Catholic vs. Other – 2017-06-11 – Nicky

Nicky runs the Westminster Satanism Meetup in Colorado. As far as I know, she is the first Theistic Satanist I have ever encountered. I came to Catholicism via Atheistic Satanism but I now renounce Satan and all his pomps and works, so help me God.


Please excuse any errors as these captions were automatically generated by YouTube.

0:00 hi I’m Nicki and you’re listening to
0:02 Catholic versus other tell the listeners
0:09 a little bit about yourself who you are
0:11 what you believe and how you came to
0:13 believe it okay so I came from pretty
0:18 much a traditional kind of Christian
0:21 background my mom was Lutheran and my
0:25 dad was Italian Catholic what church did
0:28 you go to was at all I think was a
0:30 Baptist Church or maybe a Lutheran one
0:34 eventually when I reached about eight or
0:38 so we stopped going I don’t really want
0:42 to say that we got kicked out but the
0:44 preacher kind of had issues with my mom
0:47 working on Sunday she was a nurse so she
0:51 worked all kinds of shifts weekday and
0:55 weekend that seems are reasonable do you
0:58 remember being a child and having this
1:00 notion of God being presented to you
1:02 either in church or at home do you
1:04 remember your first sort of Inklings
1:06 about religion and God did it strike you
1:08 as strange or wonderful how did that
1:11 strike you it’s a mixed feeling because
1:15 they say God is a creator wonderful
1:19 person and so is the stone and blah blah
1:22 blah but then you get the blood and shot
1:26 him under Mara and this and that and
1:28 then it’s like a wait a minute here
1:30 seems like well why would he do that
1:33 humans are the inspiration in the first
1:36 place that’s the the age-old question
1:38 and it’s been resolved it all comes down
1:41 to freewill where we were made by an all
1:43 the God but were made free and He allows
1:45 us in that freedom to make mistakes and
1:49 their consequences for those mistakes
1:51 what is the label that you’re more
1:53 comfortable with for your religion or
1:55 your worldview
1:56 I must comfortable with saying that my
2:00 worldview is spiritual Satanism
2:04 are you a theistic or an atheistic
2:06 Satanist theistic towards the Luciferian
2:10 side of things
2:12 but it still has magic in it it’s still
2:15 acknowledging Satan in a way of as a
2:19 creationist and is pretty much God it
2:25 isn’t the atheistic side of the
2:30 left-hand side of things which is what
2:33 most Satanists are and what most people
2:37 are used to seeing Satanist as and I
2:41 pretty much been disowned by my family
2:45 when I went down this path I was raised
2:49 a different way and they didn’t
2:52 understand how I feared from that path
2:55 but you you you stand firmly for reason
2:58 and truth and business right alright I
3:00 stand for balance and there is a great
3:05 area to everything even humanity in the
3:09 universe right but when I said you stand
3:11 firmly for truth and goodness you don’t
3:13 want to believe a lie and you don’t want
3:15 to suffer and you don’t want your your
3:16 family and loved ones or even your
3:18 enemies to suffer do you I am on my
3:21 enemies to have a sort of Karma for
3:26 their wrongdoings that’s a perfect
3:29 justice right right so you you’re on the
3:32 side of justice right and that can be
3:35 achieved I believe that we are you not
3:38 in the mainstream of what you’ve
3:40 encountered in terms of the Satanist
3:42 communities that you encountered I am
3:45 NOT in the mainstream of things I mean I
3:52 can be friendly with most of them but I
3:55 say the ones that I made you late clash
3:57 with with the Philipp bias in this sex
4:02 because they actually don’t acknowledge
4:06 Satan at all
4:08 okay they’re purely atheistic yes they
4:10 are they believe that you are the Satan
4:14 and using the left hand path through
4:17 magic it can achieve your means
4:21 independently well
4:23 how do you see or will adieu seer will
4:26 as free and that you can use your will
4:28 for whatever you want to use it for do
4:30 you want to do Satan’s will or God’s
4:32 will or who will do you want to do I
4:33 believe I can do mine and his at the
4:38 same time I had communications to
4:42 meditation what sorts of things do you
4:45 think Satan is telling you that he wants
