don't have a problem with it i don't have a problem with it if you want to be like the scarecrow from the wizard of oz and you dress up like a scarecrow i don't i'm not offended by that right you're not offended by anything you could be anything you want to be in the fantasy world of theater and whatever i mean hopefully it'll be a nice christian story with the christian morality and all this sort of thing that's that's more what i'm concerned about is like is it christian is this godly is this is this wholesome sure so yeah i just want to get off my chest well and all i mean there's obviously there's glaring inconsistencies too because clowns are still something that are like everybody's everybody's cool with clowns but no you know not many people realize that like clowns are actually a parody of irish people and so it's an irish face um you know like the red nose are you serious dead serious dude it's the it's the irish equivalent of blackface and people are like yeah clowns are cool but like i mean are you sure about that yeah i mean i mean we could do some quick googlings but um oh my god that is hilarious that is now i'm having to question myself but clowns are the irish irish face irishman's irish face that is hilarious with the big shoes the water squirting out of the flower let's see i believe you can you can send me the link you can send me the link later we'll see we'll see um but yeah you do know i'm a virus mostly of irish descent right and and and so our family is as well and no i didn't i just assumed that all canadians are french no no i'm not i'm not native to uh quebec at all i'm from the neighboring province of ontario where it's all protestant waspy types okay whiter than white english irish scottish welsh it's so you guys do have a melting melting pot and the what's the mosaic mosaic i'm yeah we say mosaic we say mosaic because we don't try to um dissolve someone's culture we this is what i learned we don't try to do like what they do in the states where they try to just sort of melt into the same pot what we do is we just have a mosaic so you've got little bits of color here you've got jewish neighborhood over there so that sounds bad right jewish neighborhood over there but they do call it the ghetto by the way they do call the jewish ghetto and then is it actually a ghetto or is it just oh it's just where they hang it it's just where they hang out i'm like it's like a rough spot where like they like rabbis come after you like in your money they they dominate the large parts of montreal different neighborhoods my land and uh i don't know the other the other parts uh amstead or something i don't know but uh no we've got like a little jamaican part we've got jamaican canadians yeah oh man i feel like they're far from home they're like they're freezing they're freezing to death like what a terrible trade-up like you could be in jamaica [Music] but uh so let me all right let me see if i got a back to the rosary i was gonna say let me see if i've got a a quote from yeah but you have to read it with your best jamaican accent okay oh yeah you don't want that yeah i'm not terrible yeah oh man uh it's not gonna happen you keep coming back on my show even though i can't keep making you feel uncomfortable about the whole race thing i know it wells up inside of me but i'm just like i'm just like i'm actually not that uncomfortable i'm a really inappropriate person you'll get used to you'll get used to it to hide my true colors um it's a race to the quotes who can come up with a juicy quote first yeah and all of mine really just tend around like what is the prayer itself and what does it give me so all right let's let's go through this because i think this is really this is really a cool um a cool part of the prayer and i will say that when i stumbled into a group of of uh elderly women the other week praying the rosary we were talking about another prayer devotion and i'm like oh yeah the apparently the promises associated with whatever this prayer devotion was are awesome and they're like oh we don't care about that and i was like that was the most baller like metal thing you could have just said like i said i just like the prayers and i'm like yeah you do i'm like give me the give me the candy though all right so so this is the 27th rose the benefits um so uh i should like to give you even more reason for embracing this devotion with so many great souls uh have practiced the rosary recited with meditation on the mysteries brings about the following marvelous results one it gradually gives us a perfect knowledge of jesus christ two it purifies our souls washing away sin three it gives us victory over all of our enemies four it makes it easy for us to practice virtue still waiting for that one uh five it sets us on fire with the love of our blessed lord six it enriches us with graces and merits and seven it supplies us with what is needed to pay all our debts to god and to our fellow man and finally it obtains all kinds of graces for us from almighty god those are not um different um in quality but they're different in content from like the traditional 15 promises of the rosary and so that's why they they fascinate me um i really love the first one a perfect knowledge of jesus christ which is like a really like that's kind of a fantastic claim yeah to say that like you could have perfect knowledge of jesus and uh um i'm interested to hear your take on that well it's because it's a compendium of the uh bible right as we discussed last time many yeah microcosm of the scriptures and you can dive in as deep as you want and as proud as you want i think that's what i that's my initial reaction to that bold claim the other thing is just like uh uniting to god all three persons through prayer i mean that's that should be a given i think i'm not there yet but no and neither am i but you know that is the that is the goal like if you read the great mystics who enter into contemplation and they have that you that you know mysterious union and uh they can't say much about it other than it's wonderful but um that's the goal okay well so for me i was thinking of it in terms of those things are all correct but i thought of it as like having perfect knowledge in a direct experiential way which is just as exciting and a little less analytical because i feel too i don't feel smart enough to like be able to study myself into a knowledge of god and i feel like that's how a lot of people like a lot of people are very heady and they like that approach um yeah but didn't i just say didn't i just say that the goal of all prayer is to have that mystical union yeah that can't be described by words like that's yeah that's a direct experience yeah the first things you said were through were through the bible you know and then through the mysteries which is awesome i'm not i'm not but immediately i just sloth that away because i'm just like just like oh that's too much work but and too artificial maybe in some ways maybe maybe but maybe not um because a lot of people you know but that's the thing too people don't show you they and it's not it's not exactly like that with the roads rather people don't don't direct the the practitioner of prayer how to go from um reading about to engaging with and so like when you're first when i first picked up the rosary and started um playing around with the mysteries um you know it was like a very straightforward from beginning to end the mystery had to start where the mystery started and then ended where the mystery ended and then i was like if i'm not doing it right then i'm not doing it right and it slowly changed from that to including myself in the mystery and participating in it in some way and then i and i stuck with that method for a long time and that didn't feel right after a while because it felt too artificial it felt good there were there were good moments of that but it also felt like oh you can be deceived through that method which you can and then for a long time it was and it's still kind of hovering in this spot to um uh where i would have the the mystery lightly veiled in the background as i'm praying the prayers i'm not i'm not intellectually trying to penetrate the mystery i'm not trying to um i'm not trying to think of it from start to finish it's almost kind of like just tasting it you know what i mean and then and then going forward with the