4:48 pleasure power her and politics gives
4:52 him a headache he prefers a quiet vivo
4:55 teeth at would just go about a normal
4:57 life or what how do you explain it
4:58 yes going medically that how humanity
5:02 used to be before all this how would you
5:06 see industrialization take the thing
5:08 he’s not happy with the complexity of
5:10 our modern life and the busyness of it
5:12 and the destructions we have when you
5:14 lose touch with your spirituality it’s
5:17 kind of your own magic as being a
5:22 special being okay so we’re sort of
5:24 living a dumbed down existence according
5:27 to your worldview to the extent that
5:29 we’re neglecting what’s most important
5:30 which is the spiritual side of things
5:32 that would you say that that’s accurate
5:33 yes because humans are special creatures
5:38 um right are you actively seeking
5:42 converts to spiritual Satanism I am
5:47 people that would be interested in it if
5:51 they do want to they can’t but if they
5:54 don’t they don’t if the whole world
5:57 converted to your worldview would it be
6:00 a better world different it could be not
6:02 necessarily it would be less decided
6:07 does Satan want unity or does he want
6:10 division he would like more unity
6:13 because that is extremely divided right
6:16 now especially with the three major
6:19 religions right now organized religion
6:22 is actually a very divisive point is it
6:27 true that Satan hates organized religion
6:29 and we if so which religion does he hate
6:31 the most do you think Christianity does
6:34 get after your skin but not as much
6:37 as people think it does I’d say any kind
6:43 of religion that denies natural human
6:48 nature yeah my religion Roman
6:51 Catholicism emphasizes human nature it’s
6:54 at the core to be as human as we can be
6:57 not to repress any part of that nature
7:00 or pervert any part of that nature but
7:03 to be fully human is the glory of God so
7:06 from my perspective Satan is good by
7:08 nature but he’s evil by choice and he’s
7:10 a he’s a liar and he’s a tricky guy so I
7:13 don’t believe anything that he said
7:14 although I think most of what he says is
7:16 true but he just tells enough lies in
7:20 there that it’s very effective but I
7:22 don’t think you believe that he’s lying
7:23 to you
7:24 right you think he’s telling you the
7:25 truth ie you on what basis do you trust
7:30 him I trust him because of the
7:35 connection that I had since I was
7:40 younger with one of his children are you
7:46 one of his children
7:47 I believe he considers me one of his
7:50 children there is human adoptive
7:55 children and then there’s children from
7:58 his room not always
8:01 demons though they can actually be
8:04 angels or demons okay are a lot of
8:10 people walking around on the earth
8:11 actually demons taking human form
8:14 where’s that rare that is rare but that
8:18 can happen yes and the one that I met
8:25 I’m close to I’m actually in a
8:27 relationship with him are you promised
8:31 things in the future like power and
8:33 pleasure and settlor you promised a nice
8:36 afterlife or do you just you just live
8:39 in the moment and not worry about things
8:41 that are going to come your way because
8:43 your relationship with Satan I say that
8:46 I’m really promised protection
8:50 and that about it
8:54 I’m not promised any kind of specific
8:57 power no okay
9:00 what are you protected from any kind of
9:03 harm that would come to me and who
9:08 wishes you ill and who wishes to harm
9:10 you I would say it would be protection
9:14 from anyone that wishes me harm from
9:18 other paths or even from other realms
9:23 because even though Satan does have
9:28 demons and knows them there are other
9:31 demons that could hurt me and other
9:34 people that would like I said that I’ve
9:38 glass twist that has actually attempted
9:40 to attack me that he has protected me
9:44 from his scent dirty and to protect me
9:47 from from spiritual talk or even
9:49 physical attack and spiritual attack I
9:52 have been physically attacked but that
9:55 recently the vets Edition singing
9:58 altogether okay
10:01 what is the best-case scenario for you
10:04 after death have you thought about that
10:05 I have are you hoping for something in
10:08 particular
10:08 I’m hoping that I probably be
10:12 reincarnated again okay you believe in