prayers um and trying to meet god in real in real time and um trying to be conscious of the present moment because um that's not really spoken about too much in engaging with the prayers it's very much you need to focus on the hail mary and you need to focus on the meditation and um one is not more important than the other but you can't have one without the other and which is a good way to it's good to have those parameters in place but at some point those things kind of start to sloth off and like we become fluid in those parameters and kind of bounce between them and it doesn't have to be that's why i love de montfort but also also like i'm bothered by him because he's very much like you know very he's very hillary about everything you need to do this and if you don't then that's a sin and um you know more so than being sinful i would say it's just um ineffective it's it's ineffective if you're not um following certain certain parameters i don't think he ever says you're guilty of sin if you uh if you intentionally um are distracted or or careless but like the parameters he sets up is if you don't follow his his uh his methodology then you're being careless or being he doesn't have one methodology that's the thing no he doesn't no but um but it's always very clear that you you need to be you need to be focusing full attention at all times which i think um what is attention what is what is um what is focus um if i'm not paying attention to the hail mary and i'm kind of um i if i'm saying it if i'm praying it um but i'm not like hanging on to every word and i have the um meditation lightly held in my head but sometimes floating away from it kind of going back to my words but not really not gripping onto everything you know like yeah just kind of like huh being peaceful with it um one might look at that and say well that's being too laxed that's not that's that's too um too namby pam but you need to be really focusing your mind on that and i would say well maybe no you you don't you don't you don't have to do that in fact um gripping it up too much is like lenny and the rabbit you're going to kill the rabbit you need to take a step back and and just sit inside of it and notice and notice things you don't have to be so so um you know uh so heavy-handed yeah yeah i i i was listening to you uh sort of talk about the pros and cons of the different sort of levels of intensity and how you can just soak it in and all that sort of thing it uh brought to mind um one of the most fruitful approaches that i've discovered for myself is making it because of because i'm very self-centered i make it about me and my salvation it's like okay what like there's sin and there's grace like i can either say yes to grace and no to sin or yes to sin and no to grace like there's no in between right but it can fluctuate during a course of a given day i can say yes to grace now and then later say yes to sin whatever this it's a mixed bag moment to moment but my point is the objective for me is to get to heaven and to for god's sake because god is good not because i fear hell that's the ultimate uh you know that's the objective of your prayer or your no my whole life my whole existence yeah existence right so when i pray the rosary one thing that helps me focus is my eternal soul is on the line here i'm praying not for fun and not to just check off the checklist that i did it i'm praying as part of my walk with god and it's going to help me get to heaven and so what helps keep me focused is not only the like is it's that thing with the decalogue again it's with the ten commandments where i i say look i'm violating all ten commands because if you violate one iota you violate all ten commandments so i'm you know i'm i'm a sinner okay number one so uh what am i depriving myself of with the enunciation what am i depriving myself of and i place myself mystically that you know i'm not in space and time now in prayer so i'm not in space and time so i can go right there mary and the angel and the annunciation and uh what am i depriving myself of by choosing selfish pleasure and sin over grace can i ask a question yeah do you assign that an image or do you just um i don't okay i don't assign it an image but i have an image because one of the first the first church i came into was a monastery and they had a big painting of the annunciation oh cool uh am i mistaken or no okay they had a big family no they had a big painting of the visitation but i have in my mind another painting i don't know where i saw this painting it's a famous painting of the annunciation where she's just kneeling uh i was told by one of the great saints that she was sitting or standing at the enunciation she definitely was not kneeling at the enunciation but i have an image of her kneeling in my head because it comes from this famous medieval painting which i'm sure you've seen uh i have an image of her mary kneeling at the annunciation but a great saint i forget which one maybe maybe uh saint alphonsus leguix i'm reading him all the time uh said she would either be standing because she's a queen or sitting because she's a queen she would not be kneeling because she's the queen of the angel so when the angel comes she's not kneeling before the angel that's what i don't know why but i like the idea of her sitting yeah i like the idea of like being receptive of being like open to god and like taking it in because i'm so because i'm so aggressive with everything you i like the i yeah um like i'll just i'll wear everything down to the nub and um so like with prayer that's probably where my methodology comes through like i love to get so into something that it undefines it becomes undefined so when i was really into yoga i was so in love with it that i jumped deep into my practice into my asana practice and it's there were certain points when i'm like i'm like i what i thought i knew about yoga was just so wrong and i'm like i have no idea what yoga even is as i was continuing the practice and as as weird as a place that was that was to be in there it was it was also really cool because i was like wow this is so neat that i get to love something to such a depth that i get to like we always set up like a definition for something but you jump so far deep into it that you're like wow no those those bad stuff doesn't even begin to describe whatever this is and that's how prayer has been for me where it's like you do such a deep dive into it that it's like it starts to undefine itself and those parameters start to sloth off and you see how they're necessary but they're not necessary at certain at certain points you have to start you have to start somewhere like there is a physicality to yoga you have to start in that physicality before you you know can get to any kind of depth and it's the same thing with prayer in fact it's i mean not even a comparison prayer is the ultimate it's communication it's it's union with god but um like to to to set up those parameters and then to deep dive into them and to have them slough off at some point it's like you know that's that's my goal when i'm when i'm in in prayer and i don't know if i've gotten there yet but i've definitely gotten into the rosary to a degree where um you know like what you're describing with the annunciation um there's the that kind of mystical transportation where you just uh uh you know you're outside of you're outside of time and space and it's um very freeing very nice but keep i i also interrupted you oh no no no no about the no i really want to know though because um well i was using the annunciation just as an example um no particular reason just because it's the first one or whatever but um the idea is with a pleasant mystery and 10 or 15 of the 20 are pleasant right you've got the five sorrowful and the rest are pleasant i'm sick man i think that the i think the sorrowful mysteries are the most pleasant of all because jesus is just such a man yeah he's just like he's my man he's just like such a burly dude and i'm like i'm like i just cheer him on but the the the i i make a sharp delineation and a distinction between the sorrowful and all the rest okay because because of this approach that i have where it's about me and my salvation with my sin and my uh sin and grace okay so um with a sore full it's very easy it's like i'm torturing jesus i'm crowning jesus with thorns i'm burdening him with the cross i'm nailing him to the cross whatever it's like it's easy okay it's like my sin did this to him and my sins even now like if i sin tomorrow it's going to be contributing back 2000 years ago to his suffering okay so um that's easy but the other category is the pleasant things the enunciation and all these sorts of uh good good mysteries uh joyful and luminous and glorious um what am i depriving myself of when i choose sin i'm depriving myself of a witness to that i'm depriving myself of proximity spiritually to that appreciation of that so if there's going to be a crowd trying to like move up and get closer to the enunciation right mystically back 2000 years ago like am i gonna have a seat or a place close to that scene or far from that scene well it depends on my purity and my holiness and uh how much i love god and these sorts of things so there's an incentive that's the carrot right like the carrot is you're depriving yourself of this like hey do you want it do you want to have a front row seat at the enunciation then say yes to grace and no to sin and it's the same with all of what i call the pleasant mysteries and then with the uh sorrowful like i already said like hey do you want to be the one that's contributing like how much do you want to contribute you've already contributed a lot to his suffering do you really want to contribute more so that those are the sort of two modes that i have and uh the sorrowful are my favorite because it's just a lot easier it's a lot i prefer the stick for myself to the carrot okay i prefer the stick because it's more dramatic it's more obvious like it's obvious like no no no no don't don't ever sin again not even venial sin it's just more obvious whereas if it's the carrot it's like oh well if i'm not front and center in the front row watching all these scenes mystically uh whatever you know but uh do i want to hurt my lord and savior jesus christ no i don't on paper in theory the other thing i wanted to mention just quickly before i let you respond is uh about the boyfriend girlfriend thing where it's like oh uh my boyfriend he went to harvard and he's got his own law firm and he's got a nice house he's got a nice car and his family is the best family in town and his father's the mayor and our kids are the best whatever like this sort of thing where you've got a checklist for your for your lover your spouse whatever it is that's one way of measuring happiness in marriage the other way is what do you like about your husband i don't know i mean i just love him i love looking at his face and look staring into his eyes i like how he holds me i like his i like how he smells i like like his presence i like when he's there i just like when he's there what do you talk about i don't know we just we don't say much it's just it's a different kind of vibe rather than like check check check check check like wow look at what my husband is and i'm using this analogy uh to our relationship with god with jesus christ with the with all three members of the trinity um because the academic intellectual checklist approach is obviously inferior to that mysterious organic i don't know what it is i don't know who he is i don't know it's a mystery you know god's a mystery and that includes the divine nature of christ that's a mystery even the human nature of christ is a mystery even my own human nature the human nature of my wife the human nature of my family members friends enemies they're it's just very mysterious you know it's infinitely exciting and interesting and so that's why i prefer the organic mystical mysterious approach to romantic relationships rather than quantifying so i guess it comes down to what it comes down to in romantic relationships and in religion is quality over quantity right right yeah and the rosary kind of serves as a lens or like a prism to look at jesus through and um essentially i just think of it as like borrowing mary's person or whichever saint you want and then entering through them to look at jesus and gain perspective and quality time which is also very convenient because you know um in an act of humility it's like well i am a heap of garbage uh literally you know sinning as i'm praying the rosary you know pulled up one day to work and i uh put my my car into reverse and got my rotary stuck in the gear shifter my god [ __ ] and i'm like naughty not even realizing that i'm like oh yeah that had to laugh i'm like sorry you know um yeah but you know and then there's this strong temptation to feel like really guilty about that and it's just like well you know what at least you're praying enough to be praying while you're sinning you know what was sinful about it just the language just the language wasn't nice yeah oh my god if you're holding me to that higher standard i'm screwed dude well that's very mild considering but the whole thing is is that it's like prayer time like it's always kind of like there needs to be this kind of sacredness and not that i don't ever go to god and swear because i do i do that all the time you know i'm just like oh um um because it wouldn't be it would be kind of dishonest you know to not like just say how i'm so there's the goody good goody goody version of you during prayer time and then the raunchy version of you no because the the raunchy version always comes out during prayer subconsciously too and then i kind of sometimes it's kind of the point where i just like laugh at certain things that just like pop up into my head i'm like oh that's horrible i'm like well okay that's cool whatever because you can't like um you can't like hide you know you can't hide it so um and it's also just like it's also so clearly an attack of satan it's so it's so transparent it's just like think about this person and it's just like okay actually the the most shameful moments that i've been having during prayer lately are are anger you know or because it's it's um or or um it's not it's not anything sexual but i mean and then sometimes the sexual is so shocking that it does manage to make me go oh no stop but but most of the time it's just you know like oh that's just satan again um what are you angry about i can't really remember off the top of my head i just know that there's like stuff at work and you know just like random stuff where i'm just like aggravation yeah or not being nice to somebody and then i'm like rosary i'm like you know i'm gonna put a hand i'm just like you're just being a total douche bag to that person why don't you like and then you just have no problem just like whipping out your you know uh your rosary and and like saying a couple prayers without thinking like you were just being really really unloving and very sinful and now you're just gonna like chat with god and again you should be able to just chat with god whenever but also keep in mind um that like you know like in the reading last week with isaiah you know like i i'm an unholy man i like i need that coal to be touched to my mouth and that's what the rosary essentially is but i need to be i need to be cognizant of that connection so i need that moment of realization um to like come in and say like just remember that you were being really awful and that you that you need to you need to take that and and you better you better be contri you better find some contrition in there and you you know or you better ask for it because that's not that those are not compatible um in you know in the end but uh there's something else i wanted to say to you but i can't remember time's up time's up gotta go no just kidding but um i do i do uh remember this week was it this week yeah this week i did i did a bit of a mess up i messed up at work i did a pretty stupid thing which was through negligence and it cost the company some money and uh i felt bad and i was on the road going back to the shop and i'm like what am i gonna say and instantly i had all these lies like these perfect lies that would cover my ass so to speak it's like this is the perfect lie and i wasn't i wasn't saying okay david make up a lie it's just it was just flooding in my head like this will cover it up this will cover it up this is like this would be a good excuse this is a good excuse and i had all this like brilliant ideas coming from god knows where and i just prayed to god at that moment i reached out and touched the rosary that's hanging from the rear view mirror of every