10:15 reincarnation I do is that typical of
10:19 spiritual Satanists
10:20 it can be even if you’re a new convert
10:25 and you had been reincarnated before but
10:28 you didn’t know it when all is said and
10:30 done and all of the reincarnation have
10:32 taken place and that the end of the
10:34 universe comes is there a happy ending
10:38 for Satan I would say yeah does Satan
10:43 acknowledge his creator my god
10:45 or did he deny that he is created by God
10:48 does not state that he was created by
10:53 anyone else it sounds like he’s God
10:57 right is that the case he’s one of them
11:01 yes okay there’s more than one God
11:03 yes he told me that he is the head God
11:08 and the God that most people believe in
11:12 is one of them but they mistaken him is
11:16 the main God he’s actually his brother
11:19 okay so that’s what you believe and
11:23 that’s why you pledge your allegiance to
11:24 Satan because he is the multi not just
11:27 because he’s powerful but because he
11:30 earned my higher selves trust
11:34 oh I had to explain that one okay it was
11:38 an experience you had that gave you that
11:41 assurance more than just words right
11:43 yeah more than just words so you can
11:49 freely acknowledge what you would like
11:52 which is fine I would like people to
11:57 acknowledge what I do but if they don’t
12:01 then that fine my problem is as if they
12:05 when they go and attack my form of
12:10 religion or say that it’s linked with
12:13 other ones which is fine but if it’s
12:17 linked with the atheistic side of things
12:19 I kind of have a problem with that or
12:21 even that it’s evil without
12:24 justification your worldview is largely
12:28 misunderstood and it’s just Compton with
12:30 every sort of Hollywood Satanist stick
12:32 image that they’ve seen exactly who is
12:36 behind that Hollywood image of Satanism
12:39 mislead people a lot of information has
12:45 been altered and lost over the years and
12:52 it’s very hard to find dependable
12:55 information to even research even thing
12:59 isn’t one to researcher unless you’re
13:02 like willing to trying to contact
13:04 someone when even then it’s like oh if
13:07 you screw up something kind of come and
13:09 it’s gonna eat you okay
13:12 is it dangerous like for example the big
13:15 names of Satanism Aleister Crowley for
13:17 example he was not a very happy man at
13:19 the end of his life do you think that he
13:21 was he misguided in his quest for
13:23 spiritual Satanism or was he not a
13:25 spiritual Satanist I see he tried to
13:29 touch on that practice he did really
13:33 messed things up it was mainly in the
13:37 craft though Aleister Crowley and my
13:40 contact knows him very well and how is
13:43 he doing on the other side
13:45 not very well
13:49 my nickname for him is the saddest man
13:52 in the world
13:53 yes it’s not doing very well because yes
13:57 Hollywood did get one thing right if
13:59 you’re messing with like magic and you
14:03 don’t know what you’re doing
14:04 something will go down wrong I don’t use
14:08 black magic as often as the others I
14:12 only do it when I have to I do not use
14:16 Mickey barge that is just asking for it
14:19 I thoroughly believe that all the
14:22 keyboards that are sold in the shopping
14:24 area should all be burned is it true
14:27 that all of the occult and end drugs and
14:31 maybe even to a certain extent abuse of
14:34 sex and alcohol are those all gateways
14:36 potentially to that dangerous dark side
14:39 of spiritual world well drugs and
14:43 certain ones if you’re truthful can be
14:46 very helpful
14:48 I’m a beginner apothecary and I do use
14:53 primarily marijuana but it is in no way
14:58 shape or form tampered with I use
14:59 organic and crystals and most of the
15:04 new-age step
15:05 I don’t do by myself it’s usually in a
15:09 group so you would say it’s a mixed bag
15:11 there’s Ouija boards are bad crystals
15:14 are good and cocaine’s bad marijuana is
15:17 good something like that yeah cocaine
15:19 just no it’s not good at all um six
15:27 magic you have to be careful with and if
15:32 you’re doing it with the wrong person it
15:34 can end really badly
15:36 what about suicide how bad is suicide in
15:39 your worldview in my worldview it’s
15:41 pretty much a one-way ticket to hell