vehicle and i just said help me to be humble and make a good confession to my boss an honest confession to my boss about what really happened that's all right so i didn't really listen to the chatter in my head like hey here's here's how you can get away with it here's how you can do it right and they were brilliant ideas like this was like wow um but i just it doesn't make you think like was that david or oh yeah constantly constantly i mean in my life it's a constant thing like it's like okay there's there's part of it is like well i know how i used to be like i when i was not striving to be honest i know that i enjoy lying it's fun to lie i'm good at lying and all this sort of things so i know that part of it comes from me but even that i was being fueled by satan and his lies right like obviously it didn't come from god and uh i mean am i gonna take credit like i'm a genius liar like no it's more humble to say at least part of it came from satan so it's the same thing today it's like i mean uh i'm still flooded with ideas you know images like hopeful thankfully lately the demonic attacks have stopped with all the sexual imagery and all the perverted sex and violence stuff but they're still i'm still susceptible to like making excuses if i do something wrong or whatever like and i just that that example at work this week where i just made a simple prayer to god like just help me make a good confession and then when i saw my boss right away i just told him there was no anxiety i just told him it's in god's hands whatever happens right and i said you know i'll pay the damages whatever it was that i caused like the company or whatever it was and i won't go into details what i did it was just a stupid mistake just negligence okay but um he right away just said don't worry about it [ __ ] happens and uh no big deal no big deal this has happened before to other people and it's not the first time it's not a big deal right and then and then my supervisor came in and uh i told him one-on-one the same thing and he said no no no don't worry about it just try to be more careful in the future that's it so just denounce your faith and get rid of all the rosaries no but i uh the point of the story is that um i felt bad i felt really bad and guilty and then i had these lies coming to my head how do i lie how do i lie i wasn't seeking it but it was just coming into my head but i made the prayer and i said i'm just going to confess it simply and honestly and then i felt better like i mean this is just psychology one-on-one and this is not advanced the story that i'm telling you is like everyone can relate to it but it's very powerful even though it's simple it's very powerful in terms of like how we should live we should live like honest simple people and not get caught up in the sophistication of adults how we're always covering our tracks and and lying in this sort of thing it's just so it's so liberating ironic it's liberated because it's actually very child like it's it's such a to like backtrack into like oh my god it already starts like doing the work for you and then you you and then if you're if you're not self-aware enough you can start feeling guilty for having those thoughts where you're just like yeah you know and uh it's like hold on you didn't agree to anything yeah yeah exactly you can step back and do all the right stuff like you don't have to engage with this but you can even appreciate the genius of the ideas like i said i was just like wow right these are good ideas like yeah good ones i'm just not i'm just not interested in going down that path right but uh yeah so i think that's part of the spiritual journey is learning to like you you always talk about this distancing yourself from from the suggestions and all that you've talked about that a lot well i have my uncle mark to thank with all of that because i like a couple years ago i came to him with something really personal and i i said what it was and he thought it was the most hilarious thing in the entire world and i was it was something i held just so like lodged in me deep deep shame and he was just like that's hilarious that's amazing and like he was just like oh that's great i mean he he nearly pissed his pants with laughter and it was so nice to hear somebody not only like accept me but also say like that's that's funny and but he he's also a self self aware very self aware person catholic um has his own struggles um knows what it's like to feel pain knows what it's like to deal with constant pain um and uh and he's always been somebody i can reach out to and say like hey man i did this and he's just like yeah we've opened the and like uh you know can give like a slight perspective shift on it um but uh that's where that that ability to distance kind of comes from because it's like yo i don't know do you have a couple people in your mind where you're like how would this like where you can respond in their absence you know like d um because i i kind of do that now where if mark isn't there which he's always a text message away i can just say what would how would mark respond to this or there's another person that's a nurse that i work with her name's amy and she's brilliant and it's uh like if there's a situation going on it's what would amy say about this and i mean i know that they're obviously not real in my mind but like you know if if invisible mark or amy says don't worry about it then i have this permission to just you know put distance between me and whatever that is and because i'm a [ __ ] i'm always giving myself permission uh i'm always they're always very gentle in my head so uh it's been really beneficial it's been more beneficial than it has been harmful so i don't really have that i don't have that unfortunately um real life friends you know really i'm not a real boy david so i have to have i have to have people in my head uh represent aspects of my conscience that say yes and no well it would be nice i mean it would be nice to have that i just don't have i just don't have much of a social life unfortunately um but i do have you know i do have uh i don't want to brag but i do have christ in the saints right i think we all have that we all have that right we all have that so we do and we have them in real time but the way that we experience them is so different than like you know this like if somebody told me i could have this with jesus just once i would be like you know that would be yeah yeah yeah the ultimate so i do think about that you know like if i were a disciple or oh my god that would be funny but um you know if i were there back in the day when jesus walked the earth and like uh what would i say how would i react would i be like put off by his astonishing counter-intuitive response to absolutely everything that i proposed like saint you know available those are the moments you know uh that are really important when you come up to somebody and you think you've really messed up and to have jesus tell you you're off the hook that's like i mean that's what confession is um yeah and i've always actually i always i have i'm very blessed with confession because i almost always walk away from confession feeling just like the weight of the world was like ripped off my shoulders yeah by god himself yeah do you feel do you feel um yeah do you feel that form of grace with with yeah especially especially if i'm aware of a burden of sin when i go into the confessional which uh i have you know uh over the past two years like i said i've been more uh messed up so yeah i've been appreciating it more and that just the breath and the life and the light and the just the walking on air and singing and dancing and audio you know um but you know during the i was just like doing pretty well and my devotions in my my my walk with god was a little bit more stable during the first 10 years of my conversion uh a lot of time in the confession it was like a battle like with the priest like no like i i i i'm here for a good reason i'm not wasting your time like yes this is a sin and whatever like sort of like dealing with priests who are like kind of disappointed that i'm not bringing them something bigger you know what i mean right that feeling like why and i've even had a priest say to me why are you wasting your time coming to confession all the time why like it's a nice day out shouldn't you be out enjoying life and whatever i'm like so that was my should be smoking a crack yeah they're a bunch of free new crack bites being handed out i heard but um that was sort of my frustration for the first 10 years when i was sort of like had a lot of grace and then the past two years god's been sort of like saying what can you do right like here you take the wheel david let's see how you can do he's like still still a disgusting worm and a miserable sinner okay so how about you take the wheel again he he doesn't do that with me because he knows he's just like well if we do that to aiden he's so stupid yeah it's gonna immediately blow up so it's gonna be the second coming right away i do that's why i literally um like uh i i cling i just like cling on to mary i'm just like dude like like nothing i've told jesus before i'm like i don't care what i've done i'm always going to turn back to you always and it's kind of creepy because it's just like like stage level 5 clinger kind of attitude but it's kind of like i've got no other choice don't you dare don't you dare leave me and it's like well that's good you know on on you know one level it's like sure my spirituality is like [ __ ] to a certain level and it's never going to go past that but whatever i'm like i will cling onto his robes you know at the second coming and i'm like you're not setting me anywhere i can't i'm too pathetic please like but the perspective i have on that that imagery which is very powerful it's like a cartoon image of this little troll this creepy stinky troll clinging on to jesus but perfect um but the mystical image that i have right away and from god's point of view it's like there's the fairy tale before and after it's like yeah the frog is gonna be a prince like we know that we know we know that the frog is really prince inside we know that so that's why when you're acknowledging your frog like demonic shape and form and stench and everything you have to you have to remind yourself that you are a prince you are a child of god you're the prince right you're the king's kid and it's just the dragon has turned you into a frog like that's that's the classic fairy tale so it gives it a little bit of a light-hearted touch your journey and the grotesqueness of your vile ways and all that sort of thing it gives it a nice comedic touch it's serious it's very very serious but as long as it's the seriousness that that is the glue that makes you stick to your lord and savior so i mean it's win-win so long as you remember that the that there's a happy ending to this fairy tale i think it's pretty easy right easy to remember that i mean uh despair is when you forget what salvation history is and it's accomplished it has been accomplished salvation history has been accomplished so this is like we are [ __ ] because it's so easy it is so easy and this is what saint alphonsus grey talks about day after day after day after day when i'm reading him it's like it is so easy you go to the sacraments and you receive them in a worthy manner and you pray constantly just keep praying and going into sacraments it's easy it's easy okay and if god forbid you end up burning in hell what are you gonna be scourging yourself and complaining about you're going to be complaining that it was so easy and i didn't avail myself for the sacraments i didn't avail myself of prayer and it was so easy that's what we need to remember and that it's been accomplished we know how the story goes we know how it plays out and we know the good guys and the bad guys and uh we know which side we want to be on it's like it's too easy so when i feel despair when i feel like i'm too gross to go to heaven or whatever i just have to remind myself big picture big picture like it's i know the story i know the beginning i know the middle and i know the end it's a happy ending so let's let's celebrate let's be joyful do you agree yeah well i actually i i can't get off the frog image have you ever uh were you a simpsons fan no no okay so there they there was an episode of treehouse of horror um they had like special halloween episodes and one of them parodied harry potter and bart tries to turn um uh a frog into a prince okay and instead of turning the frog into a prince it just bloats him into this like half man half frog who is constantly vomiting and saying please kill me every moment i live his agony and he's just it's so disturbing it's horrible but i'm just like not only am i a frog i'm you're that bro it's tragic but it is it's um and so we're just so pathetic that it's just like you know you have to you have to laugh at it because if you don't you would despair um and then you just continually reorient yourself just continually turn back you know to the lord and know that he's merciful and i think that's why um and i'm not big on the divine mercy prayer personally i love it but i don't use it very much but that's why i think and especially divine mercy sunday i think that those those those avenues are so important because they show the excess mercy of god just the gratuitous nature of his mercy and um it's like uh you know if god desires for everybody to go to heaven there's nothing to worry about there's nothing to there's nothing to worry about if you're constantly turning in his direction despite the you know the slop that i have all over me yeah uh i remember talking with you in i don't know when it was maybe a month or two ago and uh i talked about we were talking about uh the i was expressing some confusion and doubt about the suffering and death of christ the vicarious atonement this sort of thing i know if you remember that but i've had a little breakthrough because of saint alphonsus liguria i'm reading his collected works um the breakthrough i had because he emphasizes the same points over and over and over and over again and i finally realized why christ was tortured so grievously and why he died in such a disgusting manner i finally realized thanks to saint alphonsus why that is it's all about the ultimate um i mean this is going to sound obvious to any christian okay but i finally like sort of got it it's like he didn't need to do that he could as we all know he could have just said a little prayer he could have shed one drop of blood from his finger he didn't need to go through all the passion right and i never could figure out why he did that and some protestant sects say oh it's the wrath of god and the wrath of god and the wrath of god and i've heard other protestants saying no that's not very christian that's not very nice like we can't we can't paint it that way but saint alphonsus leguia paints it in the nicest way possible i think that i've heard and i'm sure it's very well known uh sort of approach among all the saints but it's just the excess of love it's like but the the key the key that i understood i finally understood is it's a one-on-one relationship jesus and myself are jesus with you jesus with everyone and it's kind of like he's bending over backwards like making sure like do you understand that i love you like do you didn't get it right do you get it like it's like right it's he's reaching right to the bottom of the barrel to the lowest scumbag the mo the most hateful selfish sinner right to scraping the bottom of the barrel and he's saying to that person who's probably me you know do you get it like i love you and i not only would do would not only could i and would i suffer everything for you i did i did i did it for you you know so i finally kind of understand now um it's i have a comfort level now that i didn't really have before uh with that whole bloody mess because it is ugly and it is ridiculous and i understand the enemies of christ mocking and ridiculing our religion um when they look at the son of god and how he was tortured and killed i i understand i can sympathize with that it's absurd it is absurd but that's the that's the thing about love right it's it it's it's not rational it's not it's it's not irrational but it's not it doesn't make sense except to the beloved like the lover and the love the beloved it's just like a it's like a secret sort of thing and you have to enter into it you have to be it has to be personal otherwise it's just it's just nonsense it's like what saint paul says you know the foolishness of god and it's a stumbling stone for the greeks and whatever like i mean uh it's it's many many things the passion and death of