15:43 although there is that nuance teaching
15:45 of my church that anyone can repent even
15:47 at the very last moment of life but it’s
15:50 forbidden do you see it as a viable
15:53 option if life becomes unbearable or do
15:56 you see it as a gateway into some
15:59 hellish reincarnation or their
16:02 consequences that are bad and permanent
16:05 how do you see suicide
16:06 suicide is still bad but there’s still a
16:13 forgiving sin there and it also depends
16:18 on what’s going on there is actually a
16:23 plane where SL can go if that does
16:28 happen they can you stay there it
16:32 depends on the state of death they can
16:35 eventually leave there but if they can’t
16:38 see are taking here oh can you talk just
16:42 a little bit from your spiritual
16:44 Satanist perspective about the Catholic
16:47 notions of heaven hell and purgatory
16:50 they’re only two final destinations
16:52 purgatory you’re on your way to heaven
16:53 is just a very long and painful
16:55 cleansing process good time we wouldn’t
16:59 really call it that it’s a long walk
17:03 there’s actually more levels but in the
17:07 purgatory place it’s more like a
17:09 transportation place it can be on you
17:13 eight to either places there is still of
17:21 course higher heaven like place is that
17:24 where Satan resides
17:25 he doesn’t who or as I stir if anyone I
17:30 don’t know I haven’t guy up there where
17:35 is the realm do you think where Aleister
17:37 Crowley and his type might be suffering
17:40 though come and just like they are in an
17:45 area where it is parallel to one of the
17:49 parts of Dante’s Inferno so he wound up
17:54 there along with a few others do more
17:57 people go down that up I want to see
17:59 more people go down and up but if he is
18:04 displeased with them and it has to be an
18:09 agreement not just with him but all of
18:12 the beings on what they did wrong
18:16 there’s kind of like a council not just
18:19 Jim is Satan a happy-go-lucky
18:22 light-hearted spirit or is he more
18:24 almonesson serious or as they have moods
18:27 or how do you see his interactions with
18:29 you
18:30 so he’s level-headed and very patient
18:36 he’s stoic at times he’s not going to
18:42 smile very much but he does speak softly
18:49 he does have it’s insecure but it’s kind
18:53 of like more of a dry humor maybe Satan
18:56 is British peevish what sort of language
19:01 have you used to entice someone sort of
19:05 like a sales pitch like let’s say you’re
19:06 in an elevator you only have one minute
19:09 to sort of tantalize someone or get
19:13 someone’s curiosity piqued about your
19:15 particular worldview spiritual Satanism
19:17 what are the sort of highlight of your
19:19 sales pitch what would you say like hey
19:22 do you like pleasure and power like
19:24 that’s the sort of typical image of
19:26 Satanism but you you sort of coupon that
19:28 so what would you say in a one-minute
19:30 elevator pitch to someone you thought
19:32 might be open
19:34 I’ve never really thought about that to
19:38 be honest
19:40 he actually said you know think think
19:46 about it about go telling people about
19:51 this because I have been doing qualities
19:55 and I’ve always been a quiet person but
19:59 once I start talking I guess I could be
20:03 interesting
20:05 do you have people underneath you not
20:08 yet because I didn’t haven’t found
20:11 anyone yet if we look at Crowley as a
20:13 sort of failure and a sort of a sad
20:15 loser
20:16 are there heroes that have succeeded on
20:18 the path on the true path sort of Saints
20:20 Satanic Saints can you name some you
20:28 know really have Saints okay
20:32 bit of an understatement probably what
20:37 do you think of Mary does Satan talk
20:38 about Mary the Mother of Christ no she’s
20:42 not a thorn in Satan’s side actually no
20:47 just another person that had lived that
20:51 possibly was a person at one point in
20:54 time that did have a prophet child but
20:58 not as said doesn’t really have a
21:02 particle of beef with her when I
21:05 converted in 2009 a lot of people were
21:07 sort of flabbergasted and disappointed
21:09 because it’s not very well seen
21:11 Catholicism especially because of all
21:12 the controversy in the church and I
21:14 believe that Satan is at work in the
21:16 church and not in a good way I think