christ but until you're there until you're there as the recipient of that love and you sort of are one-on-one getting the message like hey are you saving you yet are you yeah you know you getting my message here so uh yeah that was a little mini breakthrough i had the this week that's really awesome i mean when you take something you take like a little nugget of truth that you know quote from a saint or a bible verse or a mystery and you start playing with it it's easy to agree with whatever that truth is at first just to acquiesce to it and say like yeah that's really you know but to really like jump into the depths of it um it has to like stay with you for a really long period of time and it sounds like you got to a point with with that where you got to a point of unknowing where you're like uh i don't understand this anymore because i'm sure when you first converted you're like yeah i get the passion i like i can you know i get god's love notes the cole's notes uh version christ loves you jesus loves me yes i know for the father told me so whatever yeah and but i mean which it's good you have to start at the beginning and you have to be able to start at the basic but then you get to that point where you're like you start to doubt it and that's just another way of like cracking it open and knowing it more but um which sounds like he came out on that side but i i was talking to my my uncle the other week about this and i shot him a text message and i was like do you think that the passion of jesus was like a representation of god's arrows like an erotic form of love for man and his response was just a simple no which i love i'm like okay all right that's your opinion uh but but um i i wondered always like why is it why is the word passion used like and i wonder that as a kid too why is it called christ's passion why did jesus experience like why is it the passion like like if you think about it if like that's how you express passion towards somebody to like basically be flagellated to death and mocked and then made to carry your instrument of death you know to that location that's like that's kind of sadistic and that's like the weirdest expression of love ever but the more that i deep dive into those mysteries it's like oh yes it is a it is an expression of a deep personal um not ironic in the you know sexual sense but like erotic in the sense of um intimacy and union yes and and like pursual like like like yeah and so um um so he he didn't have to do any of that but god is a passionate lover and he did and um that's how he chose to to show us and like you're saying scraping the bottom of the barrel and for somebody who's very scrupulous like myself i would need i would need that that's one of the reasons why i don't think krishna is god you know krishna got shot with an arrow you know he came as god incarnate and then hunter accidentally killed him with an arrow and it's like who cares jesus like like okay god was accidentally killed in a hunting act so god was bambi right but like you know god you know jesus literally degraded himself to the form of an infant was born into ridiculous poverty grew up um in one of the lowest trades possible uh then lived homeless for um years during his ministry and then was you know um uh beaten cruelly um mercilessly by a group of um uh what's the word i'm looking for um christians always get accused of it um uh hypocrites that's the word i'm looking for you know killed by a group of hypocrites uh and it's like like can you like if you really just stop to think about that like god literally like you said scraped the very bottom of the barrel just to say i love all of you and i want all of you with me and uh yeah well i always i always like to emphasize the one-on-one thing it's like you aiden you you you it's like it's all about you and god you can let liz you can let your brother know i forgot your brother's name now uh that doesn't matter just call him just just call him jennifer you can let jennifer know i love searching my memory for names i love that that's my favorite thing to do what was that guy's name i love searching like what was his name what was his name i love that it's just so much fun i like it better if you'd call him uh jennifer lisney jennifer lisney okay the sister you never had that's right he's uh he's gender fluid now so if you can um yeah on any given day i want to i want to change the topic not because i'm uncomfortable with jennifer but because a friend of a good friend of mine a good friend of mine was like uh [Music] challenging me i didn't have time to response i was on my way out the door from his house but he's like come on david you can't be god and man you can't know everything and then you know be worried about your upcoming crucifixion you can't have both let's pick one like what's it gonna be are you gonna be god okay then you know everything and you can never be hurt if you're gonna be crucified and you're scared about it you don't know like you're worried about it then you're not god you can't be both you can't have both so let's just pick one that's what christianity uh he was basically saying that's why christianity doesn't make any sense so i didn't have a chance to answer because i was on my way out the door and i didn't want to like it was like three in the morning i didn't want to stay until six in the morning so um you know i think i don't have a problem i don't have a problem with the mystery of uh the incarnation like the the story but the incarnation's a mystery you're not gonna understand it sorry the trinity's a mystery you're not going to understand it sorry great okay i'm comfortable with that i'm also comfortable with the fact that christ had two natures human and divine two wills human and divine and that his human will was perfectly subject to the divine will and uh you know i find it actually helpful rather than saying well because you know when i first joined christianity i didn't believe it but my i was talking with my monk and i said basically the same thing it's like that's not fair because i mean oh yeah he sweat blood and he was so scared of the crucifixion but he knew he knew the end story he knew the end he knew the right but what i soon came to understand as i entered into christianity and came to accept it is that the whole point is to enter into the life of christ kill the old man right the insecure me the stupid me the one who's bound for hell because of my sins kill that one and not i that live but christ who lives in me and so now everything christ has i have everything christ has i have so yes i'm scared of pain yes i'm annoyed by inconvenience yes i you know i'd be more comfortable in five-star hotel than in some small cold damp manger yes but i also know the end of the story i know the happy ending it awaits me there's no difference there's no difference and i have a human will yes but i also know that if i align myself with god's will it's all good i'm gonna get through i'm gonna pass through the passion so i didn't have a chance to explain that to him but do you think that's a sort of good cole's notes version of explaining why it's not cheating god wasn't cheating when he incarnated and he pretended he wasn't pretending to be scared of suffering he really was because he really had a human nature does that make sense yeah but i also it does uh now it always raises more questions i think he is kind of thinking in terms of i think he's confusing with other arguments um similar to like could god make a round like a a round square or or a circular square or or can god make a burrito yeah like can you make a burrito so big he can't even eat it himself like see god can't make a burger so big that he himself can't eat it because it's a contradiction whatever um so i guess the it's an apparent contradiction that god can't be god and man at the same time um but i always wondered if there was a willfulness a willingness to abandon certain aspects of himself during points of suffering yeah yeah as unity with with us that's that's dogma yeah okay so yeah i should probably read more about my faith um but like i could be wrong correct me if i'm wrong but i think no i i would i would imagine that would be correct but so like i the the yoga teacher that i learned from um he was garbage bikram um he used to sit up on his little throne and used to say stuff like jesus was a yogi and uh he did