21:19 that he’s doing God’s work but not on
21:21 purpose I think that God allows him to
21:24 do what he does
21:26 ultimately he is doing God’s will his
21:30 permissive will and that’s part of the
21:32 punishment for Satan that’s my
21:33 perspective but I wanted to ask you do
21:37 you have any questions or comments about
21:38 my faith so I guess my first question
21:42 would be why did you convert to Satanism
21:48 in the first place why was I Satanist
21:51 yeah I was the kind of thickness I think
21:54 that you don’t like the a theistic
21:56 Satanists and so my form of Satanism was
21:59 a very playful light-hearted theatrical
22:02 Anton LaVey style of sadism what do you
22:05 think of Anton LaVey stretch of Satan he
22:08 definitely wanted to go off of reason
22:13 yet also off of self-empowerment which
22:18 is understandable because I can see an
22:23 atheist point of view because it’s only
22:25 human to even not believe in spiritual
22:31 supernatural like it’s just like a fairy
22:33 tale type of thing I can I can
22:36 understand
22:37 to a degree yet it’s natural to be
22:39 skeptical and to say well if I can’t see
22:41 it measure it tested or wrap my head
22:44 around it then there’s no point in
22:46 putting my faith in it right that’s a
22:47 sort of natural human tendency if you
22:50 haven’t if you haven’t come to the point
22:52 of realizing that there is no
22:54 alternative to the supernatural like
22:56 that we actually logically must
22:59 acknowledge the supernatural right
23:01 is that just intuitive for you or did
23:03 you study to come to that conclusion
23:04 that the supernatural is part and parcel
23:07 of our world I’ve been born with a sixth
23:11 sense so it was a little hard for me to
23:15 have that way of thinking because my dad
23:18 was like that even though he was like
23:20 Italian Catholic he eventually rejected
23:22 that kind of thing but he still kind of
23:24 was Christian so being that way you’ve
23:27 never had a sense of you’ve never
23:30 wondered about tech that you’ve bred
23:34 like to doubt the veracity of the Bible
23:37 the inerrancy of the Bible for example
23:38 yeah yeah yeah yeah if it were not for
23:42 the authority of the Catholic Church I
23:43 would not believe the Bible so what you
23:46 need to understand about my worldview is
23:48 it’s it’s centered on a person Jesus
23:51 Christ it’s not centered on a dusty old
23:52 book right it’s a living person and the
23:56 the Bride of Christ is a living person –
23:58 that’s the body of Christ now it’s
24:02 beyond words I remembers when I asked
24:04 you earlier something about your your
24:06 confidence in Satan you you weren’t able
24:07 to put it into words there are things in
24:10 the supernatural that we can’t
24:12 adequately put into words very often and
24:14 poetry will help with that so in my
24:16 faith I have faith in God Almighty and I
24:19 believe that God Almighty took on flesh
24:21 and established a church which is
24:23 inhabited by the Holy Spirit which is
24:26 clear a person of the Holy Trinity so I
24:28 believe that the church is infallible
24:30 and when the church tells me that the
24:33 Bible is inerrant I accept it without
24:36 intellectually getting it in a direct
24:39 cognizant way I’m just sort of floating
24:42 I’ve thrown myself at God’s mercy and
24:44 I’m sort of floating and trusting in him
24:47 and but I don’t see with my with my face
24:51 ize a lot of stuff and I don’t
24:52 experience a lot of mystical experiences
24:54 I just trust and believe in God and I
24:57 shrugged my shoulders with a lot of
24:58 stuff that goes on in the world and in
25:00 the church but I trust the church and I
25:03 don’t necessarily trust any human within
25:06 the church like the Pope I love and
25:08 respect him and I trust him to a certain
25:09 extent but I don’t completely trust him
25:11 he’s a man I trust that the office of
25:13 Pope is protected from teaching err
25:15 concerning faith and morals it’s a very
25:17 narrow form of infallibility but I
25:19 believe and I trust in God and in God
25:22 alone and in his church but the members
25:24 of that church are like me they’re
25:26 fallible human beings so it’s a very
25:28 messy can can complicated affair it is
25:31 what is your dream life like do you
25:34 sleep well and do you have pleasant