not experience any pain when he went through the crucifixion because he practiced all the yoga principles and i was like that's that's garbage absolute garbage if jesus didn't experience pain um during his his his passion um and death then what would it have meant it would have just been like you know like a play that he was acting out it didn't it it would it would be void of any kind of meaning and i would have no connection to it because it's you know and that's kind of what this dude is is kind of getting at like well jesus couldn't really feel pain and i went through that too it were where it's just like well god suffered and i'm just like yeah but he was god so it doesn't count because he was god and god can do anything and it's like um yeah but but he didn't have to and and he condescended you know to that level to do stuff so spend more time with it so i get where your your friend is is coming to but if god literally is all-powerful which he is um then he can do whatever he wants and you kind of have to take a a step of faith and into the direction of um he would will his own suffering in that in that circumstance for solidarity for the sake of of uniting himself with humanity um otherwise the externals would be bull they just wouldn't mean anything okay the other thing to contemplate uh um you know i'm just saying this as a general statement whoever's listening is that there's a direct connection and correlation between the amount of sin in the world from the beginning to the end that the total amount of sin and the amount of suffering it's a direct proportion it's like if let's imagine adam and eve adam and eve fell from grace they fell from grace yes they did but they were more success successful in cooperating with the graces of god and they repented and had they they were able to cooperate to the extent that they had more perfect contrition and they struggled with uh their children to make them have more you know be more open to grace and more cooperative with grace and they told two friends and they told two friends and so on and so forth and then you know five thousand years later however however old the universe is now six thousand years seven thousand years whatever it is um there's just less sin this is like sort of like a fantasy story of how it could have been after the fall there could have been less sin depending on how adam and eve and their children and their children's children cooperated with the gracious they were given there could have been less sin just like there could have been more sin and the passion would have been different it would have been more or less painful for jesus christ for the god man jesus christ it's important to think about that why because it's not just oh jesus suffered a lot and then it's disconnected from today with our war with our corruption with our lives with our all this stuff that's going on today and with our own personal contribution to the wounding of christ right like i think it's always very very important to be mystically connected god's outside of time and in our faith in our spiritual life we are also free to connect the dots outside of time and say no i will not sin again not even a venial sin because i know that that's contributing to the suffering of my lord and savior jesus christ it's not a story it's not like uh um just some something like a trick to help me to sin less it's a real fact that the more i sin the more christ suffered right i'm gonna have to spend some time with that because that's good you do believe it though right oh yeah absolutely i just it's one of those things that um it's always been there but i never picked it up and really examined it the way that i should have just because um you know i'm so easily distracted and like it's not obvious it's something to meditate on something to meditate definitely yeah and so i'm gonna i'm gonna take that the the godless heathen will say well that doesn't make any sense because the amount of suffering is already fixed in time jesus christ suffered x amount and there's nothing you do there's nothing he can do free will or not there's nothing you can do that's ever going to change the amount that jesus christ suffered and that is true but the myst the thing that the godless heathen are forgetting is that god's outside of time and he saw all the free choices that we would each make and that's how much christ had to suffer right well that's why i like the i like the sorrowful mysteries because i like the idea that the more that i contemplate those the more comfort i give him yeah i i'm mystically you know therefore yeah in those moments so i always wonder like i wonder if jesus was chilling out in the garden and by chilling out i mean suffering profusely and sweating blood um which lately by the way the image in my mind has just been him there crucified in soul basically just which is like essentially what he was experiencing and most mystics say that that was the worst smallest worst moment yeah and so part of me wants to know like is he like thank you you know like is he there and like thank you david thank you for thinking about like thank you oh yeah for sure for sure for sure for sure for sure for sure for sure it's real it's real right we can be there for him we can't be there with him and the other thing i want you i want to give you another golden nugget that uh comes from my own personal experience with the rosary which is um this is really exciting i want you to i want you to use this if you can anyway anyone listening i want you to use this um you know one of my favorite things is like for example the scourging at the pillar okay i think that in terms of like physical pain and whatever that's also pretty devastating and of course it's all about the spiritual thing the betrayal and how we betrayed jesus and all that sort of thing but even his best buds were totally asleep and but take any of the take take any of his suffering uh during the uh the sorrowful mysteries and when you're meditating when you're doing a rosary on the swordfill mystery just not only are you there for him so that like you know he's being comforted in that moment 2000 years ago but he's also what i think is being transported into like here i am in my my little room here i got my prayer shrine here he comes into my body and he is like wow this is this is amazing compared to being strapped to that pillar being uh you know scourged it's like a little mini break that i'm giving him right it's like you know these language exchange students like okay you go to germany and i send my kids over to your family in the usa or whatever it is um it's like a little exchange program so i give jesus a chance to come into my little office here for a few moments or minutes or whatever it is and just take a little break you know so it's like a real exchange like he really is here with me instead of feeling the pain over there i like that so it's like it's like a real vacation that i give him that that actually reminds me of a quote that i've been like stuck on and i'm actually going to shout out to my uncle mark again wow because he just uh he bought me this book um it's called a rocking horse catholic by carol houselander who was an english mystic okay and um she had a couple of mystical experiences um and one of these which i'm about to read to you was on a russian or not a russian it was on an underground train sorry i'm like reading one of the words actually here um all sorts of people jostled together sitting in strap hanging workers of every description going home at the end of the day quite suddenly i saw with my mind but as vividly as a wonderful picture christ in them all but i saw more than that not only was christ in every one of them living in them dying in them rejoicing in them sorrowing in them but because he was in them and because they were here the whole world was here too all those people who had lived in the past and all those yet to come i came out into the street and walked for a long time in the crowds it was the same here on every side in every passerby everywhere christ i had long been haunted by the russian concept of the humiliated christ the lame christ limping through russia begging his bread the christ who all through the ages might return to the earth and come even to sinners to win their compassion by his need now in the flash of a second i knew that this dream is a