25:36 dreams or are they full of sex and
25:37 violence or how would you describe it
25:39 why’d you use can be pleasant and they
25:42 can be uncertain which you prefer I
25:46 prefer button lucid dreaming sometimes
25:51 it can be out of my control especially
25:54 if I have dream visions
25:56 the spiritual realm can be some areas
26:01 that can be dark and shadowy others it
26:03 can be lighter but not like
26:08 it is out here like it’s in glowing
26:12 light okay it’s predominantly dark now I
26:15 say so now I think I’ve asked you this
26:17 before but I’m not satisfied with your
26:19 answer so I’m going to ask you in a
26:21 slightly different way what is the
26:23 difference between the best case
26:24 scenario that’s possible and the worst
26:27 case scenario it’s possible for you as a
26:29 being taking into consideration
26:31 reincarnation from your point of view is
26:33 there a big difference because when I
26:34 talk to Hindus pretty much everyone ends
26:36 up in heaven yes you do believe that
26:39 what you’re dying
26:41 along that chain of being carnation you
26:44 do go to heaven worst case scenario my
26:48 belonging you could go into him or I
26:50 could go lower if I choose I could go
26:56 where Satanist he chooses not to be
27:00 directly where heaven is but not in the
27:03 lowest regions okay so Satan is mediocre
27:08 okay he chooses to be in between where
27:13 earth is and in between where the
27:16 judgement areas are you talked about the
27:18 best-case scenario sounds like sort of
27:20 freedom to choose and where you’re going
27:22 to manifest but what would the worst
27:24 case scenario be just briefly if at any
27:27 point where I had done something for
27:32 counterintuitive negative news I had
27:35 used my powers wrongly and I’d had to be
27:39 punished
27:40 and uh I exhausted my reincarnation
27:44 limit and I was killed here or died here
27:49 and then went down there I probably have
27:52 to go into one of the levels depending
27:56 on the severity and that’s permanent or
27:59 that’s just till you work out your karma
28:01 or until I worked it out unless it broke
28:06 one of the unforgivable laws an example
28:11 would be if for some odd reason I had
28:18 primarily use only
28:22 a black magic and it was hurting my
28:27 followers and I think he told me to stop
28:31 and I did it okay I never asked you if
28:35 you felt loved by Satan or if you know
28:40 intellectually that you are loved and
28:42 what is love for you I do feel that he
28:46 loves me and left for me is pretty much
28:51 wholly entirely on a spiritual physical
28:58 level even demons can love and what is
29:04 sin a sin a real thing for you or is it
29:07 a fairy tale or misunderstanding or can
29:10 you talk a little bit about sin from
29:11 from the same mystic point of view and
29:14 is a type of role breaking we do have
29:19 video columns and but in different
29:22 contexts like when I J walk on the
29:25 street that’s a sort of sin right that
29:27 would be going against a code of conduct
29:32 which is our betrayal which is based on
29:34 a reason and self-fulfillment
29:37 here walking talking look I see a
29:40 victory I say it so you don’t get run
29:42 over because the principle is life you
29:45 want to preserve your life good life is
29:46 good yeah you agree yeah well we could
29:52 make different rules how the cars move
29:54 and where the people go right right so
29:56 it’s arbitrary in that sense is that we
29:58 mean like if we drive on the left or the
30:00 right it’s not a big deal as long as
30:01 everyone agrees right right so just to
30:05 wrap up what would you say to anyone
30:07 that’s listening ah city only world view
30:16 could be considered a great area but
30:21 just especially right now things are
30:26 going really hard I know I’m going I’m
30:30 personally going through a hard time
30:33 their strength and vulnerability and
30:37 just stay strong in what your beliefs
30:42 are are however you believe just believe
30:48 that if you wake up tomorrow it’s
30:51 probably going to be a great day and
30:53 it’s a good start and just enjoy the
30:57 moment yeah you like it will do if you
31:04 can get some questions let me know tell
31:07 all you got to do it all you got

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