fact christ in humankind i saw to the reference that everyone must have for a sinner instead of condoning his or her sin which is in reality their utmost sorrow one must comfort christ who is suffering in them and this reverence must be paid even to those sinners whose souls seem to be dead because it is christ who is the life of the soul who is dead in them they are his tombs and christ in the tomb is potentially the risen christ oh wow i got chills which is so like that's so bad you know the idea that like like what you're saying like there's a moment in time that like he is you know not pulled because he comes but you know he's invited he's invited he's invited you know um and then it's there and then like completely corroborated in like every human being whether or not they know it you know there is this aspect of jesus living dying being born et cetera et cetera um can you imagine a a real human non-divine person soldier that's in a really disgusting war over some some country right now or in the past world war one whatever you want to picture it's a man suffering the horrors of war okay and he hasn't slept he hasn't eaten he hasn't had water his feet are wet it's just there's the noise there's the danger it's just a bloody mess and he's seen people die his friends his enemies everyone's dying and he's all in danger of death all the time okay it's a stressful situation it's not very pleasant and there are plenty of examples of that throughout history okay now imagine a new service like a new trend that comes on instead of the metaverse we have this thing where we can have we figured out that we can give that guy a little time share in your crappy life and then just imagine now how much you would appreciate your life when you think oh my job sucks oh my wife is annoying but just imagine you're going to say oh my wife is sleeping with someone else no but just imagine just imagine now just imagine you're doing this timeshare thing right and you just realize wow like what i'm giving this guy is pretty good like i mean right it's like i got i i walk in three meters that way i've got a little faucet i can open there's like clean drinking water i walk another two feet there's like a fridge with food in it you know i got a roof over my head the temperature is pretty livable like i mean it's just like not in canada but that's okay no but you know what i mean it's like hold on now why am i complaining about how crappy my life is again it's like if i do this time share with this guy that's in the in the thick of a really crappy situation or a child that's that's being abused by his uncle or whatever it is you're doing a time share then you suddenly have an appreciation wow i'm giving this kid a pretty good pretty good time sure you know you know my dad is a big proponent in talking to the lord and saying um take something that i'm suffering today and whatever you won't allow me to experience with relief can you give that to somebody else who's out there who can can take the suffering and use that as a form of relief from whatever their suffering is and um so he doesn't have the visual of like whatever their suffering is but he knows he says meaning well god is so good and i have no reason not to believe that he wouldn't answer that little simple request for me to explain it again how does the exchange work so if he's experiencing some kind of suffering yeah or doing some kind of fast for the church or whatever it is you know whatever yeah whatever the penance is he'll say well hey look since i have to go without or because this situation is very terrible and i'm not experiencing any kind of immediate relief will you give that immediate relief that i'm seeking okay okay okay and and he he really truly believes and i believe too um that god is so good that he'll find somebody yeah that um you know yeah i'm not eating a meal find somebody that can't have a meal today and give them the meal that i want to be eating that's cool that's cool and i like that there is that you know what you're what you're suggesting that time swaps you're suggesting it for a different reason for like a game in perspective but i think the cool one of the cooler things is that you can gain the perspective but you can also participate in yeah because if we do it for people that are in purgatory yeah you know life is potentially progression in purgatory itself so why can't like why you know why do we limit ourselves with 100 percent 100 i agree that's that's that's a real gem i'm going to take that with me now if only i could have the discipline to deprive myself of a pleasure you don't even have to start there you just have to like have a crappy day at work you can just say any inconvenience any mild inconvenience that you're like you know all right and you just said hey lord timeshare and he'll be like oh all right david cool i'll take that oh you know that's exciting i'm gonna give aidan a better day at work because i think this is the best this is the best trick tip and trick you've ever given me right here so thank your dad i will i will thank my dad and i will tell him to watch him tell him to come on don't thank her don't thank your dad thank some random person i'm just kidding i'm kidding no no no no it's true i will no my daddy's so cute he he's definitely definitely deserves something is he gonna come on and chat about his faith on my podcast one day he's a he's a shy not no you know he's not shy he's just a humble man he'd probably think that he's no good but he he's watched your podcast and really enjoyed your podcast oh my god he's hurting all my sins and all my propensities to evil nah he's cool man my dad my dad would tell you he's he's far more sinful than you my dad's so cool he's just such a man broken by his sin that he's just like soft and kind and nice and loving to everybody that's how i want to be yeah well and rachel always says like dad looks like he has a sadness in his eyes and it's just like it's like it's sadness but it's also it's this love it's this general like it's this like knowledge of of of um brokenness and it's it's it's really cool wow i know that i can always go to my daddy and he'll he'll say something that's uh you know it's like it's like my uncle mark you know it's like this verbal equivalent to a hug um which we all need every once in a while so very cool i'll leave it there because i do have to go but that was uh excellent uh i like your idea to talk about the rosie that rosary it wasn't that focused but you did manage to bring us on to focus a couple of times and uh you gave me some real gems to think about so uh thank you so much i love you so much thank you for i love you too buddy i really thank you for like engaging me and letting me uh so we're officially engaged now right yeah yeah no thank you for just like letting me like like have a moment where i'm like i want to have more internet time which is like ridiculous well you're going to start your channel with your brother about the uh ladder of ascent we really need to do that actually and i wouldn't even want to narrow it anymore i would just want to talk about prayer in general um but uh i don't know where karen's out with any of that because he's so uh he's on his own path he might he might he's on he's having attention he's done a real deep dive into jennifer i think right now that's where he's at yes she has the gender fluid thing is so important to kieran it's so funny that's you gave me a couple of gems of advice but you also allowed me an avenue to make fun of my brother in front of the world millions of watchers millions of viewers that's right she'll get over it there there are literally i have i have millions of fans just not too many of them are on this planet when you have you have a crate that's good i like that that's good all right buddy soon god bless maybe we'll maybe we'll actually do a rosary themed talk uh for real at some point we could do it every week it could be like the rosary hour with what's your name again uh my name is tennifer yeah three hours we'll do the rosary hour with david and the other guy all right so at least the lisney brother and so take care of yourself say hi to your brother and tell him i was just joking about the whole transgender thing yes uh no i'm not gonna tell him that i'm gonna tell you very soon all right man you take care of you i'll keep you my purse and your mind